The Jimmy First Half Recap - 2021

On Saturday December 14, 1991 the #1 ranked Duke Blue Devils took on the #21 ranked Michigan Wolverines in a preseason NCAA basketball game. Duke was coming off a National Title win over the Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon led UNLV Runnin’ Rebels. They returned starters Christian Laettner, Grant Hill, Bobby Hurley and Trajon Langdon. The team was, by all accounts, college basketball royalty. Winning the national title again was almost preordained.

I was ten years old at the time.

It was Saturday morning. 

I should have been watching cartoons. 

But, when I flipped on CBS, I caught the pregame introduction that mentioned Michigan had one of the greatest incoming freshmen class of all-time. Three of them started. They showed a highlight of 6’ 10” center, Juwon Howard, tossing an alley oop to 6’ 10” power forward, Chris Webber, from the three point line. Webber was guarded by some lumbering white guy, who has no idea that he’s about to become a footnote in history. Howard effortlessly flips the ball towards the hoop like a middle school soccer player on a throw-in and Webber leaps off one leg, reaches a foot over the basket, palms the ball in midair and slams the ball home with a quiet ferocity while the defender turns around and stares up at the basket, completely in awe of what he just watched.

At that moment, I was in love.

(Rewatching the clip on YouTube, my favorite part is now listening to Jim Nantz and Billy Packer come to grips with the growing influence of African American basketball culture on their extremely Caucasian basketball world view. Nantz comments “You know through four games, this team is averaging over four dunks per game. They’re very exciting.” Nantz pauses after the word dunks like he just said a word in French and wondered if he’d pronounced it correctly. It’s adorable.)

 

 

What followed was one of the best college basketball games of all time. Michigan’s athleticism matched Duke’s poise and experience leading to a tie game with 28.5 seconds remaining. Duke’s Bobby Hurley held the ball at the top of the key, watching the seconds tick down. Hurley feigned a drive into the lane and launched a step back three for the win... only Jalen Rose soared up to deflect the shot. Chris Webber grabbed the ball, took one dribble and launched a three quarter court heave with no time remaining.

At ten years old, it felt like the ball hung in the air for an eternity. 

My hopes and dreams soared along with that ball. 

Sadly, my ten year old hopes and dreams bounced off the front of the rim along with that ball.

As they so often did, Duke won. In overtime. In a game that changed college basketball - and my own basketball life - forever.

Later that year, my Dad and I won his office NCAA pool because we picked #6 seeded Michigan to make the National Championship Game (and lose to Duke again). They made the game. They lost to Duke. And I became a fan of March Madness forever. I also became very accustomed to watching my favorite teams - and my NCAA tournament brackets - get this close to winning, while watching someone else cut down the net.

Thirty years later and I’m still searching for my second NCAA tournament pool win. I’m fully ready and expecting my annual three quarter court heave to bounce off the front of the rim, but I haven’t lost hope. If the Cubs can win the World Series than surely I can eventually win the JBorhood March Madness Extravaganza (aka the J.M.M.E or the Jimmy as we call it round these parts).

Right?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Blind, enduring hope aside, congratulations in advance to whoever assumes the role of the Duke Blue Devils and dashes my ever resilient childhood dreams once again. The real prize is the friendships we make along the way (and the mock awards I get to hand out).

Without further ado, allow me to present this year’s First Half Jimmy Award Winners.

The DVD Rewinder Award for worst idea while filling out a bracket: Keith (Keith’s Bracket) picking Norfolk State to win the tournament.

In what was either a sign that we owe Keith a belated congratulations for accepting the position of Athletic Director at Norfolk State or the hallmarks of a worrying Fear and Loathing style ether binge crying out for an intervention, Keith boldly picked #16 seed Norfolk State to not only become the second #16 seed to win a first round game in tournament history (against undefeated and top ranked Gonzaga, no less), but to win the entire tournament.

So either congratulations are in order... or someone really needs to check in on Keith.

The Betamax Award for the worst idea that wasn’t clearly fueled by an ether binge: Dad (Big3JDaddy’s Boys) for selecting #8 seed North Carolina to make the Sweet 16.

Betamax seemed like a great idea. Compact size. Higher quality video. Better sound. Unfortunately, the lack of business acumen at the Betamax Corporation led to VHS scoring deals with Hollywood production companies, meaning every cool video release came out on VHS and not Beta.

(They named their product beta... can they really be that surprised they came in second?)

Similarly, I understand what Dad was thinking. Historic program. Potentially light first round match up against a Big Ten afterthought in Wisconsin. Is it that crazy to see the Tar Heels in the Sweet 16? Just look at Syracuse.

Unfortunately, much like Betamax, Carolina never stood a chance. They were down 16 at halftime and ended up losing by 23. To make matters worse, the Wisconsin team that crushed them got run off the court by Baylor. 

I’m sure Dad had good intentions when he picked Carolina to make a deep run just like he did when he bought our family’s Betamax player. But, take it from a kid who had to pick out videos from the Beta section growing up... the selection sucked.

(I’d like to give a shot out to Jeff and myself for our absurd pick of #11 Drake to make the Sweet 16 and my selection of #2 Iowa to lose in the first round - in my defense, I just picked the wrong #2 seeded Big 10 team to lose in the first round  - for being worthy of consideration for this award. We’re the honorary Betamax of the Betamax award.)

The Easter Bunny Isn’t Real Award for child disillusionment: Haley (Halestorm Lit AF Fam)

I convinced Haley to fill out her first NCAA bracket this year. I get the feeling she might not ever fill one out again.

Using sound and rational logic - something I’m sure my Dad and Keith wish they’d paid attention to - Haley picked only one upset in the entire tournament. One. 

#2 seed Ohio State to “upset” #1 seed Baylor in the South regional finals.

Haley’s dream of a title in her first ever Jimmy lasted until about 3 PM PST on Friday as Ohio State lost the fourth game of the NCAA tournament to #15 seed Oral Roberts.

She may never watch sports again.

The West Coast Bias Award for fan that clearly grew up cheering for the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors: Dave (Dave’s Dazzling Bracket)

We all have inherent biases that influence our selections. My Dad graduated from the University of Iowa, which caused him to disregard a lifetime of black and gold NCAA disappointment and pick the Hawkeyes to win the tournament. Jeff’s grandmother is from West Virginia, which led to him picking the Mountaineers to make the Final Four.

