It's a Cubs World

There's not much action for a Hawaii Chicago sports fan in the middle of January. No Cubs. No Bears. Just a little Bull(s). Though the furor surrounding my 1st Annual J-Borhood Super Bowl Prediction Issue is growing by the second, that historic event is still four days away, so I figured I needed a little chatter to fill the void. I was struggling to find a topic worth expounding upon today, and then BAM! Like a swallow returning to Capistrano, the Chicago Tribune went ahead and did my work for me with today's topic: Why Chicago is, and will forever be, a Cubs town.

Can you imagine winning a World Series championship? Thousands of people cheering, celebrating your glorious success, going wild over your accomplishments, naming their kids after you, and worshiping your name. Can you imagine, 5 months later, NOT being the most popular team in town? Welcome to the World of the Chicago White Sox.

Before I get to far, let me get my congratulations out of the way. The White Sox had an unbelieveable season, played great baseball at the right time of year, and put on exclimation point on their season with their sweep of the Astros in the World Series. Only one problem. No one cares. This pre-season, as always, the Cubs generate more buzz, more fanaticism, more unadulterated support then the White Sox ever did during their glorious run to the title. Their loyal die-hard fan base rekindles the belief that this will be the year! They put aside the frustrations of the previous 98 years and begin their 6 month long love affair with the loveable losers. These fanatics help the Cubs sell more season tickets, make far more in merchandise, and captivate the undivided attention of not only the city, but a giant portion of the country as well. They watch games in the sun, in the second oldest ballpark in the country, the historical baseball shrine called Wrigley Field with its signature ivy, nestled in the heart of downtown between Clark, Addison, Waveland, and Sheffield. Sox fans have an ugly little bandbox homerun park named after a mobile telephone where fans are known to rush the field and attack players and coaches. Wrigley sells out every game; As one sportswriter put it, you could turn the seats aroud and fans would still fill the stadium. The Sox weren't selling out games during their pennant run!

So enjoy your World Series, your brief moment of glory, because this fleeting Icarin orgasm of success is about to end. Pitchers and Catchers report in two weeks and coincidentally so does your status as second class citizens.

PLAY BALL!

The Unwritten Rules of Nicknames

If, for some reason, you haven’t heard, two amazing events have recently occurred in the life of Kobe Bryant, and you may be surprised which one I think is most amazing. During the last month Kobe scored 81 points in a basketball game, breaking the non-Wilt Chamberlain scoring record (Wilt scored an even hundo), and he picked up the self-proclaimed nickname “Black Mamba”. While scoring 81 points in a game, albeit against the hapless Raptors, is a once in a generation accomplishment, assuming a self-proclaimed nickname, as ridiculous as “Black Mamba” is perhaps, the most single most ridiculous thing that has occurred in the NBA since John Stockton’s pants. Simply, “Black Mamba” isn’t a nickname that you can give yourself. It’d be like trying to say, from now on, call me “Sex Machine”. “Nice to meet you, I’m John”, “Oh really, they call me ‘SEX MACHINE’”. In giving himself this name, Kobe flagrantly broke the Unwritten Rule of Nicknames #1 – Thou shalt not grant thyself a cool nickname. If you want people to start calling you Larry, because your parents, in a moment of intoxication, decided to name you Lawrence, that’s fine. If you choose to go by Skip or Junior be my guest. But the decision to adopt a really cool nickname is completely out of your hands. It’s one of those things that has to come with a really cool story, or explanation. Great nicknames are BORN, not created on a whim.

What’s even worse, is that Kobe’s new self-assumed Mamba moniker breaks the Unwritten Rule of Nicknames #2 – Thou shalt not assume a nickname, if a similar and much cooler nickname exists. How does Kobe get off trying to call himself the Black Mamba when the Kobra or the Kobrattle Snake would be such perfect fits. Think about getting ready to do battle with Kobrattle Snake! Ok, well, at least Kobra is a good nickname.

At least all of this has a silver lining, because of the Unwritten Rule of Nicknames #1.A – “If thou grants thyself a cool nickname, thy peers may create new nicknames which make fun of it”. It’s like when Sean “Puffy” Combs decided to become P. Diddy. It was fabulous, because we had free license to call him Padoodle from then on. Now that Kobe has expressed his desire to become La Mamba Negra, we can feel free to call him whatever we want: Black Mambo, Mr. Mambo, Kobra, the Kobrattle Snake. It’s open season on Kobe.

