Game. Set. Match.

This series is over. Done. Finished. Put it in the books. Lakers in 5 (and that's being generous).

The Lakers dictated every facet of Game 1. They got easy baskets whenever they wanted, completely controlled the glass, and turned the Celtics into a completely one-dimensional jump shooting team on offense. The Lakers dominated so thoroughly that Phil Jackson switched to Belichick-mode in the fourth quarter and went to a completely vanilla game plan. It tells you everything you need to know about this game that the Celtics never made a run. You have to play defense to make a run.

In 2008, the Celtics exploited three distinct advantages:

1. They dominated the boards (255-223).
2. They dominated from behind the arc (43%-34%)
3. They never gave up easy baskets

In 2010, none of those advantages apply. Bolstered by a healthy Andrew Bynum, the Lakers controlled the offensive (12-8) and defensive (30-23) glass; The Celtics sorely miss sharp shooters James Posey and Eddie House, leaving Ray Allen and Paul Pierce as the only long distance threats; And, finally, and perhaps most importantly, whether it's because Phil Jackon, Kobe Bryant and the Lakers figured out a way to dissect the Celtics defense with a quick interior passing game or because the Celtics miss the defensive presence of PJ Brown, Leon Powe, and a Kevin Garnett with healthy knees, the Lakers ran a layup drill on the Celtics.

Now, maybe Kevin Garnett's knees will feel better after the three day layoff. Maybe Ray Allen can avoid foul trouble and lock down Kobe. Maybe Rajon Rondo can find a hole in the impenetrable wall of Gasol, Odom, and Bynum. Maybe Paul Pierce will figure out a way to shake Ron Artest and get to the free throw line.

But that's a lot of maybes. Plus, Phil Jackson teams are 47-0 after winning the first game in a series. That doesn't leave a lot of room for maybes.

---

Random Game 1 musings:


I'm a big fan of Pau Gasol's either-I-strongly-disagree-with-that-foul-call-or-I-just-smelled-a-bad-fart face.


Derek Fisher has a really sweet beard. That is all.


Jeff Van Gundy is usually a fantastic commentator. Witty. Insightful. Entertaining. But, I think he was hanging out with Snoop Dogg (in attendance. I'm just saying...) before the start of Game 1. Jeff started things off by suggesting the big difference between the 2008 and 2010 Celtics was that Tony Allen (2010 sixth man) is a slasher, not a shooter like James Posey (2008 sixth man), which, while true, ranks somewhere between the size of Kendrick Perkins chin beard and the color of Paul Pierce's headband on the list of important differences between the '08 and '10 Celtics. He followed that nugget of wisdom with these three gems:

* "You need enough quickness on the floor to guard Shannon Brown". (Because, as we all know, the key to stopping the Lakers is containing Shannon Brown...)
* "I'm taking Nate Robinson on this jump ball [vs. Pau Gasol]". (I'll let you guess whether the 7-foot Gasol beat the 5-11 Robinson.)
* "USA is beating England [in the World Cup]". (There go our chances...)

Of course, just when I was trying to catch Van Gundy taking sips from a flask between plays, he came on at half time and said, "The Lakers had 28 points in the paint in the first half. That never happened in '08". Happy to have you back, Jeff.


At the start of halftime, Stuart Scott asked the commentators, "What did we learn from the first half"? Magic Johnson jumped in and said, "This will be long, great series". Either he was watching a replay of the '85 Lakers/Celtics series or he was hanging out with Snoop and Van Gundy before the game.


Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown had back to back layups in the first half. I'm not saying that wouldn't have happened against the '08 Celtics, well, actually, that's exactly what I'm saying.


Kendrick Perkins stole the ball from Kobe Bryant to start a fast break and, rather than exploit a three on one situation, Nate Robinson jacked up an ill-advised three. I'm not saying that the '08 Celtics would have never taken such a horrible shot, well, actually, that's exactly what I'm saying.


I still don't understand how a player of Rajon Rondo's height (6 foot 1 in heels) can rebound so well. He led a fast break attempt where he got two rebounds on the same play (rebounded an initial miss then rebounded his own miss before getting fouled). When he learns how to knock down a three pointer and hit his free throws, look out NBA.


On the subject of Rondo, have you seen the size of his hands? They deserve their own area code. Maybe that's why he rebounds so well...


