Farewell to Jimmy - 2011

Another year, another crushing defeat for the not so Almighty J.

For the third time in six years, I picked the most correct games, yet for the sixth time in six years I failed to win. I thought the stars were aligned heading in to the Sweet 16. I thought this year would be different. Then my bracket went to hell and didn't even have time to pick out a sweet hand basket.

In seven soul crushing minutes of basketball, UConn ended San Diego State's comeback attempt and Florida held off a surging Jimmer (I have to be honest, that was really just an excuse to say 'surging Jimmer') to beat BYU in overtime, ending any chance I had of beating my Dad in the Jimmy and crushing my title dreams before they got off the ground. Then Duke, who I picked to win it all, got run off the court against Arizona in second half. A final swift kick to the nuts.

Thanks for coming. Remember to wear a cup next time.

But, I suppose I deserve it this year. I have only myself to blame.

You see, last year, I wrote that the trend that picking all #1 seeds to make it to the Final Four was the trend that needs to die. A quarter of last year's entrants picked the unforgivably boring possible Final Four scenario and I openly taunted them when Kansas was eliminated in the second round. Furthermore, I promised identical treatment to anyone else who followed suit, saying "I will similarly mock any future participants who show such limited courage and imagination into their Final Four. Consider yourself warned".

Can you guess who I picked in the Final Four?

#1 Ohio State, #1 Duke, #1 Kansas, #1 Pittsburgh.

So, to kick off the Jimmy award ceremony, I award myself the Hypocrisy Award.


Hypocrisy Award: Almighty J (Justin)

I mocked the basketball gods and the sanctity of the Jimmy and deserve to pay the price. If I ever pick four #1 seeds to make the Final Four again, I'll kick my own ass.


The Mitch D'Olier Jordan D'Olier Memorial Award for the contestant that enters the tournament, but forgets to fill out their entire bracket: Adam Sthay (Adam)

In 2008 my Dad submitted his bracket with one tiny oversight: he forgot to enter his Final Four and Championship picks. To honor his comical misstep, I created the Mitch D'Olier Memorial Award for future participants that submit incomplete brackets. Sadly, no one won the award in 2009 but, in 2010, my brother Jordan raised the bar by submitting a bracket with no picks at all and became the new namesake for the incomplete bracket award.

Jordan's record low zero points will stand the test of time as the lowest scoring bracket in Jimmy history, but his time as standard bearer for the partially filled entry award has passed thanks to Adam Sthay and his incomplete self-titled entry Adam Sthay. Maybe it was a computer error. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe it was karma for naming his bracket after himself. Or maybe Adam was smarter than all of us and realized that no one would correct pick either team in the national championship game (let alone a national champion) and saved himself the trouble of having his picks eliminated. Whatever the reason, his name will live on, emblazoned upon the ceremonial Adam Sthay Memorial Award.

Congratulations, Adam.


Rebecca Black's Friday Award for the most awful new thing I wish I didn't know about but can't stop watching: Who stole kyle singler's eyebrows (Eric)

If you haven't seen the music video for Friday by Rebecca Black, do it now. The immensity of its failure cannot adequately be described. It is a perfect storm of awful, the ultimate in unintentional comedy. At one point, she actually sings "Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwarrrrrrrrrds".

And yet, I can't stop watching. It gets funnier with each viewing as I discover small hilarious nuances, like "why is she walking to the bus stop if her friends are picking her up?", "how does a group of 14 year-olds have their drivers' licenses?", or "what is the creepy limo driver doing following her school bus and why is he rapping?". It's incredible.

Similarly, now that Eric Lau's team name clued me in to Kyle Singler's lack of browage, it's the only thing I can see when I watch Duke play. Technically he has eyebrows, you just wouldn't know it by looking at him. They're so blonde, they're virtually translucent. He's the only person in the world with camouflage eyebrows.


DVD Rewinder Award for most spectacular failure: Uri (Rick Kane Owns Hawaii)

Undeterred by last year's under-the-radar title pick gone wrong (Really, Uri? Baylor?), Uri went out on a limb again this year and picked the 6th seeded St. John's Red Storm to upset the Pittsburgh Panthers and make it to the Final Four out of the Southeast Region.

I'd like to give Uri some credit for recognizing the chaos that would engulf the Southeast region (Butler knocking off Pitt and Florida en route to a second consecutive Final Four), however, that would force me to overlook the fact that his Final Four pick, St. John's, lost in the first round. By 15 points. To a Gonzaga team that would lose their next game by 22. To a BYU team that would lose their next game by 9. To a Florida team that would lose their next game by 3. (By my count, that makes St. John's a scant 49 points worse than Southeast region winner Butler.)

I suppose it's only fitting that a bracket that called out the athletic prowess of Hawaii suffered a crushing defeat in a year when the winner of the Maui Invitational (UConn) and the Diamond Classic (Butler) faced off for the National Championship.

(As a small consolation, Uri's beloved Oregon Ducks basketball team won the 4th most prestigious post-season college basketball tournament, the CBI, which I believe stands for Couldn't Be Interesting. Do they hang CBI banners from the rafters, Uri?)


Nostradamus Award: I Beat Dawn! Unicorn Smasha! (Sean)

After losing to his girlfriend Dawn in somewhat unceremonious fashion last year, Sean proclaimed his goal for the 2011 Jimmy load and clear in his team name: Beat Dawn. And he did, in a big way. Dawn picked Louisville in the National Title game and about four hours after the first game tipped off, Morehead State knocked off Louisville, virtually handing the 2011 relationship crown to Sean.

Congratulations, Sean. I hope this award can provide some solace as you sleep on the couch.


Fodder for Future Relationship Arguments Award: Unicorn's Exist (Dawn)

Dawn may have lost the tournament challenge to her boyfriend Sean and given Uri a run for his money for the DVD Rewinder Award with her National Title game prediction of Louisville (lost in the first round to Morehead State) vs. Syracuse (lost in the second round to Marquette), however, she was also one of only five Jimmy contestants to correctly select any of the Final Four teams and the only to predict Butler's return to the Final Four.

So, whenever Sean boats about his triumphant 2011 tournament victory, Dawn can always claim that she picked infinity percent more teams to make it to the Final Four.


Delayed Epiphany Award: L.A. Leycos (Brett)

I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out the significance of Brett's name. I had no idea what a leyco was, let alone a congregation of leycos. The word sounded spanish, so I plugged it into Google translate. It told me the Spanish word "leyco" meant "leyco" in English. Thanks a lot, Google (http://translate.google.com/#es|en|Leyco%0A).

Finally, I tried sounding it out phonetically.

LA LAY-Kos?

LA Lay-kahs?

LA Lake-ehs?

LA Lake-ers.

You've got to be kidding me.

I spent 30 minutes of my life trying to figure out that Brett named his team the LA Lakers and that is worthy of an award.


What if? Award: Kolskorium (Matt)

Kolsky picked Arizona to make it to the Final Four. Not because he thought they'd make it, but because he views picking Duke the same way most people view getting a colonoscopy. Rationale aside, after #1 seeds started dropping like teenage panties at a Justin Bieber concert, Kolsky found himself, miraculously, one win away from his first ever Jimmy Title.

It was simple: If Arizona beat UConn, Kolsky won the Jimmy.

Arizona was down by two, but had the ball with 20 seconds to go in the game. After grinding down the clock, Arizona's dominant scorer and potential #1 NBA draft pick Derrick Williams - who is shooting over 60% from behind the arc, a number almost too high to believe - launched a three pointer with only 5 seconds left. The ball hung in the air an excruciatingly long time before hitting the side of the rim. But, with almost no time remaining, the ball miraculously landed right in the hands of Arizona Forward Jamelle Horne for a wide open last second three pointer.