Dave’s bracket, with the #12 seed UCSB Gauchos and #11 seed Utah State Aggies in the Sweet 16, two teams that historically played tough against the Bows during our formative early fandom, has “mid-90’s to early 2000’s Hawaii basketball fan” written all over it.

When I asked Dave about his picks he said “I don’t understand. Utah St was good 20 years ago. Why wouldn't they be good now?”, a question I frequently ponder about my own athletic ability whenever I try to do pull-ups now that I’m forty.

 

 

The Mitch & Jordan Memorial Award for contestant that enters the tournament, but forgets to fill out their entire bracket: No one!

In 2008, my Dad forgot to fill out his Final Four picks, which earned him the glorious distinction of having an award named in his honor. This continued until 2010 when my brother Jordan submitted a completely empty bracket, earning his place alongside my Dad in Jimmy history.

 

While no one earned the right to have their name etched in glory alongside past tournament heroes this year, Mitch and Jordan's legacy lives on.

 

The Rashidi Yekini Award for player whose name will cause him to foster an otherwise irrational affection from my Dad: Ayo Dosunmu.

(Background: In 1994, Rashidi Yekini led the Nigerian Super Eagles to a miracle run to the Round of 16 in that year’s World Cup. Fueled in part by their up tempo playing style and the excitement of an African team excelling on the world stage, but mostly by the fact that my Dad really, really, really loved the name Rashidi Yekini, my Dad became a huge Nigerian soccer fan. Without fail, anytime a player has come along with a modicum of skill and a name to match, they become my Dad’s favorite player.)

This was the easiest award of the tournament.

Ayo has so many things going for him in addition to having the tournament’s coolest name. He has NBA level athleticism, ball handling and passing skill; he leads a high flying Illini attack, that was poised to make a deep tournament run as a number one seed; not to mention, he grew up in Chicago, Illinois, just like my Dad.

Sadly, Dosunmu’s tournament run ended in the second round to in-state rival Loyola Chicago (well, sad for anyone who didn’t pick the Rambler’s to go to the Final Four. *ahem*) also ending my Dad’s chance to root for him and my chance to make “Dosunmu, I’ve come to bargain” jokes. Thankfully, Dosunmu appears likely to be a high NBA draft pick and should have a long career in the NBA, so there’s plenty of time for my Dad to enjoy his new favorite non-familial human.

(A Google search of “Dosunmu, I’ve come to bargain” yields only two results: a message board post and a reddit comment. Come on, internet. You’re better than that. That joke is solid gold.)

 

The I’m Not Coming to the Reunion Award for member who displayed the least amount of school spirit: Jason (Fiery Owls of Death) for picking his Georgetown Hoyas to lose in the first round.

Dad picked the Hawkeys to win the National Title.

Hayes picked the #11 seeded UCLA Bruins to upset BYU in the first round.

Shaun at least picked his #5 seeded Colorado Buffaloes to beat Georgetown before bowing out in the second round.

Meanwhile, Jason not only picked his beloved Georgetown Hoyas to lose their first round game to Colorado shortly after sending the message “Go, Hoyas!” to the group chat, he also sent out this photo when it became clear that he needed the Florida State Seminoles to knock off #1 seed Michigan in the Sweet 16 for him to beat our younger brother, Jordan.

 

 

Fun fact: Jason learned that the Florida State mascot was the Seminoles shortly after taking that photo. I give it even odds that he learned the Georgetown mascot was the Hoyas after filling out his bracket this year.

The Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for bracket with the best chance to win that has no business winning: Nicholas Stamp Miller (Nicholas Stamp Miller)

In 2008, Shaun won the tournament despite picking the least number of games correctly, because he was the only contestant who picked Kansas to win the title and the weighted scoring system gives an overwhelmingly unfair number of points for picking the National Champion. (On a related note, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished third despite picking the most number of correct games. Moving on...)

This year, despite picking less first round games correctly than all but two people and only identifying seven Sweet 16 teams correctly, Nick is alive in the Jimmy for one (and only one) reason: he picked Baylor to cut down the nets. As long as the #8 Loyola Chicago Ramblers don't make the Final Four (unlikely) and Alabama doesn't make the title game (also doubtful), Nick's fate lays solely in the hands of the Baylor Bears. Which would make him an equally unlikely (and undeserving) champion.

(On a related note, I lied about not still being bitter.)

 

The Drew Timme Award for looking the best in a photo with a digitally enhanced handlebar mustache: Jeff (Jeffery’s Super Bracket)

When Jason sent me the text message “On another note, the Zags have a very prominent handlebar mustache that I am trying to determine the seriousness of.”, did I immediately do a Google deep dive on Timme’s mustache and mustache celebration and then download a digital image editor to see what every member of our league would look like with a digitally enhanced handle bar mustache?

Why, yes. Yes, I did.

Did I follow up on that work by ranking how everyone looked with their digitally enhanced mustache on a purely subjective and absurd scale, thereby losing two hours of my life that I’ll never get back?

Again, yes.

Do I regret any of this time?

Not for a second.

So... without further ado, here are the rankings in reverse order:

 

#11: Dad: My entire life, Dad has not had facial hair. Now we know why.

 

 

 

#10 Me: My young brother Jordan asked me recently "Are we sure that you're not running QAnon?"

 

  

 

#9 Shaun:  He looks like a method actor that took a bit part in a Western way too seriously.

 

 

 

#8 Keith: If you need to buy opium in South East Asia, Keith knows a guy.

 

 

#7 Haley: Honestly... not nearly as bad as you'd expect. She seems wise.

 

 

 

#6 Nick: Dead ringer for Buford Tannen in Back 2 the Future 3.

 

 

 

#5 Jason: If Gordon from Sesame Street was white.

 

 

 

#4 Dave: If you told me this was from a promo shoot for a new radio program called 'Coach Dave and the Deuce' I would believe you (and tune in to the first episode)

 

 

 

#3 Jordan: Honestly... not much changed.

 

 

 

#2 Hayes: Ready for his upcoming role in the Sheriff Wyatt Earp biopic.

 #1 Jeff: I asked Jeff for a picture I could include in this section. He sent me this. A true, quiet dignity. Like a young Obama. No enhancement required.