Until next time fellow J-Bors, thanks for tuning in. Now if I can only convince my wife to stop referring to herself as the White Mamba…

I've got fan(s) baby!!

I've only been open for business for two days, and four posts now and I'm already picking up a fan base. World, be warned, I come out swining! Anyhow, the first comment from my ever growing fan base was pretty awesome and I felt it had to be shared with the world. Taking shots at the Sox and Panthers in one fell swoop. BOO-YAH!

This is from my current #1 fan and all time greatest J-bor: TrickyV. Witty, funny, and sexier then a pair of Panther Cheerleaders.

---

What's up Chicago Sports Fans...I'd take a moment to say that while the Chicago White Sox may have been active participants in last year's World Series, they will forever wish their sox were filling cub shoes.

As for DA BEARSH, while their defense may have initially been manhandled by the Panthers, in the end, the Panthers just got a lucky break...stupid pussies (cats...I mean).

In reference to the impossibly cool blog site that is theJ-Borhood, very stylin', as one would only expect.

You stay classy Chicago...

Peace to the Dole...XOXO

In defense of Brian Urlacher

Recently on ESPN.com's Page 2, Jason Whitlock wrote an article that included his 10 observations about the NFL following the Divisional Playoffs. Though a few of these observations were quite poignant, observant, and humorous, one caught me completely off guard: That Brian Urlacher did not perform well, nor did he even make a big play, in the Bears recent playoff loss to the Panthers. Furthermore, he suggested that this proved Urlacher should not have won the Defensive Player of the Year Award. Let's overlook my flagrant homerism, and observe the letter I set to Mr. Whitlock in an attempt to show him the truth...

Mr. Whitlock,

I'd like to start by saying that your Page 2 article: Payton shouldn't call all the plays was funny, well written, and made a lot of very astute observations, however, I'm flabbergasted (have to be honest, I think I just wanted to use the word flabbergasted in a sentence) about your assessment of Brian Urlacher. You said that "Urlacher (and teammate Lance Briggs) looked overhyped against the Panthers," and follow up with "Urlacher made no big plays". I'm not sure how closely you followed the game, but it seemed to me that the Bear's defensive problems had little (if anything) to do with Urlacher and Briggs. The secondary was completely overwhelmed by Steve Smith. He hit them for so many long plays it was borderline absurd. It was as you said "one of the NFL's all-time great playoff performances". The secondary was burned so often, that there weren't any plays for Briggs and Urlahcher to make. Is it their fault Tillman fell down and Brown was late to cover? Is it their fault Thompson (who??) fell down and didn't have safety help? Is it their fault Tillman was mixed up on his substitution and left his man wide open in the end zone? The defensive line looked bad because they didn't have any time to hit the quarterback, and the linebacker seemed ineffective because they didn't have any plays to make. The game may go down as one of the all time worst performances by a secondary in the playoffs, but aside from that the Bears looked pretty good. Oh, and in case you missed it, Brian Urlacher made a spectacular one handed interception when the Panthers were deep in Bear territory, which world certainly be considered a "big play". If you don't believe me ask Peter King (Monday Morning Quarterback: Tuesday Edition). In conclusion, I don't think you can say that Brian Urlacher didn't deserve to win Defense Player of the Year honors just because of that game. He didn't have a big impact, but that largely wasn't his fault, and doesn't detract from the body of work which is used to determine the award.

On a separate note, I also take issue with your statements about Carson Palmer's rehabilitation. If you we're Carson Palmer would you trust your multi-million dollar knee to the Bengals doctor's to help build a good relationship, or would you go to the very best knee doctor and rehabilitation specialists in the world? If you were the Bengals, what would you want him to do?

Anyhow, keep up the great work! I'd love to hear a response from you.

Ciao from one of the two true Hawaiian Chicago Sports Fans (The other is my dad who I attached to this email. love you dad!),
Justin D'Olier

------------------

I'll let you J-Bors know if and when I hear back from the now chastised Mr. Whitlock. Look out world, the J-Borhood is on the prowl! (And in my third post no less...)

ciao for now, dizolee-ay!

Welcome to the J-Borhood

This message is a test....and only a test. Consider it the first, of many entries into my wide world of highly opinionated rants, raves, and verbal bludggeoning. I'm not sure what else you'd consider it, since it actually is the first entry. You know, scratch that, consider it the second entry. That way you'll be used to listening and believing to all that I say from the very start.

ciao, dolier