When ABC panned the crowd to show the celebrities at the game they listed all their names: Adam Sandler. Chris Rock. Will Ferrell. Leonardo DiCaprio. Steven Spielberg. Jack. Not Jack Nicholson. Just "Jack". Yet again proving that Jack Nicholson is the coolest man alive.

I thought about this again at halftime when Stuart Scott said of Kobe Bryant, "He goes by one name: Kobe". The ability to be referenced by a single moniker is a true sign of greatness. Kobe. Shaq. LeBron. Magic. Bird. Even in non-sports related arenas: Washington. Lincoln. Kennedy. You haven't truly arrived until you can pass the one name test. (Maybe the Brazilians are smarter than we give them credit for.)

Taking that a step further, the true pantheon of name recognition is when you can be singularly recognized by either your first or last name. I could only come up with two people who fit this criterion: Jack Nicholson, equally recognizable as "Jack" or "Nicholson", and Michael Jordan, who is instantly identifiable by "Michael" or "Jordan".

Any measure of greatness that comes up with Jack Nicholson and Michael Jordan sounds like a keeper to me.


Chris Rock doesn't look a day over 21. I need to know what moisturizer he's using.


I'm only half joking when I say that the Lakers had more easy baskets in the first half than they did in the entire 2008 NBA Finals.


The Lakers pianist played Bad Romance by Lady Gaga coming out of a timeout. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, I just thought you needed to know.


My favorite moment of the game was when Kobe was walking into the locker room at halftime and broke into a big goofy grin as soon he saw his two baby girls. It was a total Daddy smile.


My second favorite moment of the game was when Kobe nailed the "Taco Shot" at the end of the game. In case you didn't know, when the Lakers win, score at least 100 points and hold their opponents under 100, everyone at the Staples Center gets a coupon for two free tacos from Jack in the Box. On the game's final possession, the Lakers led 99-89 and needed one more basket to secure crispy deliciousness for the crowd. The shot clock and game clock were nearly identical so LA didn't really need to take a final shot, but you could see Kobe realize the magnitude of the situation, convince Fisher to give up the ball, and calmly drain a three to put the icing on the Lakers dominant victory.

That, my friends, is the game behind the game. (Not to mention, the type of stunning insight found only at the JBorhood: your source for fast-food related sports humor.)


Have a great weekend, everyone.

Innaugural Tri-Coast Sports Melee

After a few months of convincing my podcast partners in crime to go by the somewhat narcissistic moniker "The JBorhood Podcast", I can no longer control their burgeoning egos and have agreed to change the name of the show to one that suggests a slightly more equitable share of responsibility (regardless of whether or not it exists). Loyal readers will still know who does the heavy lifting (*ahem*), but the new name will satisfy the prima donnas. (In case you can't see it, my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek. Frankly, I can't believe I convinced the two more talented individuals to name the podcast after me for as long as I did.)

With that said, I am proud to present the first ever Tri-Coast Sports Melee. The only Chicago-centric, Bay Area-slanted amateur sports podcast recorded from the shores of Lake Michigan to the sands of Waikiki Beach, an esteemed distinction, to be sure.

On this week's episode, we touch on why the Lakers are still in control of the Suns, the glaring weakness of Dwight Howard (and maybe LeBron James), and, of course, the Great Dirk Nowitzki Debate of twenty-ten.

Sit back, relax, crack open a frosty tall can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and enjoy the show.

LET'S GET IT ON: Tri-Coast Sports Melee - 5/24/2010

Jew and a half talking sports

Occasionally, my "real" job interferes with my ability to record inane sports blather. Undeterred by my absence, podcast stalwarts Matt Kolsky and Mike Oppenheim put together a special segment they call "A Jew and a Half Talking Sports".

While it lacks the smooth baritone of your truly, it's chock full of the razzle-dazzle you've come to expect here in the JBorhood. The fellahs extol the virtues of Rajon Rondo, call-out Dwight Howard, give an insiders take on the NHL playoff, and contemplate the reasons Jennifer Aniston can't find a man.

Enjoy: A Jew and a Half Talking Sports

2010 NBA Playoffs Second Round Wrap-Up Podcast

It's been a busy week for the Almighty J. (For the record, yes, I did just refer to myself in the third person by a self given nickname. If I could shave three seconds off my 40 time, learn to catch, and not cry like a sissy girl when someone tackled me, I'd make one hell of an NFL wide receiver.)