Horne launched the shot, the ball again hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time, but, sadly, the ball and Kolsky's dreams of a Jimmy Title clanged off the side of the rim, leaving both the Arizona and Kolsky with What Ifs?


I Beg to Differ Award: Colorado-VictimBig12Conspiracy (Shaun)

Shaun entered the Jimmy under the contentious pretense that his beloved Alma Mater, the Colorado Buffaloes, were left out of the NCAA Tournament due to a Big 12 conspiracy to exact retribution on the University for leaving the Big 12 for the greener pastures of the Pac-10. At face value, Shaun's claim had merit. Colorado had an impressive season, including three wins over #21 Kansas State, and their exclusion from the tourney at the hands of a scrappy upstart mid-major program from Richmond, Virginia nearly led to ESPN college basketball analyst Jay Bilas turning into the Incredible Hulk on live TV in an apoplectic fit for the ages.

Of course, that scrappy upstart turned out to be VCU, who beat USC, Georgetown, Purdue, Florida State, and Kansas (for those of you scoring at home, that's one team from each of the Pac-10, Big East, Big 10, ACC, and Big 12) in dominant fashion on their way to one of the most unlikely Final Four appearances of all time.

I appreciate Shaun's attempts to fight for the honor and understand his line of thinking, but when it comes to the subject of the Colorado Buffaloes deserving inclusion in the NCAA tournament at the expense of the VCU Rams, I beg to differ.


Best Bruin Award: GoBruins! (Trenton)

It was not the strongest year for UCLA in this year's Jimmy.

Trenton's 20th place narrowly edged fellow UCLA grad Brett's 21st place entry to secure him top billing among Bruins.The two UCLA graduates managed to beat only two other contestants, one of whom named their bracket Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit (the other works for Oregon, which sucks at basketball anyway). That said, beating two people in the tournament has to be considered a success for UCLA these days.


Be True to Your School Award: Purple Hayes (Hayes)

On the subject of UCLA, Bruin Business school alum Hayes finished an encouraging ninth place, keeping alive some hope for the pride an honor of those connected to UCLA's fine institution of learning. Of course, in a true display of Bruin pride, Hayes picked the Bruins to get upset in the first round by Michigan State.

Now that, my friends, is business school pride.


Best Subtle Team Name that No One Understood but Me: Luke's sister (Jason)

Jason is neither a girl, nor does he have a brother named Luke. He does, on other hand, have a beautiful daughter named Leah.

Star Wars + Shout out to your infant daughter = Instant JBorhood recognition every time


Mr. Upset Award: Gremlins (Charles)

Following his 2010 Jimmy title, Charles took a somewhat conservative approach in this year's Jimmy, picking only ten upsets in the entire tournament. Unfortunately, those picks were somewhat less successful this year. OK, they were way less successful. Actually, it would be difficult for them to any less successful. Of his ten upset picks, Charles managed to correctly pick... one upset. That's right. Charles correctly tabbed #3 UConn to beat #2 San Diego State in the Elite Eight. Other than that he whiffed on...

Opening round

• #9 Villanova over #8 George Mason
• #12 Clemson over #5 West Virginia
• #13 Oakland over #4 Texas
• #10 Michigan State over #7 UCLA

Second round

• #6 Georgetown over #3 Purdue
• #5 Kansas State over #4 Wisconsin
• #11 Gonzaga 11 over #3 BYU

Sweet 16

• #3 Syracuse over #2 North Carolina

Elite 8

• #2 Notre Dame over #1 Kansas

That's not bad, that's impressive. It's the March Madness equivalent of eating a whole wheel of cheese and pooping in the refrigerator. In fact, I don't think anyone in Jimmy history has ever, nor will ever, pick less than 10% of their upsets correctly.

So take a bow, Charles. You've reached the zenith and nadir of the Jimmy in just two years. I can only image what the future holds for you.

Not as Good as Justin Award: The Fly (Jason)

No matter how old you get, you're never too mature to tease your older brother.


The Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for bracket with the best chance to win that has no business winning: tie, Boner Jams '03 (Jake), Bootleg (Chris)

In 2008, Shaun won the tournament despite picking the least number of games correctly, because he was the only contestant who correctly picked Kansas to win it all and the weighted scoring system gives an overwhelmingly unfair number of points for picking the National Champion. (On a related note, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished third that year despite picking the most number of correct games. Moving on...)

This year, Jake was tied for 15th (out of 23) and Chris was in 18th after the first two rounds of tournament play, however, remarkably both remained in contention for the Jimmy title because they were the only participants to pick North Carolina and Florida (respectively) to win the NCAA Title. Jake's and Chris's path to victory was simple, if North Carolina or Flordia won, they won.

Then the Sweet 16 happened. Duke losing to Arizona happened. Ohio State losing to Kentucky happened. Kansas losing to VCU happened. Every team that someone in the Jimmy picked to win the NCAA tournament lost... except Carolina and Florida.

Jake and Chris no longer needed UNC or Flordia to win it all. They didn't even need them to make the championship game. All they needed was for the Tar Heels or Gators to get to the Final Four to hand them the most absurd, undeserved Jimmy title in recent memory (For the record, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished 10th this year despite picking the most correct games for the third time in Jimmy history).

Mercifully, the basketball gods intervened. The boners were jammed, boot couldn't leg it out, and Kentucky and Butler won, felling the title aspirations of UNC, Florida, Jake and Chris, and saving me the trouble of writing a profanity laced tirade about the absurdities of the weighted scoring system.

At least for one more year.


Best Bracket Name Award: Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit (Tori)

Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit sounds like the result of a random 70's rock and roll band name generator. It is equal parts random, hilarious, and awesome, which, perhaps not ironically, accurately describe Tori's picks this year. Even if you doubled Tori's score, her bracket would finish tied for 11th place. But, even if they did exist, I'm sure Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit would be partying too hard to care.

Honorable Mention to Jake for his entry, Boner Jams '03. I'm not quite sure what songs would qualify as boner jams (athletic themed porn music?), but I would definitely buy that album.


Most Aptly Named Bracket Award: Field of Dreams (Alex)

Alex finished in second place by one point. One tiny, minuscule, seemingly insignificant point. One first round match-up that went the other way. One bounce of the ball, one rebound, or one errant pass between him and immortality. Alex would have won the Jimmy had any of the following first round games gone the other way:

• Xavier vs. Marquette
• Utah State vs. Kansas State
• Tennessee vs. Michigan
• Memphis vs. Arizona
• Missouri vs. Cincinnati

Instead, he's left with a second place finish and a field of dreams.


Money Where Your Mouth is Award: Bucket O' Awesome (Nick)

If you're going to call your bracket Bucket O' Awesome, you better deliver. Nick finished a respectable third place - two points behind the leader - and only a BYU victory over Florida away from his first ever Jimmy championship. Perhaps that falls a step short of awesome, but at the least, Nick's entry was a Bucket O' Really Good.


For Lack of a Better Award: Big3JDaddy (Dad)

Dad played it safe with no double digit upset picks, astutely tabbed Arizona to beat Texas and UConn to make it to the Elite Eight, didn't make any big mistakes, would have won the tournament if Duke won, and finished a respectable fifth.

I got nothing.


Karma Award: Another No-Upset Bracket (Aaron)

For the second year in a row Aaron picked no upsets. That's right. No upsets. Not one. No #12 over a #5. No #3 over a #2 in the Elite Eight. Not even a #9 over a #8 in the first round. None.