 

Remaining Game(s) that everyone is watching: Florida State vs. Michigan, Syracuse vs. Houston, Gonzaga vs. Anyone, Baylor vs. Anyone

This is a more complicated second half of the Jimmy than I can ever remember. Only two people (Nick - Baylor and myself - Alabama) have a clear path to the title due to their championship pick. Seven of the eleven Jimmy participants have Gonzaga winning the title, but, differences in their brackets mean that four of them: Dave, Jason, Jordan and Shaun all still have a path to a title with a complicated maze of scenarios.

If Florida State upsets Michigan, then Jason knocks Jordan out of the running. But, he still needs Baylor to lose before the title game, otherwise, he loses to Dave. 

Similarly, Dave needs Houston to figure out Syracuse's zone defense, otherwise he opens the door for Shaun to win.

Meanwhile, Jordan needs a Michigan win vs. Florida State followed by an Alabama win and a Baylor loss before the championship game in a scenario that's starting to be so specific it makes my head hurt.

There's also an incredibly bizarre scenario where Loyola-Chicago wins the National Title and Shaun and I share the Jimmy Championship which is so unlikely that it is bound to happen because that's just how silly life has been the last year.

No matter what happens, we have an exciting end to the tournament and competitive finish in store for the Jimmy. 

How will it all play out?

We'll have to wait and see. 

Which is to say, I'm destined to lose in crushing fashion due to a short Chris Webber-esque half court shot off the front of the rim, but, but hey: at this point, I'm used to it.

Good luck in the second half, everyone!

 

 

 

Farewell to Jimmy - 2011

Another year, another crushing defeat for the not so Almighty J.

For the third time in six years, I picked the most correct games, yet for the sixth time in six years I failed to win. I thought the stars were aligned heading in to the Sweet 16. I thought this year would be different. Then my bracket went to hell and didn't even have time to pick out a sweet hand basket.

In seven soul crushing minutes of basketball, UConn ended San Diego State's comeback attempt and Florida held off a surging Jimmer (I have to be honest, that was really just an excuse to say 'surging Jimmer') to beat BYU in overtime, ending any chance I had of beating my Dad in the Jimmy and crushing my title dreams before they got off the ground. Then Duke, who I picked to win it all, got run off the court against Arizona in second half. A final swift kick to the nuts.

Thanks for coming. Remember to wear a cup next time.

But, I suppose I deserve it this year. I have only myself to blame.

You see, last year, I wrote that the trend that picking all #1 seeds to make it to the Final Four was the trend that needs to die. A quarter of last year's entrants picked the unforgivably boring possible Final Four scenario and I openly taunted them when Kansas was eliminated in the second round. Furthermore, I promised identical treatment to anyone else who followed suit, saying "I will similarly mock any future participants who show such limited courage and imagination into their Final Four. Consider yourself warned".

Can you guess who I picked in the Final Four?

#1 Ohio State, #1 Duke, #1 Kansas, #1 Pittsburgh.

So, to kick off the Jimmy award ceremony, I award myself the Hypocrisy Award.


Hypocrisy Award: Almighty J (Justin)

I mocked the basketball gods and the sanctity of the Jimmy and deserve to pay the price. If I ever pick four #1 seeds to make the Final Four again, I'll kick my own ass.


The Mitch D'Olier Jordan D'Olier Memorial Award for the contestant that enters the tournament, but forgets to fill out their entire bracket: Adam Sthay (Adam)

In 2008 my Dad submitted his bracket with one tiny oversight: he forgot to enter his Final Four and Championship picks. To honor his comical misstep, I created the Mitch D'Olier Memorial Award for future participants that submit incomplete brackets. Sadly, no one won the award in 2009 but, in 2010, my brother Jordan raised the bar by submitting a bracket with no picks at all and became the new namesake for the incomplete bracket award.

Jordan's record low zero points will stand the test of time as the lowest scoring bracket in Jimmy history, but his time as standard bearer for the partially filled entry award has passed thanks to Adam Sthay and his incomplete self-titled entry Adam Sthay. Maybe it was a computer error. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe it was karma for naming his bracket after himself. Or maybe Adam was smarter than all of us and realized that no one would correct pick either team in the national championship game (let alone a national champion) and saved himself the trouble of having his picks eliminated. Whatever the reason, his name will live on, emblazoned upon the ceremonial Adam Sthay Memorial Award.

Congratulations, Adam.


Rebecca Black's Friday Award for the most awful new thing I wish I didn't know about but can't stop watching: Who stole kyle singler's eyebrows (Eric)

If you haven't seen the music video for Friday by Rebecca Black, do it now. The immensity of its failure cannot adequately be described. It is a perfect storm of awful, the ultimate in unintentional comedy. At one point, she actually sings "Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwarrrrrrrrrds".

And yet, I can't stop watching. It gets funnier with each viewing as I discover small hilarious nuances, like "why is she walking to the bus stop if her friends are picking her up?", "how does a group of 14 year-olds have their drivers' licenses?", or "what is the creepy limo driver doing following her school bus and why is he rapping?". It's incredible.

Similarly, now that Eric Lau's team name clued me in to Kyle Singler's lack of browage, it's the only thing I can see when I watch Duke play. Technically he has eyebrows, you just wouldn't know it by looking at him. They're so blonde, they're virtually translucent. He's the only person in the world with camouflage eyebrows.


DVD Rewinder Award for most spectacular failure: Uri (Rick Kane Owns Hawaii)

Undeterred by last year's under-the-radar title pick gone wrong (Really, Uri? Baylor?), Uri went out on a limb again this year and picked the 6th seeded St. John's Red Storm to upset the Pittsburgh Panthers and make it to the Final Four out of the Southeast Region.

I'd like to give Uri some credit for recognizing the chaos that would engulf the Southeast region (Butler knocking off Pitt and Florida en route to a second consecutive Final Four), however, that would force me to overlook the fact that his Final Four pick, St. John's, lost in the first round. By 15 points. To a Gonzaga team that would lose their next game by 22. To a BYU team that would lose their next game by 9. To a Florida team that would lose their next game by 3. (By my count, that makes St. John's a scant 49 points worse than Southeast region winner Butler.)

I suppose it's only fitting that a bracket that called out the athletic prowess of Hawaii suffered a crushing defeat in a year when the winner of the Maui Invitational (UConn) and the Diamond Classic (Butler) faced off for the National Championship.