But, because of fervent demand, errr.... some demand, errr... because one person asked, errr... because we felt like it, Matt Kolsky, Mike Oppenheim and I sat down to follow-up on our award winning (I believe it took home the coveted most-likely-to-put-you-to-sleep award) 2010 NBA Playoff Preview Podcast and break down what's happened in the first two rounds of the playoffs.

Why is the world finally catching on to the fact that Rajon Rondo is the best point guard in the known universe, just like I've said for the past year?

What do the Duke Blue Devils and the Orlando Magic have in common?

And did Mike really just say that LeBron James's idols are Matt Leinart and Paris Hilton? (Yes. Yes, he did.)

It's all right here. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

2010 NBA Second Round Wrap-Up Podcast

The Definitive 2010 NBA Playoff Preview

Want to know who's going to win the 2010 NBA Championship? Go turn on Sportscenter.

Want to know what the 2010 playoffs mean for LeBron's legacy, debate Kobe's place in history, learn why the Boston Celtics are like Happy Gilmore's Mom, and find out what to do if you find yourself looking for a beer at 3 am in Oklahoma City?

Then sit back, relax, kick up your heels, and enjoy the JBorhood NBA Playoff Preview Podcast.

JBorhood Podcast - NBA Playoff Preview - 04/15/2010

Simply Great

Greatness is not elusive. It requires no searching or work to find. When you discover greatness, you know it instantly. It may take time to comprehend the extent of the greatness, but you never doubt that it exists.

Like oral sex.

Oral sex is undoubtedly great.

Anyone lucky enough to find themselves on the receiving end of its glorious wonder does not need a moment to weigh its relative merits. They’re too busy moaning in pleasure, giving praises to their deity of choice, and thinking about how much they’d pay for a lightly toasted ham and turkey with swiss (Really? Only me?). From the moment it starts, to the moment it reaches its final, toe-curling crescendo, the experience is undeniably great.

And that’s the great thing about greatness. It’s simple. If you have to ask whether something is great, it’s not.

Yet, even in the face of this indisputable simplicity, people continue to hold out hope that non-great things will somehow magically improve, evolve, and become great. Like the woman who tells her friends that her ex-con boyfriend has a really great heart and once he gets a haircut, curbs his alcohol abuse, gets a job that doesn’t involve asking whether people want to super size their extra value meal, stops robbing armored cars to pay for his heroin addiction, and quits killing hobos and burying them in the backyard, he’ll make a really great daddy.

But I’m not one to point fingers. I’m the guy that talked himself into believing that Rex Grossman would eventually be a quality NFL starter. (In Grossman’s case, I believe “quality” could be defined as throwing the ball to his teammates more than the opposing defense. *sigh*)

Sadly, us sports fans do this all the time. We so desperately want our favorite players to be great that we ignore all signs to the contrary.

“If Tavaris Jackson would stop peeing his pants at the first hint of pressure, skipping the ball off the turf before it gets to the receiver, and completed more than one out of every ten passes, HE COULD BE GREAT!”

“If Mark Prior could only stay healthy long enough to pitch six innings before complaining of nagging pains in his vaginal wall, HE COULD BE GREAT!”

“If Corey Patterson would learn that no one’s going to take away his dinner if he doesn’t swing at the first pitch, struck out less than a fraternity guy at Lilith Fair, and laid off the neck high fastball, HE COULD BE GREAT!”

“If Tyler Graunke could only study as many lines in his playbook as he snorted off his coffee table, HE COULD BE GREAT!” (That’s right. I went there. Sorry, Tyler. If you “blow” your opportunity to capitalize on the media attention generated by Colt Brennan and make it to the NFL because you were too busy doing coke, you’re gonna get called out by the JBorhood. On that note, I have to pass along my favorite Tyler Graunke story. When Tyler was backing up Colt in 2007, he hit on my buddies girlfriend, M&M, at a bar one night.

Tyler: Hi, I’m Tyler Graunke.

M&M: Who?

Tyler: You know, the Quarterback for the University of Hawaii.

M&M: Isn’t that Colt Brennan?

Tyler: Well…uh…I play too.

M&M: How nice for you.

(M&M walks away)

Let’s just say, after I heard that story, I never expected much from the Graunke era.)

Sadly, this misplaced optimism almost never pays off. Fans keep waiting for their maddeningly gifted, yet tragically flawed idol to take the next step, but it rarely happens. Occasionally, a Brett Favre, a David Ortiz, or a Chauncey Billups will flip the switch and make the leap to greatness, but those players are few and far between. Generally, the great ones are great from day one.