Thankfully, for the second year in a row, the basketball gods displayed their disapproval with his blatant disrespect for the Mandess of March by smiting his bracket, leading to his unspectacular 7th place finish. I realize this might sound like me throwing stones from my glass house after selecting all the #1 seeds to make the Final Four, but I made a proper offering to the basketball gods by felling sacrificial lamb Louisville at the altar of Morehead.

(I'd like to assume the basketball gods are big fans of Morehead.)


Chicago Cubs Award for the most obvious preordained failure: - pitt is it no really I mean it (Mike)

Mike should know better. He's been though this before. Every year Pitt emerges from a stacked Big East Conference schedule looking like one of the best teams in the country. They play blue collar basketball. They hustle for loose balls, rebound well, don't commit fouls, and play tough team oriented defense. They're the kind of team every fan loves to root for and, by the end of the season, convince all of their supporters that they have what it takes to win a National Championship.

"This year is different!"

"Next year is here!"

"Pitt is it! No really, I mean it!"

Then, just like every year, Pitt finds a way to rip out the hearts of their fans in a new, completely unforeseen, unimaginably painful way. Losing a game in which you're tied and going to the line to shoot a free throw with only 1.7 seconds left without going to overtime is hard to do and, yet, total vintage Pittsburgh.

So, while I shed a tear for my favorite crest fallen Pittsburgh fan, there's only so much sympathy you can give to someone who puts their faith in the Chicago Cubs of college basketball.


D'Olier Family Champion Award: DZaster (Deanna)

Since the Jimmy started in 2006, I haven't just failed to bring home the overall title, I have never even won the family title.

In 2006, I finished second in the family to Jason when Adam Morrison and Gonzaga choked away a 9-point lead with 3:13 to play.

IN 2007, I finished second in the family to Jason when Texas A&M lost a heart breaker to Ohio State in the Sweet 16.

In 2008, I finished second in the family to Deanna when Tennessee lost a stunner to Louisville, who lost a nail biter to North Carolina, when a different outcome in either game would have given me the victory.

In 2009, well... let's not talk about 2009 (16th out of 20?????).

In 2010, I finished second in the family to Jason after Ohio State choked in the Sweet 16 against a hide-the-women-and-children-awful Tennessee squad, handing Jason the victory by one point.

This year was supposed to be different.

I jumped out to a commanding lead after the first two rounds and, without any notable upsets left in my bracket, the only thing I needed to wrap up my first ever D'OFCHA (not to mention, potential first Jimmy championship) was Duke, San Diego State or BYU to win their Sweet 16 game.

I didn't need an upset.

I didn't need a long shot.

I just needed one win in three games.

Then UConn over San Diego State happened. Florida over BYU in overtime happened. Arizona over Duke happened. (Arizona? Really? I lost because of Ari-freaking-zona?)

Another year, another bitter defeat. I wrap up my fourth second place family finish, cementing my legacy as the Pittsburgh Panthers of NCAA Bracket Challenges.

Personal grievances aside, congratulations to Deanna on her second D'OFCHA and first ever Jimmy Championship. Heading in to the final day of the Elite Eight, a victory by North Carolina, Florida or BYU would have knocked her out of the top spot, but she survived by the narrowest of margins - a one point victory over runner-up Field of Dreams - to cut down the nets and walk off into history in her own personal One Shining Moment montage.

As a reward for winning, Deanna receives a JBorhood article on the topic of her choice. (May I suggest the Top 10 reasons a weighted NCAA tournament pool scoring system sucks?)

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Thanks for playing everyone, see you next year!

It Has Begun

Embarrassing disclosure time: Last night was only the third UH Men's Basketball game I've attended since 2008. The unfortunate confluence of fatherhood and the borderline unwatchable Bob Nash era teams caused UH hoops to fall off my radar. I still paid attention - looked at box scores, tuned into K5 from time to time, openly wondered why Rod Flemings drove to the basket with the enthusiasm of a colonoscopy patient - but I never fully embraced the team after Riley Wallace left, or, more accurately, since Julian Senseley graduated.

But, new UH Men's basketball coach Gib Arnold has me excited. Very excited. Exact-opposite-of-Rod-Flemings-on-game-day excited. Seemingly every day, The Star-Advertiser or Warrior Insider (the must-read UH men's basketball blog) run a story about another incredibly tall, athletically gifted, would-never-possibly-consider-playing-basketball-in-Hawaii player committing to the Rainbow Warriors. Riley Wallace was allergic to athletically talented freshman. Gib Arnold attracts more college freshman than dollar night at Pipeline Cafe. So, when I heard that the undefeated Rainbows were playing a nationally televised game as part of ESPN's College Hoops Tip-Off Marathon at 11pm, I was in like Flynn. (Random note: I love outdated colloquialisms that endure past the point of relevancy. I have no idea who Flynn is or why he always seems to be in, but dammit, it sounds awesome.)

Undefeated Rainbow basketball team?

Talented group of exciting freshman playing up-tempo basketball?

11 pm start time (i.e. a loud, drunk, rowdy student-heavy crowd capable of influencing the outcome or, as other colleges like to call it, a normal college basketball atmosphere)?

32 ounce beers and garlic fries?

Check, check, check, and, surprisingly, check.

That's right. The University finally listened to the JBorhood. After I famously called out the school for the glaring lack of malted, hoppy liquid refreshment and garlic laced fried carbohydrates at the 11pm ESPN game in 2008 (Since we all agree that my fame is assured, I safely assume that everything I write is famous), someone in the UH athletic department got the memo and opened the requisite concession stands for last night's game. Judging from the intensity of the crowd, the gesture did not go unappreciated. And make no mistake about it, that crowd was intense.

The crowd was loud, positive, and had a big impact on the game.

Every time the game got close, every time the Rainbows needed a defensive stop, every time the opponents took a big free throw, the crowd took the noise to another level. 3,000 sounded like 30,000. You could see the impact on the faces of the UH players. When they made a big play, and they made a lot of big plays -- this team gets up and down the court in a hurry and probably threw more alley-oops last night than the sum total thrown in the Bob Nash era -- they'd look to the crowd for a reaction, throw their arms up, and encourage the crowd to kick it up a notch. It was the perfect symbiotic relationship: Fans begging their team for a reason to scream and a team only too happy to oblige. It was the most fun I've had at a UH Basketball game since AC Carter was throwing no-look outlet passes to Alika Smith.

But, ultimately, this game was not about the crowd, it was about the team. This team can flat out play. Gib Arnold deserves our respect, congratulations, and support for the job he did overhauling the roster and culture of the Hawaii basketball program. This is not your father's UH team. This team is athletic, deep, and young. Really young. UH trots out a cavalcade of freshman that deserve minutes at the Division I level and I can't remember the last time I could say that about any incoming first year player.

Bo Barnes and Zane Johnson can shoot the lights out. They don't dim the lights, these kids are CFL. When they get open looks... Lights. Go. Off. The Stan Sheriff Center is going to have to start buying bulbs from Costco.

I don't know what to say about Jostin Thomas. He renders me speechless. If he manages to harness his freakish athleticism, soft shooting touch, interior strength, and incredible ferocity, he will go down as the best basketball player in UH history. He is unlike anyone I can remember. Guys that fast, strong, talented and young don't come to UH. Ever. He takes too many bad shots, turns the ball over too frequently, and does not consistently dominate the boards the way you'd like a player with his size and leaping ability to do, but he has staggering natural talent, coupled with incredible drive and attitude -- something noticeably absent in recent supposed "stars" (Sensely, Flemings, et al). He is Neo. If he figures it out, he will be the one.