(As a small consolation, Uri's beloved Oregon Ducks basketball team won the 4th most prestigious post-season college basketball tournament, the CBI, which I believe stands for Couldn't Be Interesting. Do they hang CBI banners from the rafters, Uri?)


Nostradamus Award: I Beat Dawn! Unicorn Smasha! (Sean)

After losing to his girlfriend Dawn in somewhat unceremonious fashion last year, Sean proclaimed his goal for the 2011 Jimmy load and clear in his team name: Beat Dawn. And he did, in a big way. Dawn picked Louisville in the National Title game and about four hours after the first game tipped off, Morehead State knocked off Louisville, virtually handing the 2011 relationship crown to Sean.

Congratulations, Sean. I hope this award can provide some solace as you sleep on the couch.


Fodder for Future Relationship Arguments Award: Unicorn's Exist (Dawn)

Dawn may have lost the tournament challenge to her boyfriend Sean and given Uri a run for his money for the DVD Rewinder Award with her National Title game prediction of Louisville (lost in the first round to Morehead State) vs. Syracuse (lost in the second round to Marquette), however, she was also one of only five Jimmy contestants to correctly select any of the Final Four teams and the only to predict Butler's return to the Final Four.

So, whenever Sean boats about his triumphant 2011 tournament victory, Dawn can always claim that she picked infinity percent more teams to make it to the Final Four.


Delayed Epiphany Award: L.A. Leycos (Brett)

I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out the significance of Brett's name. I had no idea what a leyco was, let alone a congregation of leycos. The word sounded spanish, so I plugged it into Google translate. It told me the Spanish word "leyco" meant "leyco" in English. Thanks a lot, Google (http://translate.google.com/#es|en|Leyco%0A).

Finally, I tried sounding it out phonetically.

LA LAY-Kos?

LA Lay-kahs?

LA Lake-ehs?

LA Lake-ers.

You've got to be kidding me.

I spent 30 minutes of my life trying to figure out that Brett named his team the LA Lakers and that is worthy of an award.


What if? Award: Kolskorium (Matt)

Kolsky picked Arizona to make it to the Final Four. Not because he thought they'd make it, but because he views picking Duke the same way most people view getting a colonoscopy. Rationale aside, after #1 seeds started dropping like teenage panties at a Justin Bieber concert, Kolsky found himself, miraculously, one win away from his first ever Jimmy Title.

It was simple: If Arizona beat UConn, Kolsky won the Jimmy.

Arizona was down by two, but had the ball with 20 seconds to go in the game. After grinding down the clock, Arizona's dominant scorer and potential #1 NBA draft pick Derrick Williams - who is shooting over 60% from behind the arc, a number almost too high to believe - launched a three pointer with only 5 seconds left. The ball hung in the air an excruciatingly long time before hitting the side of the rim. But, with almost no time remaining, the ball miraculously landed right in the hands of Arizona Forward Jamelle Horne for a wide open last second three pointer.

Horne launched the shot, the ball again hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time, but, sadly, the ball and Kolsky's dreams of a Jimmy Title clanged off the side of the rim, leaving both the Arizona and Kolsky with What Ifs?


I Beg to Differ Award: Colorado-VictimBig12Conspiracy (Shaun)

Shaun entered the Jimmy under the contentious pretense that his beloved Alma Mater, the Colorado Buffaloes, were left out of the NCAA Tournament due to a Big 12 conspiracy to exact retribution on the University for leaving the Big 12 for the greener pastures of the Pac-10. At face value, Shaun's claim had merit. Colorado had an impressive season, including three wins over #21 Kansas State, and their exclusion from the tourney at the hands of a scrappy upstart mid-major program from Richmond, Virginia nearly led to ESPN college basketball analyst Jay Bilas turning into the Incredible Hulk on live TV in an apoplectic fit for the ages.

Of course, that scrappy upstart turned out to be VCU, who beat USC, Georgetown, Purdue, Florida State, and Kansas (for those of you scoring at home, that's one team from each of the Pac-10, Big East, Big 10, ACC, and Big 12) in dominant fashion on their way to one of the most unlikely Final Four appearances of all time.

I appreciate Shaun's attempts to fight for the honor and understand his line of thinking, but when it comes to the subject of the Colorado Buffaloes deserving inclusion in the NCAA tournament at the expense of the VCU Rams, I beg to differ.


Best Bruin Award: GoBruins! (Trenton)

It was not the strongest year for UCLA in this year's Jimmy.

Trenton's 20th place narrowly edged fellow UCLA grad Brett's 21st place entry to secure him top billing among Bruins.The two UCLA graduates managed to beat only two other contestants, one of whom named their bracket Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit (the other works for Oregon, which sucks at basketball anyway). That said, beating two people in the tournament has to be considered a success for UCLA these days.


Be True to Your School Award: Purple Hayes (Hayes)

On the subject of UCLA, Bruin Business school alum Hayes finished an encouraging ninth place, keeping alive some hope for the pride an honor of those connected to UCLA's fine institution of learning. Of course, in a true display of Bruin pride, Hayes picked the Bruins to get upset in the first round by Michigan State.

Now that, my friends, is business school pride.


Best Subtle Team Name that No One Understood but Me: Luke's sister (Jason)

Jason is neither a girl, nor does he have a brother named Luke. He does, on other hand, have a beautiful daughter named Leah.

Star Wars + Shout out to your infant daughter = Instant JBorhood recognition every time


Mr. Upset Award: Gremlins (Charles)

Following his 2010 Jimmy title, Charles took a somewhat conservative approach in this year's Jimmy, picking only ten upsets in the entire tournament. Unfortunately, those picks were somewhat less successful this year. OK, they were way less successful. Actually, it would be difficult for them to any less successful. Of his ten upset picks, Charles managed to correctly pick... one upset. That's right. Charles correctly tabbed #3 UConn to beat #2 San Diego State in the Elite Eight. Other than that he whiffed on...

Opening round

• #9 Villanova over #8 George Mason
• #12 Clemson over #5 West Virginia
• #13 Oakland over #4 Texas
• #10 Michigan State over #7 UCLA

Second round

• #6 Georgetown over #3 Purdue
• #5 Kansas State over #4 Wisconsin
• #11 Gonzaga 11 over #3 BYU

Sweet 16

• #3 Syracuse over #2 North Carolina

Elite 8

• #2 Notre Dame over #1 Kansas

That's not bad, that's impressive. It's the March Madness equivalent of eating a whole wheel of cheese and pooping in the refrigerator. In fact, I don't think anyone in Jimmy history has ever, nor will ever, pick less than 10% of their upsets correctly.