Which is why I’m so excited about Derrick Rose: Because Derrick Rose is great.

From his unassuming 11 point, 9 assist debut to his 36 point, 11 assist, 4 rebound explosion in Game 1 of the Bulls/Celtics series, Derrick Rose has consistently exhibited greatness. That’s not to say he hasn’t struggled – because he has – simply, that in every game, good or bad, you know you’re watching something special. Whether it’s his lightning quick first step, uncanny court vision, or the way he drives the lane, absorbs a hard hit in mid air, and still finishes strong, his uncanny blend of hustle, basketball I.Q., and freakish athleticism are on display at all times.

As a Bulls fan, I haven’t been this excited about a player since, well, since you-know-who. And I’ve been excited about A LOT of players, because the Bulls have had A LOT of high draft picks.

I convinced myself that Elton Brand was the next great power forward (when really, he was like a vanilla ice cream cone: tasty and satisfying, yet wholly underwhelming.)

I convinced myself that Jamal Crawford would be a human highlight reel (when really, his defense made him a human lay-up drill.)

I convinced myself that Eddy Curry would score at will from the low post (when really, he couldn’t even score in the low post with his male chauffeur.)

I convinced myself that Jay Williams would make a historical impact on the NBA (when really, the only thing he made a historical impact on was a utility pole. Ooooohhh…Too soon?).

But, every time I convinced myself that the next player in the long line of disappointing draft picks would be great, I had a nagging sense of doubt. I talked myself into it, but I didn’t truly believe.

Until now.

Now, I’m all in. No doubt about it. 100%.

Derrick Rose is great. The only question left is how great.

I’d stop and think about it, but I’m too busy moaning in pleasure, praying to my deity of choice, and, of course, thinking about how much I’d pay for a lightly toasted ham and turkey with swiss.

[Author's Note: In a failing of epic proportions, I wrote a tribute article to my favorite basketball player (Derrick Rose) and misspelled his name (Derek Rose). Needless to say, I have since corrected the error (and reexamined my practice of publishing articles at 1 AM). Kudos to JBor Kolsky for setting me straight.

And here I thought losing to my wife in the JBorhood March Madness Extravaganza would be my most embarrassing April mishap.]

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Playoff Preview

Sadly, I’ve been so busy with a number of outside projects that most of the opening round series will have played three games by the time I post my predictions. On the plus side, I might actually get a few predictions right this year.

First Round

Eastern Conference

Cleveland Lebrons over Detroit Pistons

Ever since MJ retired in 98 (That’s right. 98. I don’t want to hear any nonsense about Washington. That never happened. You hear me? NEVER. HAPPENED.), basketball pundits have been dying to anoint players “the-next-Michael-Jordan”. Thus far, Kobe Bryant has come the closest, but even he hasn’t had the ability to single-handedly strap a team on his back and win a championship like Jordan did in 98 when Pippen was hobbled by a sore back, Rodman was one line of coke away from stripping naked at halftime in the playoffs and pissing all over the court, Kukoc had gained approximately 75 pounds from gorging himself on Big Macs after leaving Croatia, and the Bulls starting Center was Luc “a poor man’s Bill Wennington” Longley. This year, LeBron has a chance to step out from under the shadow of MJ, strap a scrappy, but largely untalented Cleveland team to his freakishly large back and put his own stamp on the league. First stop, Detroit. Next, the world.

LeBrons in 4

Heat over Hawks

I have to be honest: I can only name four players in this entire series: Dwanye Wade, Michael Beasley, Josh Smith, and Al Horford. When in doubt, might as well hitch my wagon to the superstar.

Heat in 6

Magic over Sixers

The Magic's best player is Dwight Howard and the Sixers best player is Andre Igoudala. If your best player’s name is Igoudala, you have problems.

Magic in 7

Celtics over Bulls

Before this series started, I would have said Celtics in 4 or 5. Now, I’m not so sure. Without KG, the Celtics are vulnerable and the Bulls are young enough and dumb enough to think they have a chance. I think the Bulls put up a valiant effort and the series goes 7 games, but I just don’t see the Bulls winning Game 7 in the Boston Garden.