This team still has a lot of work to do. They need to take better care of the ball. They need to remain focused. They need to keep the foot on the accelerator. They need to be more disciplined in their defensive rotations. But, unlike any team in recent memory, this team has the time to make those adjustments. Barring injury, transfer, or ineligibility, these kids have four years to learn, grow, and improve. That's downright terrifying.

If the rest of the WAC isn't worried yet, they will be soon.

If you're like me and you let UH Basketball fall by the wayside in the past few years, it's time to start paying attention again. Come for the basketball. Come for the breathless displays of athleticism. Come for the 32 ounce beers and garlic fries. Just come.

That way, when the University of Hawaii wins their first ever NCAA tournament game in two years, you'll be able to say you were there from the beginning.

Make no mistake about it, it has begun.

The Tri-Coast Sports Melee Rides Again

This week, I explain why the Lakers are still in command of the NBA Finals; Kolsky professes his love for the WNBA; LeBron James upstages our NBA Finals discussion; Mike compares Stephen Strasburg to Jack Cust; and we all make our predictions for Strasburg's debut.

Sit back, relax, pour a nearly frozen domestic ale into a frosty pint glass, and enjoy the show.

LET'S GET IT ON: Tri-Coast Sports Melee - 6/7/2010

Game. Set. Match.

This series is over. Done. Finished. Put it in the books. Lakers in 5 (and that's being generous).

The Lakers dictated every facet of Game 1. They got easy baskets whenever they wanted, completely controlled the glass, and turned the Celtics into a completely one-dimensional jump shooting team on offense. The Lakers dominated so thoroughly that Phil Jackson switched to Belichick-mode in the fourth quarter and went to a completely vanilla game plan. It tells you everything you need to know about this game that the Celtics never made a run. You have to play defense to make a run.

In 2008, the Celtics exploited three distinct advantages:

1. They dominated the boards (255-223).
2. They dominated from behind the arc (43%-34%)
3. They never gave up easy baskets

In 2010, none of those advantages apply. Bolstered by a healthy Andrew Bynum, the Lakers controlled the offensive (12-8) and defensive (30-23) glass; The Celtics sorely miss sharp shooters James Posey and Eddie House, leaving Ray Allen and Paul Pierce as the only long distance threats; And, finally, and perhaps most importantly, whether it's because Phil Jackon, Kobe Bryant and the Lakers figured out a way to dissect the Celtics defense with a quick interior passing game or because the Celtics miss the defensive presence of PJ Brown, Leon Powe, and a Kevin Garnett with healthy knees, the Lakers ran a layup drill on the Celtics.

Now, maybe Kevin Garnett's knees will feel better after the three day layoff. Maybe Ray Allen can avoid foul trouble and lock down Kobe. Maybe Rajon Rondo can find a hole in the impenetrable wall of Gasol, Odom, and Bynum. Maybe Paul Pierce will figure out a way to shake Ron Artest and get to the free throw line.

But that's a lot of maybes. Plus, Phil Jackson teams are 47-0 after winning the first game in a series. That doesn't leave a lot of room for maybes.

---

Random Game 1 musings:


I'm a big fan of Pau Gasol's either-I-strongly-disagree-with-that-foul-call-or-I-just-smelled-a-bad-fart face.


Derek Fisher has a really sweet beard. That is all.


Jeff Van Gundy is usually a fantastic commentator. Witty. Insightful. Entertaining. But, I think he was hanging out with Snoop Dogg (in attendance. I'm just saying...) before the start of Game 1. Jeff started things off by suggesting the big difference between the 2008 and 2010 Celtics was that Tony Allen (2010 sixth man) is a slasher, not a shooter like James Posey (2008 sixth man), which, while true, ranks somewhere between the size of Kendrick Perkins chin beard and the color of Paul Pierce's headband on the list of important differences between the '08 and '10 Celtics. He followed that nugget of wisdom with these three gems:

* "You need enough quickness on the floor to guard Shannon Brown". (Because, as we all know, the key to stopping the Lakers is containing Shannon Brown...)
* "I'm taking Nate Robinson on this jump ball [vs. Pau Gasol]". (I'll let you guess whether the 7-foot Gasol beat the 5-11 Robinson.)
* "USA is beating England [in the World Cup]". (There go our chances...)

Of course, just when I was trying to catch Van Gundy taking sips from a flask between plays, he came on at half time and said, "The Lakers had 28 points in the paint in the first half. That never happened in '08". Happy to have you back, Jeff.


At the start of halftime, Stuart Scott asked the commentators, "What did we learn from the first half"? Magic Johnson jumped in and said, "This will be long, great series". Either he was watching a replay of the '85 Lakers/Celtics series or he was hanging out with Snoop and Van Gundy before the game.


Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown had back to back layups in the first half. I'm not saying that wouldn't have happened against the '08 Celtics, well, actually, that's exactly what I'm saying.


Kendrick Perkins stole the ball from Kobe Bryant to start a fast break and, rather than exploit a three on one situation, Nate Robinson jacked up an ill-advised three. I'm not saying that the '08 Celtics would have never taken such a horrible shot, well, actually, that's exactly what I'm saying.


I still don't understand how a player of Rajon Rondo's height (6 foot 1 in heels) can rebound so well. He led a fast break attempt where he got two rebounds on the same play (rebounded an initial miss then rebounded his own miss before getting fouled). When he learns how to knock down a three pointer and hit his free throws, look out NBA.


On the subject of Rondo, have you seen the size of his hands? They deserve their own area code. Maybe that's why he rebounds so well...


When ABC panned the crowd to show the celebrities at the game they listed all their names: Adam Sandler. Chris Rock. Will Ferrell. Leonardo DiCaprio. Steven Spielberg. Jack. Not Jack Nicholson. Just "Jack". Yet again proving that Jack Nicholson is the coolest man alive.

I thought about this again at halftime when Stuart Scott said of Kobe Bryant, "He goes by one name: Kobe". The ability to be referenced by a single moniker is a true sign of greatness. Kobe. Shaq. LeBron. Magic. Bird. Even in non-sports related arenas: Washington. Lincoln. Kennedy. You haven't truly arrived until you can pass the one name test. (Maybe the Brazilians are smarter than we give them credit for.)

Taking that a step further, the true pantheon of name recognition is when you can be singularly recognized by either your first or last name. I could only come up with two people who fit this criterion: Jack Nicholson, equally recognizable as "Jack" or "Nicholson", and Michael Jordan, who is instantly identifiable by "Michael" or "Jordan".

Any measure of greatness that comes up with Jack Nicholson and Michael Jordan sounds like a keeper to me.


Chris Rock doesn't look a day over 21. I need to know what moisturizer he's using.


I'm only half joking when I say that the Lakers had more easy baskets in the first half than they did in the entire 2008 NBA Finals.


The Lakers pianist played Bad Romance by Lady Gaga coming out of a timeout. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, I just thought you needed to know.


My favorite moment of the game was when Kobe was walking into the locker room at halftime and broke into a big goofy grin as soon he saw his two baby girls. It was a total Daddy smile.


My second favorite moment of the game was when Kobe nailed the "Taco Shot" at the end of the game. In case you didn't know, when the Lakers win, score at least 100 points and hold their opponents under 100, everyone at the Staples Center gets a coupon for two free tacos from Jack in the Box. On the game's final possession, the Lakers led 99-89 and needed one more basket to secure crispy deliciousness for the crowd. The shot clock and game clock were nearly identical so LA didn't really need to take a final shot, but you could see Kobe realize the magnitude of the situation, convince Fisher to give up the ball, and calmly drain a three to put the icing on the Lakers dominant victory.

That, my friends, is the game behind the game. (Not to mention, the type of stunning insight found only at the JBorhood: your source for fast-food related sports humor.)