So take a bow, Charles. You've reached the zenith and nadir of the Jimmy in just two years. I can only image what the future holds for you.

Not as Good as Justin Award: The Fly (Jason)

No matter how old you get, you're never too mature to tease your older brother.


The Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for bracket with the best chance to win that has no business winning: tie, Boner Jams '03 (Jake), Bootleg (Chris)

In 2008, Shaun won the tournament despite picking the least number of games correctly, because he was the only contestant who correctly picked Kansas to win it all and the weighted scoring system gives an overwhelmingly unfair number of points for picking the National Champion. (On a related note, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished third that year despite picking the most number of correct games. Moving on...)

This year, Jake was tied for 15th (out of 23) and Chris was in 18th after the first two rounds of tournament play, however, remarkably both remained in contention for the Jimmy title because they were the only participants to pick North Carolina and Florida (respectively) to win the NCAA Title. Jake's and Chris's path to victory was simple, if North Carolina or Flordia won, they won.

Then the Sweet 16 happened. Duke losing to Arizona happened. Ohio State losing to Kentucky happened. Kansas losing to VCU happened. Every team that someone in the Jimmy picked to win the NCAA tournament lost... except Carolina and Florida.

Jake and Chris no longer needed UNC or Flordia to win it all. They didn't even need them to make the championship game. All they needed was for the Tar Heels or Gators to get to the Final Four to hand them the most absurd, undeserved Jimmy title in recent memory (For the record, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished 10th this year despite picking the most correct games for the third time in Jimmy history).

Mercifully, the basketball gods intervened. The boners were jammed, boot couldn't leg it out, and Kentucky and Butler won, felling the title aspirations of UNC, Florida, Jake and Chris, and saving me the trouble of writing a profanity laced tirade about the absurdities of the weighted scoring system.

At least for one more year.


Best Bracket Name Award: Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit (Tori)

Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit sounds like the result of a random 70's rock and roll band name generator. It is equal parts random, hilarious, and awesome, which, perhaps not ironically, accurately describe Tori's picks this year. Even if you doubled Tori's score, her bracket would finish tied for 11th place. But, even if they did exist, I'm sure Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit would be partying too hard to care.

Honorable Mention to Jake for his entry, Boner Jams '03. I'm not quite sure what songs would qualify as boner jams (athletic themed porn music?), but I would definitely buy that album.


Most Aptly Named Bracket Award: Field of Dreams (Alex)

Alex finished in second place by one point. One tiny, minuscule, seemingly insignificant point. One first round match-up that went the other way. One bounce of the ball, one rebound, or one errant pass between him and immortality. Alex would have won the Jimmy had any of the following first round games gone the other way:

• Xavier vs. Marquette
• Utah State vs. Kansas State
• Tennessee vs. Michigan
• Memphis vs. Arizona
• Missouri vs. Cincinnati

Instead, he's left with a second place finish and a field of dreams.


Money Where Your Mouth is Award: Bucket O' Awesome (Nick)

If you're going to call your bracket Bucket O' Awesome, you better deliver. Nick finished a respectable third place - two points behind the leader - and only a BYU victory over Florida away from his first ever Jimmy championship. Perhaps that falls a step short of awesome, but at the least, Nick's entry was a Bucket O' Really Good.


For Lack of a Better Award: Big3JDaddy (Dad)

Dad played it safe with no double digit upset picks, astutely tabbed Arizona to beat Texas and UConn to make it to the Elite Eight, didn't make any big mistakes, would have won the tournament if Duke won, and finished a respectable fifth.

I got nothing.


Karma Award: Another No-Upset Bracket (Aaron)

For the second year in a row Aaron picked no upsets. That's right. No upsets. Not one. No #12 over a #5. No #3 over a #2 in the Elite Eight. Not even a #9 over a #8 in the first round. None.

Thankfully, for the second year in a row, the basketball gods displayed their disapproval with his blatant disrespect for the Mandess of March by smiting his bracket, leading to his unspectacular 7th place finish. I realize this might sound like me throwing stones from my glass house after selecting all the #1 seeds to make the Final Four, but I made a proper offering to the basketball gods by felling sacrificial lamb Louisville at the altar of Morehead.

(I'd like to assume the basketball gods are big fans of Morehead.)


Chicago Cubs Award for the most obvious preordained failure: - pitt is it no really I mean it (Mike)

Mike should know better. He's been though this before. Every year Pitt emerges from a stacked Big East Conference schedule looking like one of the best teams in the country. They play blue collar basketball. They hustle for loose balls, rebound well, don't commit fouls, and play tough team oriented defense. They're the kind of team every fan loves to root for and, by the end of the season, convince all of their supporters that they have what it takes to win a National Championship.

"This year is different!"

"Next year is here!"

"Pitt is it! No really, I mean it!"

Then, just like every year, Pitt finds a way to rip out the hearts of their fans in a new, completely unforeseen, unimaginably painful way. Losing a game in which you're tied and going to the line to shoot a free throw with only 1.7 seconds left without going to overtime is hard to do and, yet, total vintage Pittsburgh.

So, while I shed a tear for my favorite crest fallen Pittsburgh fan, there's only so much sympathy you can give to someone who puts their faith in the Chicago Cubs of college basketball.


D'Olier Family Champion Award: DZaster (Deanna)

Since the Jimmy started in 2006, I haven't just failed to bring home the overall title, I have never even won the family title.

In 2006, I finished second in the family to Jason when Adam Morrison and Gonzaga choked away a 9-point lead with 3:13 to play.

IN 2007, I finished second in the family to Jason when Texas A&M lost a heart breaker to Ohio State in the Sweet 16.

In 2008, I finished second in the family to Deanna when Tennessee lost a stunner to Louisville, who lost a nail biter to North Carolina, when a different outcome in either game would have given me the victory.

In 2009, well... let's not talk about 2009 (16th out of 20?????).

In 2010, I finished second in the family to Jason after Ohio State choked in the Sweet 16 against a hide-the-women-and-children-awful Tennessee squad, handing Jason the victory by one point.