Celtics in 7

Western Conference

Lakers over Jazz

The most amazing development in Kobe’s game as he’s gotten older is deference. He’s finally learned to trust his teammates (frankly, I’m not sure I could blame him for not trusting his teammates before when the team’s Point Guard was named Smush, but I digress…), and the Lakers have taken their game to another level. Pau Gasol is a perfect big man for Phil Jackson’s triangle offense and when they stay focused the Lakers look unstoppable.

I’ll go out on a limb and say the Jazz win one, maybe Game 3, on a Deron Williams buzzer beater. (Before you get impressed, check the posting date of this article.)

Lakers in 5

Rockets over Trail Blazers

Remember how I said that you know greatness when you see it? Well… I hate to break this to Blazers fans, but Greg Oden isn’t great. He’s a decent rebounder and an average defender who moves awkwardly and can’t stay out of foul trouble. Meanwhile, Kevin Durant is on his way to becoming the league's most dominant scorer. Sorry Portland, but Oden is the second coming of Sam Bowie.

Maybe it’s because I’m still bitter that the Bulls drafted Tyrus Thomas over Brandon Roy, but the Trailblazers do not excite me.

Rockets in 6

Dallas over San Antonio

On the subject of bad news, I hate to break this to Spurs fans, but your run as an elite NBA franchise is over. After playing over 1000 games and solidifying himself as possibly the best power forward of all-time, wear and tear have finally caught up to Tim Duncan. If Manu and Parker were healthy, the Spurs might have battled their way to one last title this year, but after Manu went down, the Spurs decade long run atop the NBA finally came to an end.

At least Spurs fans have four championship blankets in which to cry themselves to sleep.

Dallas in 6

Denver over New Orleans

Chris Paul is incredible (dare I say, great), but he’s a one man show. Plus, the Hornets quit on coach Byron Scott about a year ago.

Denver in 5

I'll post my second round predictions next week, maybe, if we're lucky, before three games have passed in each series.

NBA Playoff Prognostication 2008

Before I begin expounding on the minutia of the upcoming NBA playoffs, I need to let you in on my dirty little secret:

I was the shooter on the grassy knoll.

(No, wait. Wrong secret. Let's try that again.)

I don't know anything about the NBA.

That's right. I'm embarrassed to say it, but it's true. Over the years, due to factors I'm still unclear about, my time spent at the office has greatly increased, while my time spent sitting on the couch, drinking beer and watching the NBA has precipitously dropped off. If the battle for my free time was a presidential election, the super delegates would have shifted their allegiance to the candidate endorsing hard work and a strong economy because the pro-couch/beer/basketball candidate no longer had sufficient funds to bribe them. I still have time to catch the occasional game, watch SportsCenter every once in a while and read enough online articles to make a convincing argument for who should win the MVP award -- Chris Paul narrowly edges out KG and Kobe for making Tyson Chandler an offensive force. Seriously, how do you turn a player with teeny woman hands and zero offensive moves into a 12 point per game scorer? This fact alone should guarantee him the award. -- but I simply don't have time to watch enough basketball games to make enlightened observations about the current state of the NBA.

A large part of this has to do with Fantasy Sports. I'm a big proponent of Fantasy Baseball and enjoy the bourgeois appeal of Fantasy Football, but no matter how hard I try, I can't get in to Fantasy Basketball. It just doesn't work for me. In baseball, statistics tell me that Barry Bonds gets on base every other time he steps up to the plate, hits home runs like Ike Turner hit wives and that his defensive range and base stealing abilities have developed inversely proportional to the growth of his cranium. In basketball, statistics tell me that Jason Kidd has a superb assist to turnover ratio, but they can't explain that he gets used more then a beer bong at a frat house when he tries to guard anyone with two functional legs. You can make the same argument about football statistics, but Fantasy Football isn't about statistics; Fantasy Football is what we use to explain to our girlfriends why we have to watch the Seahawks play the Ravens on Thursday Night Football instead of attending her cousins third birthday party ("I really WANT to go, honey, but it's the second week of the season and that's, like, the most important week.").

Since I don't play Fantasy Basketball, I don't spend hours and hours pouring over basketball statistics the way I do football and baseball stats. I can easily rattle off who has the lowest batting average in major league baseball right now -- David Ortiz at a stunning .121 -- who's leading the majors in home runs -- Carlos Pena, Derek Lee and Mike Jacobs are all tied with 6 -- or even who led the NFL in rushing last year, -- Ladanian Tomlinson with 1474 yards -- but I can't, for the life of me, tell you anything about basketball other then LeBron James led the league in scoring with 30 points a game, and only because I heard that on ESPN radio on the drive home.