Have a great weekend, everyone.

Farewell to Jimmy - 2010

What a tournament. What a Jimmy.

Jimmy virgin, Brit (Gremlins) took home the vaunted Jimmy championship in dominant fashion -- 6 more correct picks and 28 more points than his closest competitors -- and as such, wins the grand prize of a JBorhood article on the topic of his choosing or a spot on an upcoming JBorhood podcast.

While I don't have anything nearly as pants-wettingly exciting for the rest of you, I certainly didn't forget you...

---

Thank God for Georgetown and Kansas Award: RDub (Ryan)

Lost in the hullaballoo of Georgetown's and Kansas's early exits from the tournament and the corresponding collateral damage suffered by most brackets was the second round decimation of New Mexico, the East Region's #3 seed. Most Jimmy entrants had West Virginia and Kentucky in the Elite Eight of the East (say that ten times fast), so no one noticed the catastrophic effect that had on Ryan's bracket.

Until now.

You see, Ryan didn't have Kentucky or West Virginia coming out of the East. That's too cliche. Likely inspired by his familiarity with Mountain West teams and (I'm speculating here) a case of Heineken, Ryan picked the New Mexico Lobos to knock off West Virginia, Kentucky, and Duke in order to not only win the East Region, but play in the National Championship. It also bares mentioning that Ryan picked the Lobos to play Kansas in the National Championship game, meaning neither of his title picks survived the second round.

I would be remiss if I let this type of misled moxie get overshadowed by the likes of the Jayhawks and the Hoyas. You're welcome, Ryan. Enjoy your moment in the sun.


Best Bracket Name Award: Spottieottiedopalicious (Brett)

It's not topical or relevant. It's not a clever pun. It's not even related to baskeball. But there's something magical about the way Brett's bracket name rolls off the tongue. It is simple, timeless, and beautiful and can only truly be described as spottieottiedopalicious.


Flattery Will Get You Everywhere Award: The Jimmy (Trenton)

Were it not for the truly transcendent Spottieottiedopalicious (the depth and meaning of which I am only now beginning to truly understand), "The Jimmy" would have won the Best Bracket Name Award running away.

Regardless of his narrow defeat in the aforementioned illustrious category, Trenton earns an award simply for stroking my ego. As a side benefit of winning, I will repay the favor to Trenton, who is truly a handsome, brilliant, and (this goes out to all you ladies out there) staggeringly well-hung individual.

Trenton, I salute you.


The Hustler Award: Wally World (Andrew)

Andrew knows nothing about college basketball, or at least that's what he told me when I asked him to join the Jimmy.

"I don't know any of the teams playing", he said.

"I'm going to finish last", he said.

"I don't even know how to fill out a bracket", he said.

Little did I know, Andrew was a smooth talking, NCAA tournament hustler. He came out of nowhere, riding his bold pick of Duke to win the NCAA tournament, to secure a third place finish. Some might call it beginner's luck. But, I know better and, apparently, so does Andrew.

All in a days work for a hustler.


Diamond in the Rough Award: Hayes (Hayes)

If you just glanced at the standings, you'd think that Hayes had a decent, if somewhat unspectacular, year in the Jimmy. 11th place finish. 35 of 63 correct picks. Failed to correctly pick either team in the National Championship game. But that's selling Hayes short. You see, Hayes was one of only five people to correctly pick two of the four Final Four teams (no one picked more than two correctly). For that alone, he deserves an award.

Of course, Hayes also picked tournament runner-up Butler to lose in the First Round, which means he also deserves our mockery. Maybe I should have called this the Topaz in the rough...


Irony Award: I Am Expert (Kolsky)

You'd think someone that named their bracket "I Am Expert" would finish better than 20th out of 24 entries. Then again, anyone who's listened to Kolsky on the JBorhood podcast would understand he's no stranger to wrong predications. For his sake, let's hope he appreciates irony a little more than the rest of us...


D'Olier Family Champion Award: Go Duke Win 2 Lose 1 (Jason)

After Northern Iowa played shotgun to my bracket's Old Yeller, knocking out Kansas -- my championship pick, I realized I had virtually no chance of winning the Jimmy and focused my attention on winning something almost as important: family bragging rights.

Since the Jimmy started in 2006, I haven't just failed to bring home the overall title, I have never even won the family title.

In 2006, I finished second in the family to Jason when Adam Morrison and Gonzaga choked away a 9-point lead with 3:13 to play.

IN 2007, I finished second in the family to Jason when Texas A&M lost a heart breaker to Ohio State in the Sweet 16.

In 2008, I finished second in the family to Deanna when Tennessee lost a stunner to Louisville, who lost a nail biter to North Carolina, when a different outcome in either game would have given me the victory.

In 2009, well… let's not talk about 2009 (16th out of 20?????).

This year, after the Sweet 16, Jason told me that only thing between me and the elusive D'Olier Family Championship Award (aka the D'OFCHA) was either a Maryland victory over Michigan State or a Purdue victory over Texas A&M. So, Jason and I made a gentleman's wager, that if either Maryland or Purdue won -- ceding the title to me -- I would buy Jason a beer and vice versa. Long story short, Purdue won a nail-biter, I owed Jason a beer, but I got to celebrate the sweet satisfaction of my first ever D'OFCHA… or so I thought.

You see, Jason made one unfortunate assumption: That Ohio State would manage not to choke against Tennessee.

But the Buckeyes choked.

I didn't get the points.

Jason beat me by a point.

And, to add insult to injury, I still owe him a beer.

I will now bitterly point out that, for the third time in the Jimmy's history, I failed to win the D'OFCHA despite picking the most correct games. Stupid weighted scoring system.


Fuel for Marital Discourse Award: DZaster (Deanna)

Even though Jason won the D'OFCHA, Deanna technically picked more correct games (39 to Jason's 37). I'm just saying…

(If you don't think this was a subtle attempt to knock the smug smile off my older brother's face than you don't know me well enough.)


Apocalypse Averted Award: Triceratops (Tori)

Tori missed the deadline to submit her picks, so technically, her bracket was unofficial. But she filled one out anyway and I kept track of it offline. While it contained Tori's usual slew of wild upset picks

(Me: "East Tennessee State over Kentucky? Really?"
Tori: "They're the Buccaneers? How can you root against Pirates?")

it also contained a surprising number of accurate selections: West Virginia in the Elite Eight; Duke in the Final Four; and the biggie, Ohio State to win it all. In fact, Tori was the only person to select the Buckeyes to cut down the nets, meaning that if Ohio State won the Championship…

…Tori would have won the Jimmy.

Now, I consider my marriage to be rock solid, but if I had to suffer the shame of watching my wife -- who, might I remind you, picked Morehead State to win it all last year for reasons as juvenile as you might think -- win the Jimmy before I did, I might have never recovered. Luckily, Ohio State stumbled against Tennessee, eliminating any chance of a potential D'Olier household apocalypse.

I liked it better when she picked Morehead.


For Lack of a Better Award: Not As Bad As It Looks? (Bari)

Bari picked 38 games correctly, astutely tabbed Duke to play in the finals, and finished a respectable sixth place.

I got nothing.


Good Boyfriend Award: BracketBusta! (Sean)

Coming into the tournament, it's safe to say that Sean was confident in his picks. He watched college basketball all season. He constantly poured over the Joe Lunardi's bracketology feature on ESPN.com. He watched the NCAA Tournament selection show. He listened to the experts break down the match-ups. He extensively researched the mid-majors. By the time the tournament tipped off, Sean knew so much about the college basketball season that he convinced local sports writer Dave Reardon to publish those picks in the Honolulu Star Bulletin.