This year was supposed to be different.

I jumped out to a commanding lead after the first two rounds and, without any notable upsets left in my bracket, the only thing I needed to wrap up my first ever D'OFCHA (not to mention, potential first Jimmy championship) was Duke, San Diego State or BYU to win their Sweet 16 game.

I didn't need an upset.

I didn't need a long shot.

I just needed one win in three games.

Then UConn over San Diego State happened. Florida over BYU in overtime happened. Arizona over Duke happened. (Arizona? Really? I lost because of Ari-freaking-zona?)

Another year, another bitter defeat. I wrap up my fourth second place family finish, cementing my legacy as the Pittsburgh Panthers of NCAA Bracket Challenges.

Personal grievances aside, congratulations to Deanna on her second D'OFCHA and first ever Jimmy Championship. Heading in to the final day of the Elite Eight, a victory by North Carolina, Florida or BYU would have knocked her out of the top spot, but she survived by the narrowest of margins - a one point victory over runner-up Field of Dreams - to cut down the nets and walk off into history in her own personal One Shining Moment montage.

As a reward for winning, Deanna receives a JBorhood article on the topic of her choice. (May I suggest the Top 10 reasons a weighted NCAA tournament pool scoring system sucks?)

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Thanks for playing everyone, see you next year!

What Jersey Shore taught me about UH Hoops

I watched my first episode of MTV's Jersey Shore on Monday.

Oh. My. Lord.

I'd often heard the show discussed. I had a vague familiarity with the various characters. I thought I knew what to expect.

I did not.

I was under the mistaken impression that Jersey Shore was a TV show when, in actuality, it is a human science experiment, like Bio Sphere sans the Sphere. It answers the question, "What happens when you take eight self-absorbed, image obsessed, testosterone fueled (that includes the women) alcoholics with liberal attitudes towards performance enhancing drugs, drop them in a house together in the epicenter of misogynist hedonism and provide them unlimited access to alcohol?"

The significance of the results is lost in translation. You have to actually sit down and experience Jersey Shore to understand the unbelievable amount of bizarre humanity packed into one sixty minute dumpster fire of hyper-reality.

Every episode delivers a staggering number of cultural insights that have to be seen to be believed.

...like the importance of the fist pump and how, when properly executed, it can take a party to new heights.

...or that you can buy hair gel by the pallet.

...that with a hot tub, charisma, nice abs and enough alcohol, you can achieve anything.

...that sausage and peppers is correctly pronounced "sah-sedge and peh-pas".

...that performance enhancing drugs aren't exclusively for men anymore.

...what a Snooki is and its incredible ability to create chaos in the midst of calm.

...that my clothes need approximately 247 percent more glitter

...and that the eventual downfall of civilization is less eventual than I thought.

If your level of pop culture naivety has sufficiently shielded you from this reality television show / cultural phenomenon, I cannot adequately describe the magnitude of exaggerated humanity on display in Jersey Shore. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you and you certainly wouldn't understand the subtle beauty of it. Which is the exact same thought I had at last Saturday's University of Hawaii men's basketball game.

The current collection of UH men's basketball player's aren't just a team, they're a phenomenon. You have to see them in person to understand how good they are and, more importantly, how good they will be. UH has had many better teams, but they haven't had a collection of young exciting talent like this since Bruce O'Neil and Rick Patino were paying players in the 70's.

They're still raw, figuring out how to play together. But in the harmonious moments - which are becoming more and more frequent - when everything clicks...

Oh. My. Lord.

They're not just good, they're scary. Despite their solid, if unspectacular 18-10 record, and current fourth place standing in the Western Athletic Conference, the Rainbows are the team no one wants a piece of in the WAC Tournament time. They have more upside than anyone outside of the 24-3 marvelous Mormons from Utah State whom, might I add, want nothing to do with a UH team that had them on the ropes in a double overtime thriller.

The UH team is more than the sum of their parts but, because of the youth of both players and coaching staff, much like Jersey Shore, the significance of the results is lost in translation. You have to actually sit down and experience this UH Hoops team to understand the unbelievable amount of talent packed into two twenty minute halves of salivating potential.

Every game delivers a staggering number of magnificent moments that have to be seen to be believed.

... Miah's blazing speed and his uncanny ability to walk the line between high intensity and out of control.

... Bill Amis's truly sneaky athleticism. He is the quickest, slow guy ever.

... Zane's ability to rain points from the sky (and his startling resemblance to the love child of my little brother and Gumby).

... the silky smoothness of Bo Barnes stroke. It's the Jiffy Peanut Butter of three point shots.

... Jostin Thomas's incredible ability to create chaos in the midst of calm. (He is, without a doubt, Snooki in this extended Jersey Shore metaphor.)

... that the eventual first NCAA tournament victory is closer than I thought.

Sadly, unless UH can secure another home game in one of the random post-season tournaments (The CBI? The CIT? Really? Are these real tournaments or is everyone just messing with me?) UH fans won't have another opportunity to watch the team in person until next season. And that's a shame. This team is a few pieces and a couple years away from making the leap from sports team to local cultural phenomenon. Colt Brennan in high tops.

Many have started to catch on. The Saturday Stan Sherrif crowd was rocking more than they have since Carl English laced up his shoes. When Zane Johnson hit a no-he-didn't NBA three from the top of the key in the second half, the decibal level in the gym was about as loud as the sum total of the noise from the Bob Nash era. The line for Dippin' Dots was over 50 people deep at half time. (Normally, I'm not a big Dippin' Dots guy. If Dippin' Dots really is the ice cream of the future I shudder to think about the dystopian hell hole we've let the world become. That said, when your two year-old daughter likes Dippin' Dots, you like Dippin' Dots. Luckily, I used my highly tuned Daddy-jedi skills to convince her Dora the Explorer prefers Hagen-Daaz to the Dots. If the line for ice cream bars is long at the next game I might be screwed.)

But it's not enough. It's not the 10,000+ sell out crowds that packed the Stan for AC and Alika. It's not the level of excitement deserved by the most exciting UH team in recent history, and maybe ever.

Make no mistake, much like MTV did with Jersey Shore, Gib Arnold is creating a phenomenon. So this Tuesday, when the Rainbows take the floor for what could be the last time this season, cancel all your plans and get down to the Stan Sheriff Center to watch, nay, experience Gib Arnold and the new UH hoops phenomenon. Because, unlike Jersey Shore, you can't watch old episodes on Hulu.

