My Triumphant Return (Step 1)

Step 1: Post something, anything online to wet the palate of the audience and begin the landslide of media hype, internet rumors and water cooler discussions about the validity of your eventual comeback.

(I'm taking a page out of the Michael Jordan school of comebacks. Once the media hype reaches a fever pitch, I'll drop my patented brand of humor, sports acumen, irreverence and filagry on the world. )

(If you think that last sentence was just an extemperaneous excuse to use the word filagry, then you know me all to well.)

With that in mind, I regret to inform you that this is NOT a formal posting. I have nothing prepared this week and am not ready to discuss my nearly month long sojurn of fatherhood...yet. In order to tide you over until I'm ready to write something longer then a shopping list, I wanted to pass along a link to the funniest thing I've read online this year (and it's not even close.)

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the book review for the "worst book ever written".

Review of "The Shadow God", by Aaron Rayburn

Immanent Delivery

Aloha Friends and JBors,

I'm expecting my first child this Sunday and am working on an article that waxes poetic on the constant hilarity of my experiences throughout pregnancy. Much like my baby, the article's delivery is immanent...

Good night, sweet princess

[Author's note: This article is not intended to be funny or witty or entertain in any way. I am not attempting to grandstand or make any point, nor do I wish to make light of any of the events that occurred in last Saturday's Kentucky Derby. I am simply crushed following the death of Eight Belles.]

I am heartbroken.

I selected Eight Belles, a 20-1 underdog, as my pick to win last Saturday's Kentucky Derby, because she was a filly and recently, my family has become overrun by women (my wife, my dog, and my unborn daughter outnumber me 3 to 1). Nothing about her previous record or comments in the media led me to believe that she had a shot to win, however, the nearing prospect of fatherhood imparted me with a sentimental attachment to the only girl in the race. She was tiny, compared to the other muscular colts in the race, but she was a beautiful little girl and I followed my heart.

Tragically, after running the race of her life and finishing in second place, she suffered two broken ankles and had to be euthanized on the track. I am devastated and sad and without words to sum up my feelings.

I do not feel like writing an article this week. I just want to dedicate this space to the memory of a true fighter and one hell of a woman. Good bye, Eight Belles. I'm proud of you and can only hope to raise a little girl as strong, determined and impressive as you.

Good night, sweet princess.