But then the tournament happened. After the first round, Sean was in a 4-way tie for 20th, ahead of only two people, one of whom forgot to submit their picks. In the second round Sean's championship pick Kansas lost. By the time the Sweet 16 rolled around, Sean was just trying to salvage his dignity.

Or so one would think.

You see, Sean had an ulterior motive. His girlfriend, Dawn, also entered the tournament and since Sean is a smart man, he decided to sabotage his bracket to let Dawn win, losing the battle to win the war.

Sounds like a keeper, Dawn. Sounds like a keeper.


Senior Circuit Award: Pete's High Flyers (Peter)

They say that basketball is a young man's game. Sexist overtones aside, that statement held true in this year's Jimmy as none of our (how shall I phrase this without pissing off my mom?) more experienced entrants finished in the top half of the pool. Of the three elder states-people, Peter finished at the top of the heap with a 14th place finish.

As a reward for winning, Peter gets a ceremonial cane, glass of Metemucil, and a friendly reminder that he still hasn't beaten me in Fantasy Football. Maybe that's a young man's game too...


No, Really, How Did I Not Win This Tournament Award: Nannie Nannie Boo Boo! (Nick)

Three rounds into the NCAA Tournament, Nick only needed one thing to win the Jimmy: A Kentucky Wildcats National Championship. And after the first three rounds, that seemed like a foregone conclusion.

Round 1: 29 point victory.
Round 2: 30 point victory.
Round 3: 27 point victory.

At that point, the questions wasn't "Will the Wildcats win it all?", but "Will the Wildcats beat anyone by less than 20?". They had two All-Americans, a slew of NBA talent, and more front court depth than the Chicago Bulls (not that that's saying much… *sigh*).

But, for reasons known only to Nick, God intervened. The Wildcats shot an unthinkable 4 for 32 from behind the arc, 16 for 29 from the free throw line and lost to West Virginia by seven.

Think about that for a second. 4 for 32. I could have shot better than 4-32. In fact, I'd wager good money that anyone reading this far into a self-indulgent article about an obscure NCAA Tournament pool could have shot better than 4 for 32.

Nick, I don't know what you did, but I don't think it'd be a bad idea to go to church any time soon.


At Least We Beat Jordan Award: Big3JDaddy (Dad), Bambi's Champs (Mom)

Dad only picked 33 games right for a grand total of 59 points. Mom only picked 32 games right for a whopping 55. Even if you combined their scores, they'd still finish behind tournament champion Gremlins (114 to 130).

Normally, I would take this opportunity to give them a playful ribbing. But not this year.

This year was special.

This year, someone set the record for poor finishes in the Jimmy. No, they obliterated it. In fact, they set the bar so low, no one will finish the Jimmy with a lower score ever.

By failing to submit any of his picks, my brother Jordan (MEGALODON!) ended up with the all-time record for the lowest score in the Jimmy's history:

Zero.

So, Mom, Dad, consider yourselves lucky. I won't say that you'd be better off throwing darts at a bracket blindfolded than making your picks. I won't say that your picks would make Dick Vitale cry. I won't even say that a blind spider monkey could have made better picks after drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels.

I'll just say, you should give your youngest son a hug.

---

Thanks for playing everyone. We had the best turnout Jimmy history and as much fun as I can ever remember. I hope to see you all next year.

Until then, see you in the Hood!

Return of the Jimmy - 2010

As the ides of March approach and the Guiness Draught flows freely through the streets, we convene once again for that sacred rite of March...

The JBorhood March Madness Extravaganza! (aka the J.M.M.E or "The Jimmy", as we few, we happy few, like to call it)

It's your chance to prove, once and for all (for the fourth year in a row), that pluck, verve, and luck, will triumph over knowledge, experience, an understanding of the basic rules of basketball, staggeringly good looks, and an amazing set of dimples every time.

As always, the winner wins the right to select the topic for a JBorhood article.

So grab a cup of coffee, your local sports section, and fill out your bracket now.

To sign up, click on the following link (the password is: jborhood):
http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/register/joinprivategroup_assign_team?GID=123468&P=jborhood

NOTE: The sign-up process requires a Yahoo ID. When you click on the link, Yahoo will ask you to log-in to your account. If you do not have a Yahoo account, click on the "Sign Up" link to create one. Once you have signed in, Yahoo will ask you to select a "Bracket Name". This refers to the name of your entry in the league. Enter the name you would like others to see when looking at your name in the standings. Creativity is admired, but not required.

FYI: After signing up, you have to fill out your bracket. Yes, Dad, your ENTIRE bracket, unless you think the tournament will miraculous end at the Final Four.

If you have any questions, email me at jborhood@gmail.com. Otherwise, LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!!!

The Jimmy First Half Recap 2009

One of my favorite aspects of parenthood is the unpredictability. Every day represents a new set of experiences. Nothing goes according to plan. This transforms otherwise mundane activities, like shopping at Costco, into fun and exciting adventures. I don't know whether Haley will sit calmly and happily in her cart, explore her vocal range by shrieking at shoppers like a crack-addled pterodactyl, or decide to test the tensile strength of the Editor-in-Cheif's cell phone by flinging it out of the shopping cart. (For the record, the LG VX5500 fairs quite poorly in the "smashing on the ground" test.)

While this inherent chaos yields some challenges, such as whether the Editor-in-Chief and I can subsist for seven days on SPAM and ramen noodles after spending the week's grocery budget on a new cell phone, it adds a refreshing zeal and joie de vivre to everyday life. (That's right. I slipped "joie de vivre" into a sports column. Suck it, ESPN.) It's exhausting and often drives me banana sandwich, but it's also what makes parenthood the most uniquely enjoyable thing I've ever done.

The glory of unpredictability is also why I feel unenthusiastic about this year's NCAA Tournament. Outside of a few first round shockers (thank you Western Kentucky, Sienna, and Cleveland State), the tournament has been all-favorites, all the the time. We've had close games and exciting moments, hell, the Wisconsin game taught my daughter how to walk (details below)*, but we have not had any memorable upsets and no Cinderellas. (No, Arizona is NOT a Cinderella. When you've qualified for the last 25 NCAA Tournaments, played in 4 Final Fours, and won a National Championship 12 years ago, making the Sweet 16 is about as meaningful as Michael Jordan winning a pick-up game at the YWCA.)

* (When Trevon Hughes hit a spinning, off-balance runner in the lane to put Wisconsin, who I picked to win, ahead by 1 with 7 seconds to play in overtime, I threw my hands into the air and unleashed a primal scream. This excited my daughter so much she let go of the coffee table, threw her hands in the air, unleashed her a pterodactyl scream of her own and took the first four unaided steps of her life over to me and grabbed my leg. That's right. The NCAA Tournament taught my daughter how to walk. Let that be a lesson to all prospective fathers. If a friend asks you to attend their cousins bar mitzvah or help them move during the a future NCAA tournament, tell that you'd love to, but you need to stay home and help your kid learn how to walk (then remove their number from your cell phone and ask yourself why you were ever friends with the kind of jerk who'd ask you to miss March Madness).)

This lack of upsets, surprise and intrigue worries me. The underdog spirit and triumph of the little guy is an integral part of the NCAA Tournament. It's why they call it March Madness. It's why millions of American's waste countless work hours every year researching the rebound differential of Northern Iowa and Western Kentucky's record vs the Top 25 in a futile, yet maddeningly alluring attempt to fill out the perfect bracket.

When everything goes according to plan, there's no magic, no excitement, no satisfaction in picking the winners. It devolves into a simple numbers game.