So take what I say with a grain of salt. In fact take it with a lot of salt. Get out a Margarita glass, line the rim with salt and let me pour my delicious, refreshing and hilariously uninformed thoughts, musings and predictions into it for your enjoyment. Because, let's face it, my predictions can't get any worse.

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2008 NBA Playoff Prognostication

First Round

Eastern Conference

Celtics over Hawks

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
(My response to: "Will the Hawks win a game in this series?")

Pistons over Sixers

I had to look on Yahoo sports to see who the Pistons were playing in the second round. That's embarrassing. Not for me, for the Sixers. Is there anyone who takes this team seriously? (Ok, anyone who doesn't live in Philadelphia?) Is there anyone who can name a player on the Sixers other then the Andres (Igoudala and Miller)? I'd rather watch the WNBA then watch the Pistons dismantle the Sixers. Check please.

Magic over Raptors

Ummm...really? I'm not sure I could know less about either of these teams. I'll summarize my collective knowledge:

1. The Magic have Dwight Howard
2. The Magic also have JBorhood favorite Hedu Turkoglu, or as my brother likes to call him, "Glu" or "Elmer" (In reference to Elmer's glue and, more importantly, the fact that he just looks like an Elmer.)
3. The Raptors have two players with cool foreign names: Andrea Bargnani and Jose Calderon

That's it. I'm out. In lieu of any insight, I'll go with the superstar. I say Dwight Howard dominates down low and Elmer knocks down some big shots.

GO ELMER!

LeBrons over Wizards

New year, same crappy supporting cast for LeBron James, same end result: LeBron straps the chumps on his back and single handedly wills them to victory. The Wizards are the popular pick this year, since Cleveland struggled down the stretch and the Wizards are finally at full strength, but I don't see what's different about this Washington team then the team that has lost to the LeBrons the past two years in the first round. Sorry Wizards, better luck next year.

Western Conference

Lakers over Nuggets

Whenever I think of Kobe, I'm reminded of the Eminem song, "Kill You".

You don't, want to f*ck with Kobe
(Cause why?)
Cause Kobe, will f*cking kill you

Seriously, Kobe scares me. Nobody does the Michael Jordan I'm-going-to-win-this-game-by-the-sheer-force-of-my-facial-expression better then Kobe. He looks like a man on a mission this year and there's no way he loses to Enver in first round. (By the way, that was not a typo. There's no "D" in Denver.)

Mavericks over Hornets

Speaking of crazy facial expressions, have you seen Dirk Nowitzki play lately? He's reclaimed the sneer he used to propel the Mavericks to the NBA Finals in 2006. Why is the sneer so important? Well, without the sneer, Dirk Nowitzki he looks like David Hasselhoff's sissy oafish brother. With the sneer, he looks like like Karl from Die Hard. If you're a Mavericks fan, which one of those guys would you rather have leading your team?

Now, I fully expect Chris Paul to make a mockery of the defender formerly known as Jason Kidd, but I think that in the end, the sneer will win out.

Suns over Spurs

Has their even been a more exciting first round match-up on paper then Spurs/Suns? Duncan, Ginobli, and Parker vs. Shaq, Amare, and Nash. I am more excited about this series than about any series in the remainder of the playoffs (with the possible exceptions of the Kobe vs. Shaq or Chris Paul vs. Deron Williams potential match-ups in the Western Conference finals). There have been NBA Finals match ups where both teams are worse then either of these two teams, AND THIS IS THE FIRST ROUND!

I have no idea what to make of this series. San Antonio plays the best team basketball in the league, but the new-look-Suns with a revitalized Shaquille O'neal, are a destructive force on offense and on defense. My gut tells me that the Spurs will win like they always do, but my heart desperate wants the Suns to win and vindicate Steve Kerr and his huge balls. Kerr was torn to shreds in the media for months for having the giant swinging cojones to pull of the Shaq trade and nothing short of an NBA title will get people off his back.

Here's to Steve.

Here's to the Shaq.

Here's to the Suns.

And, of course, here's to huge swinging balls.

Jazz over Rockets

Kudos to the Rockets for their 22 game win streak and kudos to Tracy McGrady for his (soon to be) 7 series long playoff losing streak.