It Has Begun

Embarrassing disclosure time: Last night was only the third UH Men's Basketball game I've attended since 2008. The unfortunate confluence of fatherhood and the borderline unwatchable Bob Nash era teams caused UH hoops to fall off my radar. I still paid attention - looked at box scores, tuned into K5 from time to time, openly wondered why Rod Flemings drove to the basket with the enthusiasm of a colonoscopy patient - but I never fully embraced the team after Riley Wallace left, or, more accurately, since Julian Senseley graduated.

But, new UH Men's basketball coach Gib Arnold has me excited. Very excited. Exact-opposite-of-Rod-Flemings-on-game-day excited. Seemingly every day, The Star-Advertiser or Warrior Insider (the must-read UH men's basketball blog) run a story about another incredibly tall, athletically gifted, would-never-possibly-consider-playing-basketball-in-Hawaii player committing to the Rainbow Warriors. Riley Wallace was allergic to athletically talented freshman. Gib Arnold attracts more college freshman than dollar night at Pipeline Cafe. So, when I heard that the undefeated Rainbows were playing a nationally televised game as part of ESPN's College Hoops Tip-Off Marathon at 11pm, I was in like Flynn. (Random note: I love outdated colloquialisms that endure past the point of relevancy. I have no idea who Flynn is or why he always seems to be in, but dammit, it sounds awesome.)

Undefeated Rainbow basketball team?

Talented group of exciting freshman playing up-tempo basketball?

11 pm start time (i.e. a loud, drunk, rowdy student-heavy crowd capable of influencing the outcome or, as other colleges like to call it, a normal college basketball atmosphere)?

32 ounce beers and garlic fries?

Check, check, check, and, surprisingly, check.

That's right. The University finally listened to the JBorhood. After I famously called out the school for the glaring lack of malted, hoppy liquid refreshment and garlic laced fried carbohydrates at the 11pm ESPN game in 2008 (Since we all agree that my fame is assured, I safely assume that everything I write is famous), someone in the UH athletic department got the memo and opened the requisite concession stands for last night's game. Judging from the intensity of the crowd, the gesture did not go unappreciated. And make no mistake about it, that crowd was intense.

The crowd was loud, positive, and had a big impact on the game.

Every time the game got close, every time the Rainbows needed a defensive stop, every time the opponents took a big free throw, the crowd took the noise to another level. 3,000 sounded like 30,000. You could see the impact on the faces of the UH players. When they made a big play, and they made a lot of big plays -- this team gets up and down the court in a hurry and probably threw more alley-oops last night than the sum total thrown in the Bob Nash era -- they'd look to the crowd for a reaction, throw their arms up, and encourage the crowd to kick it up a notch. It was the perfect symbiotic relationship: Fans begging their team for a reason to scream and a team only too happy to oblige. It was the most fun I've had at a UH Basketball game since AC Carter was throwing no-look outlet passes to Alika Smith.

But, ultimately, this game was not about the crowd, it was about the team. This team can flat out play. Gib Arnold deserves our respect, congratulations, and support for the job he did overhauling the roster and culture of the Hawaii basketball program. This is not your father's UH team. This team is athletic, deep, and young. Really young. UH trots out a cavalcade of freshman that deserve minutes at the Division I level and I can't remember the last time I could say that about any incoming first year player.

Bo Barnes and Zane Johnson can shoot the lights out. They don't dim the lights, these kids are CFL. When they get open looks... Lights. Go. Off. The Stan Sheriff Center is going to have to start buying bulbs from Costco.

I don't know what to say about Jostin Thomas. He renders me speechless. If he manages to harness his freakish athleticism, soft shooting touch, interior strength, and incredible ferocity, he will go down as the best basketball player in UH history. He is unlike anyone I can remember. Guys that fast, strong, talented and young don't come to UH. Ever. He takes too many bad shots, turns the ball over too frequently, and does not consistently dominate the boards the way you'd like a player with his size and leaping ability to do, but he has staggering natural talent, coupled with incredible drive and attitude -- something noticeably absent in recent supposed "stars" (Sensely, Flemings, et al). He is Neo. If he figures it out, he will be the one.

This team still has a lot of work to do. They need to take better care of the ball. They need to remain focused. They need to keep the foot on the accelerator. They need to be more disciplined in their defensive rotations. But, unlike any team in recent memory, this team has the time to make those adjustments. Barring injury, transfer, or ineligibility, these kids have four years to learn, grow, and improve. That's downright terrifying.

If the rest of the WAC isn't worried yet, they will be soon.

If you're like me and you let UH Basketball fall by the wayside in the past few years, it's time to start paying attention again. Come for the basketball. Come for the breathless displays of athleticism. Come for the 32 ounce beers and garlic fries. Just come.

That way, when the University of Hawaii wins their first ever NCAA tournament game in two years, you'll be able to say you were there from the beginning.

Make no mistake about it, it has begun.

Farewell to Jimmy - 2010

What a tournament. What a Jimmy.

Jimmy virgin, Brit (Gremlins) took home the vaunted Jimmy championship in dominant fashion -- 6 more correct picks and 28 more points than his closest competitors -- and as such, wins the grand prize of a JBorhood article on the topic of his choosing or a spot on an upcoming JBorhood podcast.

While I don't have anything nearly as pants-wettingly exciting for the rest of you, I certainly didn't forget you...

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Thank God for Georgetown and Kansas Award: RDub (Ryan)

Lost in the hullaballoo of Georgetown's and Kansas's early exits from the tournament and the corresponding collateral damage suffered by most brackets was the second round decimation of New Mexico, the East Region's #3 seed. Most Jimmy entrants had West Virginia and Kentucky in the Elite Eight of the East (say that ten times fast), so no one noticed the catastrophic effect that had on Ryan's bracket.

Until now.

You see, Ryan didn't have Kentucky or West Virginia coming out of the East. That's too cliche. Likely inspired by his familiarity with Mountain West teams and (I'm speculating here) a case of Heineken, Ryan picked the New Mexico Lobos to knock off West Virginia, Kentucky, and Duke in order to not only win the East Region, but play in the National Championship. It also bares mentioning that Ryan picked the Lobos to play Kansas in the National Championship game, meaning neither of his title picks survived the second round.