So as the Sweet 16 starts, cheer for the underdog. Support the little guy. Rally around the madness. And, most importantly, kindly disregard the notion that the preceding 650 word diatribe has anything to do with my current position at the bottom of The Jimmy.

---

Ok, I feel better now. Let's hand out some first half awards!

Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for "Bracket that has no business winning, yet retains a legitimate shot to win" - Justin (Almighty J)

Last year, due solely to the fact that Yahoo uses a weighting system that awards a borderline absurd amount of points for correctly picking the winner of the NCAA Tournament, Shaun (Flying Spaghetti Monster) won the 2008 Jimmy even though he picked fewer games correct then all but two contestants because he correctly selected Kansas to win it all. Following this contentious victory, I wrote: "This certainly brings up the question of whether we need to amend the scoring system to give more weight to picking many games correctly versus just picking the champion."

This year, as I find myself buried at the bottom of the pile, yet still clinging to life as the only person who picked Pittsburgh to win it all, I've grown much more at peace with our scoring system. I look forward to proving, as I said last year, that "it's better to be unfathomably lucky, than any good at picking basketball games."

Runner-ups: Deanna (DZaster), Jason (Jays Picks), and Tori (WickedPissah) for their unique and fortuitous picks of UConn, Syracuse and Xavier respectively.

Most aptly named bracket - Jordan (Gone in 64 Seconds)

Arguably the most clever bracket name (a reference to the fact that he spent one second to deliberate the outcome of each game), Jordan had no idea how clever his name would be. I believe this picture, taken moments after the start of the NCAA Tournament, says it all.



Hollow Victory Award - (tie) Chris (Bootleg), Peter (High Flyers)

Between the two of them, Chris and Peter picked three upsets. Not three upsets correctly. Not three upsets in the first rounds. No, they picked three upsets IN THE ENTIRE TOURNAMENT.

I hope they receive no satisfaction from making picks that took the courage of a third grader. (Though I expect they get immense satisfaction from my frustration over the matter.)


I would have left you alone, but seriously, with that team name you asked for this Award - Eric (stopmakingfunofmybracket)

Really? You thought Florida State would make it to the Sweet 16? Put down the bong, Cheech.


Game most likely to end in divorce - Xavier vs. Pittsburgh

If Xavier upsets Pitt and manages to make it to the Final Four, there's a very real possibility that the Editor-in-Chief, who picked Morehead State to beat Louisville in the first round (for reasons that should be obvious), will beat me in The Jimmy. This would rank somewhere between Rex Grossman single-handedly blowing the 2004 Super Bowl and the Steve Bartman game in the worst sports moments of my life. If that happens, I may have to cut my losses and start a new life.

For the sake of my pride, and the future of my marriage, I pray that Pittsburgh pulls out a victory.

(Author's Note: The lord heard my prayers and personally guided LaVance Field's contested 35 foot three pointer to take the lead with 40 seconds to play into the hoop to give Pitt their third straight gut wrenching victory. Is it too much to ask for these guys to win an easy game? This is worse then watching the Cubs in the playoffs. I don't need this kind of stress in my life.)


The What Has Barrack Obama Done For Me Lately Award - Sean (Shizabaniza!)

In case you don't already know, Sean copied the selections of our Commander in Chief. And I can't blame him (though I will say he should have named his picks 'Barack O-Bracket'). Obama has made almost every right decision the last two years. How can you go wrong? Sadly, Obama isn't quite as adept at picking tournament games as he is dealing with our Nation's problems. Even if Sean picks every game correctly going forward, he will still lose by one.

Sorry, Sean. It's too late to vote for McCain.


You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself Award - Mike (pitt is it)

Mike, who attended the University of Pittsburgh, named his bracket "Pitt Is It" for the second year in a row, and is, without a doubt, the biggest Pittsburgh fan I know (he's technically the only Pittsburgh fan I know, but still...), failed to pick the Panthers to win it all. Furthermore, he is currently beating me in the standings and has the same championship game selection as me (Pitt/Louisville) so he would have beaten me if he had also picked Pittsburgh to win.

Now, if Pitt ends up beating Louisville for the Championship, I'll revel in the glory of my first Jimmy championship, while Mike will try to console himself with his favorite team's "National Championship." He may never recover.


Funniest Bracket Name Award - Hayes (Big Stimulus Package)

lol


The Red Badge of Courage Award - To the 12 entrants (60%) who picked North Carolina and Louisville to meet in the National Championship Game

Shame on the 12 entrants who picked the boring and unoriginal match-up of UNC and Louisville in the Title Game.

(I would expound further on my feelings of contempt for this lack of gumption and originality, except I'm almost certain the type of risk taking and wild speculation I'm advocating is the root cause of the sub-prime mortgage crisis and our country's current state of economic ruin. Maybe risk aversion isn't so bad after all...)


Region to Watch - East Region

Everyone likes Louisville. Almost everyone likes North Carolina. No one can agree about Connecticut or Memphis, but everyone has the winner of that bracket losing to Louisville anyway.

But the East Region... The East Region is different. Some people have Pitt emerging. Others like Duke. Some like Villanova. One especially mavericky maverick even bet on Xavier. No matter what happens, whoever comes out of the East Region will decide the fate of the Jimmy. So, let's go Pittsburgh! Who's with me? (Really? No one?)


I wish I picked a different Championship Game Award - Chris (coachchris)

Chris picked a number of good games to start the tournament, identified a couple of low profile sleepers like Arizona State and Michigan to make deep tournament runs, and smartly picked Purdue to make it to the Sweet 16. Unfortunately, things fell apart on the Tournament's second day when ASU and UM lost close game. Now Chris, who is still ahead of six others, has no chance of winning the tournament because numerous brackets ahead of him share his adroit championship match-up (UNC/Louisville). Meanwhile, four of the six teams behind him still have a chance to win due to picking an outlandish and unlikely championship pairing.

Chris, if you end up losing to one of us because of our bizarre title game selections, I strongly recommend the cathartic power of writing a long winded, bitter rant in an online sports periodical about the illegitimacy of the victory. It doesn't make you feel better, but it makes you thirty and ready for a beer. (And the beer helps.)


Best upset pick - Tori (WickedPissah)

Tori was the only entrant who correctly picked Cleveland State, a metropolitan university that provides a rich environment for engaged learning in an exciting and dynamic location (at least according to their web site) and the Alma Mater of Manute Bol (thank you Wikipedia), to beat Wake Forest.

(For the record she made this pick because "they talk about Cleveland being a really cool place on '30 Rock'." I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that I'm still in danger of losing to her.)

Worst Pick - Akron to the Championship Game - Jenn (Winner)

As easy as it is to single out Jenn for picking a team who lost in the first round to make it to the title game, I find it hard to fault her motivation: "They're called Zips!! And I think their mascot is a kangaroo!! It really doesn't get better than that. Winners for sure."

Furthermore, similar logic served her well in helping her select Louisville to win it all: "I opted for Louisville...not because they are the number one pick and a favorite for the final matchup, but because the little description about the team described them as "a team of Seabiscuits" and I love that horse."

(I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that I'm in danger of losing to her as well.)


Worst Pick from a bracket that did NOT have Akron in the Championship game - Washington to the Final 4 - Justin (Almighty J)

Not only did Washington not make it to the Final Four, they didn't make it past the first weekend, ruining my Final Four before the Tournament even got off the ground, while the person who picked Morehead State to beat Louisville still has a chance to pick all of their Final Four teams correctly.

(I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that you're all in danger of losing to me. GO PITTSBURGH!)