Conference Semi-Finals

Eastern Conference

Celtics over LeBrons

As LeBron proved last year, he's good enough to beat most teams all by himself, just not the great teams. I've got bad news for LeBron and Cleveland fans: The Celtics are a great team.

Pistons over Magic

I want to believe that Dwight Howard has the ability to put the Magic on his (admittedly large) back and carry them past the Pistons, ala LeBron James last year. Unfortunately, at this stage in his career, Dwight looks like a great ball player who lacks the killer instinct, more Kevin Garnett than Kobe Bryant. But he's young and maybe he just hasn't had the opportunity to prove me wrong. Here's hoping, because, as a Bulls fan, nothing makes me happier then watching someone wipe the smug, stupid, cocky grins off the faces of Chauncey, Rip and Rasheed.

I hate the Pistons.

Western Conference

Lakers over Jazz

I'm going to conveniently sidestep the fact that I know so little about the Utah Jazz but bring up my biggest grievance with their team: Their name makes no sense! There's no Jazz in Utah. The team just kept the name when they moved from New Oreleans, the birthplace of jazz! If they wanted a Utah appropriate name they should have gone with the Utah Caucasions, the Utah Polygamists or the Utah Salt Lake Aquatic Mammals (look, I understand that no animals except an extreme saliophile, and ceratinly not a mammal, could survive in the harsh climate of the Great Salt Lake, but go with me for comedy's sake).

Until the Jazz relinquish the rightful name of the New Orleans franchise, the JBorhood hereby decrees that they shall never win an NBA title. Say hello to the Curse of the Jazz!

Suns over Mavericks

The Suns are to the Mavs what John McClain is to Karl. Sorry big fellah, but sneer or no sneer, your playoffs end here.

Conference Finals

Celtics over Pistons

Did I mention that I hate the Pistons?

Well, with that in mind, nothing short of a Chicago Bulls run to the Finals could get me this excited about watching an Eastern Conference Finals. Not because I think the games will be exciting, but because I'm excited to watch Kevin Garnett rip Rasheed Wallace's heart out of his chest and eat it at center court. Nothing would please me more then watching the Piston's starters sulk on the bench with towels on their head as they watch the Celtics close out a four game sweep and effectively end the Pistons stranglehold on the Eastern Conference.

Lakers over Suns

Shaq vs. Kobe with a trip to the Finals on the line. Good lord.

I would love for the Suns to win and validate Steve Kerr's moxy, but that would violate my Kobe Rule: When in doubt, pick Kobe. It's that simple. He has the abilty to take over a fourth quarter to such a degree that even my wife, who loves watching basketball with me, but doesn't know Manu Ginobli from Boris Diaw (wait, what am I saying, neither do I), when asked what the Lakers should do on any given possession, will say "Give the ball to Kobe" (In case you doubt this, I just asked her the question and the exact words out of her mouth were "Give the ball to Kobe". Ahhh, I've trained her so well.)

So, sentimentally, I love the Suns, but I can't shake the feeling that 2008 is the year of the favorite. First all #1 seeds make it to the Final Four and now the two best teams in the NBA will go at it in an NBA Finals for the ages.

Get ready for...

NBA Finals

Celtics over Lakers

Yeah, we're gonna party like it's 1989! (Ok, ok, I realize that the Lakers met the Pistons in the '89 Finals, but if I say party like it's 1987 -- the last time the Lakers met the Celtics in the Finals -- then I completely lose the veiled reference to the Prince song. Jeez, you're a tough crowd...)

Anyway, after I spent three paragraphs explaining why it's sheer lunacy to bet against Kobe, I'm going to violate my own rule (meanwhile, my wife is shaking her head at me, saying I should "give the ball to Kobe"). The Lakers are great. Kobe is otherworldly. But the Celtics are the best team to grace the floor of the NBA in 10 years. They won their games by an average of 10.3 points per game, an average that includes the last month of the season when KG, Pierce and Allen all played vastly reduced minutes. That 10.3 points per game differential is higher then all but three teams in the moder era (and all those teams had a little someone named Michael Jordan).

Now, Kobe may go all Michael on us and take over the Finals, but short of a truly Jordanesque performance, the Celtics are too deep, too talented and too driven to be denied. It should be a Finals match up for the ages, but I see future NBA Finals MVP Kevin Garnett finally hoisting the trophy that has eluded him all these years.

(Of course, now that I've written that, it'll probably be a Utah Jazz, Detroit Pistons Finals. But, then again, what do I know?)