Good luck to everyone in the second half! (Especially me)

Shacking up with March Madness

For some reason, the United States Government has not realized the importance of the NCAA Tournament and declared the first two days of March Madness an official holiday. (Barack, if you're listening, you'd have my vote forever.) For those of us in Hawaii without any vacation or sick days to use, that means missing the entire first round of upsets and insanity. In order to capture a small amount of the fun, I decided to take a late lunch and watch the end of a few games (Texas/Minnesota, Michigan/Clemson, American/Villanova, Gonzaga/Akron) at The Shack in Mililani.

I decided to record the details of my experience and share them in the first ever JBorhood Running Diary.

Enjoy.

2:48pm: Arrive at The Shack Mililani. After a moment's hesitation, decide the quintessential American sporting event featuring American University will go best with a quintessentially American pint of ice cold Coors Light.

2:49pm: American University is desperately clinging to a 53-47 lead with 11:47 to play. On another TV, Michigan has climbed to a commanding 50-38 lead over Clemson. I preemptively pat myself on the back for picking the Wolverines to make it to the Sweet 16. I take a long cold sip of Coors Light. All is right with the world.

2:50pm: Feeling really good about the Michigan pick. They play a ferocious, swarming zone defense and Clemson looks lost on offense. I make a mental note to never underestimate the power of a boring, yet well executed zone defense.

2:51pm: American has apparently decided to resort to running around like crazy, dribbling out of control, and shooting off-balanced three pointers. Their four point lead looks about as stable as the economy. On the bright side, their 4' 11", 145 pound (approximately) point guard, Derrick Mercer, is freakishly quick off the dribble. It's a shame he can't hit the broad side of a barn.

2:54pm: Just saw a commercial for a cell phone service, KGB, that will answer any question you have via text message. The urge to ask KGB to decide what beer I should try next proves overwhelming. I ask them whether I should have another Coors Light or mix it up with a Kona Brewing Company Fire Rock Pale Ale. I am currently more excited about their reply then the Michigan/Clemson game.

2:56pm: American is running the Princeton weave offense with surprising effectiveness. I consider the fact that Hawaii got to the Sugar Bowl using the Run-and-Shoot and wonder why more small colleges don't employ bizarre offensive strategies. I begin to think American has a chance.

2:57pm: American hoists what I believe the Guinness Book of Records will one day classify as the worst forced shot in the history of College Basketball. They lead 55-51 with 9:00 to play. The guy next to me offers to bet me a beer that Villanova wins by 10. I decline the bet.

2:58pm: My cell phone beeps indicating I have a text message. It's KGB informing me that each answer will cost 99 cents and that I need to formally accept their terms of service with a reply. I decide the JBorhood needs a definitive answer to this question and accept the offer.

3:01pm: American's power forward, Stephen Lumpkins (picture a whiter, less athletically gifted, Chris Mimh), dribbles down the lane and throws up an out of control shot that barely hits the underside of the rim. I ask the guy next to me whether American University practices out of control drives and forced shots during practice.

3:05pm: Villanova ties the game with 7:40 remaining. The only person still optimistic about American's chances is their Eagle Mascot, who I believe may be crying under his mask.

3:06pm: Derrick Mercer turns the ball over using the patented American wild pivot foot shift move. I am now more excited about KGB's impending response than any of the basketball games.

3:09pm: Villanova hits a dagger of a three-pointer to take the lead for the first time in the second half. Predictably, American responds with an out of control drive down the lane that is easily blocked, followed by an easy layup for Villanova in transition. CBS displays a graphic on TV indicating that Villanova is on an 11-0 run. I decide to take my Coors Light to a different television.

3:11pm: I reach the bottom fourth of my beer. Still no word from KGB. I begin to worry.

3:12pm: WTF? The Michigan/Clemson game comes back from commercial and Clemson has apparently cut the lead to 58-52 with 3 minutes to play. I joke to myself that Michigan is pulling a KGB. I laugh.

3:14pm: I glance back at the other TV and watch American player Garrison Carr hit the biggest shot of his life: an off-balance runner in the lane between three Villanova players to cut the lead to 63-57. I wonder if American can pull off a miracle.

3:15pm: A Clemson player hits an insane double pump, falling away, arm fully extended reverse layup to cut the lead to 58-54. I begin to drink faster. I begin to think I may need to select a beer without text message assistance.

3:17pm: Down 58-55, Clemson employs a full court press and forces a turnover with 59.7 seconds to play. My palms begin to sweat and the amount of beer left in my glass is perilously low. I wonder how much longer I can wait for KGB.

3:18pm: The TV indicates that Texas has defeated Minnesota. I tell the bartender that it simply reaffirms my opinion that Minnesota coach Tubby Smith is only good at two things: Recruiting great players and choking in the NCAA tournament. She is visibly upset and says that she's from Minnesota. I make a mental note to give her a good tip.

3:20pm: Clemson scores. Michigan now leads 58-57. Michigan takes ten years off my life as they nearly turn the ball over 47 times getting the ball over halfcourt. A Michigan player makes a sensational layup, gets fouled and converts the three point play, giving them a 61-57 lead with 42 seconds to play. I savor a satisfying sip of Coors Light. It tastes like victory.

3:21pm: Clemson quickly scores an easy layup and cuts the Michigan lead to two with 30 seconds to play. I decide that I can't wait for KGB any longer. I order another Coors Light and pray the God of Hops keeps my mojo alive.

3:23pm: With Michigan leading 61-59, Michigan player Zack Novak takes the line to shoot two free throws. I contemplate whether to name my first born son after him if he makes them. I simultaneously wonder how I will break this news to my wife.

3:24pm: Zack Novack joins KGB on my shit list as he misses the first free throw. I begin plans to make a Zack Novack voodoo doll. Novack makes the second free throw. I decide to call it even.

3:25pm: Clemson misses a three pointer at the buzzer to seal the victory for the Wolverines. I take a big gulp of Coors Light and give thanks to the God of Hops. I consider naming my first born son Adolph Coors. I contemplate the repercussions of naming my future son Adolph. I decide against the idea.

3:26pm: With American down 63 to 74 to Villanova and Gonzaga assuming a 57-52 lead over Akron, I wonder whether it's time to get back to the office.

3:31pm: Akron turns the ball over, which leads to an easy Gonzaga score and a 61-52 lead with 6:55 to play. My mind begins to wander. I wonder why Akron's nickname is 'The Zips'. I wonder what a Zip is. I wonder who came up with the name and why they thought it was a good idea. I wonder whether a school named the Zips can ever truly succeed at sports.

3:32pm: I decide that qualifying for the NCAA tournament should likely be considered a rousing success if your nickname is the Zips. I realize it's time to get back to work.

3:34pm: A Bud Light commercial comes on TV. As a display of my new found devotion to all things Coors, I take this as a signal to leave. I ask the bartender for the check.

3:35pm: An Akron player misses a shot. Gonzaga gets the rebound and hits a quick three pointer to take a 67-53 lead with 5:30 to play. The bartender swears at the TV. I remember that she's had a hard day and leave her a nice tip.

3:39pm: As I'm driving back to work, I receive a text message from KGB that says, "Try the Hawaiian Fire Rock! That sounds yummy!"

3:40pm: I cancel my KGB membership.

All in all, I watched one great game, one potential historic upset that fell comically and tragically short, gained a newfound adoration for all things Coors, rekindled my love affair with the Michigan Wolverines, learned that text messaging question answering services still have a long way to go and, best of all, went 15 of 16 in my first day picks and sit alone in first place in The Jimmy. I think I see another trip to The Shack in my future...

(For clarification's sake and any potential HR ramifications, I would like to state for the record that I did not consume any alcoholic beverages during work hours. Any references to alcohol are included solely for humor's sake.)