I would be remiss if I let this type of misled moxie get overshadowed by the likes of the Jayhawks and the Hoyas. You're welcome, Ryan. Enjoy your moment in the sun.


Best Bracket Name Award: Spottieottiedopalicious (Brett)

It's not topical or relevant. It's not a clever pun. It's not even related to baskeball. But there's something magical about the way Brett's bracket name rolls off the tongue. It is simple, timeless, and beautiful and can only truly be described as spottieottiedopalicious.


Flattery Will Get You Everywhere Award: The Jimmy (Trenton)

Were it not for the truly transcendent Spottieottiedopalicious (the depth and meaning of which I am only now beginning to truly understand), "The Jimmy" would have won the Best Bracket Name Award running away.

Regardless of his narrow defeat in the aforementioned illustrious category, Trenton earns an award simply for stroking my ego. As a side benefit of winning, I will repay the favor to Trenton, who is truly a handsome, brilliant, and (this goes out to all you ladies out there) staggeringly well-hung individual.

Trenton, I salute you.


The Hustler Award: Wally World (Andrew)

Andrew knows nothing about college basketball, or at least that's what he told me when I asked him to join the Jimmy.

"I don't know any of the teams playing", he said.

"I'm going to finish last", he said.

"I don't even know how to fill out a bracket", he said.

Little did I know, Andrew was a smooth talking, NCAA tournament hustler. He came out of nowhere, riding his bold pick of Duke to win the NCAA tournament, to secure a third place finish. Some might call it beginner's luck. But, I know better and, apparently, so does Andrew.

All in a days work for a hustler.


Diamond in the Rough Award: Hayes (Hayes)

If you just glanced at the standings, you'd think that Hayes had a decent, if somewhat unspectacular, year in the Jimmy. 11th place finish. 35 of 63 correct picks. Failed to correctly pick either team in the National Championship game. But that's selling Hayes short. You see, Hayes was one of only five people to correctly pick two of the four Final Four teams (no one picked more than two correctly). For that alone, he deserves an award.

Of course, Hayes also picked tournament runner-up Butler to lose in the First Round, which means he also deserves our mockery. Maybe I should have called this the Topaz in the rough...


Irony Award: I Am Expert (Kolsky)

You'd think someone that named their bracket "I Am Expert" would finish better than 20th out of 24 entries. Then again, anyone who's listened to Kolsky on the JBorhood podcast would understand he's no stranger to wrong predications. For his sake, let's hope he appreciates irony a little more than the rest of us...


D'Olier Family Champion Award: Go Duke Win 2 Lose 1 (Jason)

After Northern Iowa played shotgun to my bracket's Old Yeller, knocking out Kansas -- my championship pick, I realized I had virtually no chance of winning the Jimmy and focused my attention on winning something almost as important: family bragging rights.

Since the Jimmy started in 2006, I haven't just failed to bring home the overall title, I have never even won the family title.

In 2006, I finished second in the family to Jason when Adam Morrison and Gonzaga choked away a 9-point lead with 3:13 to play.

IN 2007, I finished second in the family to Jason when Texas A&M lost a heart breaker to Ohio State in the Sweet 16.

In 2008, I finished second in the family to Deanna when Tennessee lost a stunner to Louisville, who lost a nail biter to North Carolina, when a different outcome in either game would have given me the victory.

In 2009, well… let's not talk about 2009 (16th out of 20?????).

This year, after the Sweet 16, Jason told me that only thing between me and the elusive D'Olier Family Championship Award (aka the D'OFCHA) was either a Maryland victory over Michigan State or a Purdue victory over Texas A&M. So, Jason and I made a gentleman's wager, that if either Maryland or Purdue won -- ceding the title to me -- I would buy Jason a beer and vice versa. Long story short, Purdue won a nail-biter, I owed Jason a beer, but I got to celebrate the sweet satisfaction of my first ever D'OFCHA… or so I thought.

You see, Jason made one unfortunate assumption: That Ohio State would manage not to choke against Tennessee.

But the Buckeyes choked.

I didn't get the points.

Jason beat me by a point.

And, to add insult to injury, I still owe him a beer.

I will now bitterly point out that, for the third time in the Jimmy's history, I failed to win the D'OFCHA despite picking the most correct games. Stupid weighted scoring system.


Fuel for Marital Discourse Award: DZaster (Deanna)

Even though Jason won the D'OFCHA, Deanna technically picked more correct games (39 to Jason's 37). I'm just saying…

(If you don't think this was a subtle attempt to knock the smug smile off my older brother's face than you don't know me well enough.)


Apocalypse Averted Award: Triceratops (Tori)

Tori missed the deadline to submit her picks, so technically, her bracket was unofficial. But she filled one out anyway and I kept track of it offline. While it contained Tori's usual slew of wild upset picks

(Me: "East Tennessee State over Kentucky? Really?"
Tori: "They're the Buccaneers? How can you root against Pirates?")

it also contained a surprising number of accurate selections: West Virginia in the Elite Eight; Duke in the Final Four; and the biggie, Ohio State to win it all. In fact, Tori was the only person to select the Buckeyes to cut down the nets, meaning that if Ohio State won the Championship…

…Tori would have won the Jimmy.

Now, I consider my marriage to be rock solid, but if I had to suffer the shame of watching my wife -- who, might I remind you, picked Morehead State to win it all last year for reasons as juvenile as you might think -- win the Jimmy before I did, I might have never recovered. Luckily, Ohio State stumbled against Tennessee, eliminating any chance of a potential D'Olier household apocalypse.

I liked it better when she picked Morehead.


For Lack of a Better Award: Not As Bad As It Looks? (Bari)

Bari picked 38 games correctly, astutely tabbed Duke to play in the finals, and finished a respectable sixth place.

I got nothing.


Good Boyfriend Award: BracketBusta! (Sean)

Coming into the tournament, it's safe to say that Sean was confident in his picks. He watched college basketball all season. He constantly poured over the Joe Lunardi's bracketology feature on ESPN.com. He watched the NCAA Tournament selection show. He listened to the experts break down the match-ups. He extensively researched the mid-majors. By the time the tournament tipped off, Sean knew so much about the college basketball season that he convinced local sports writer Dave Reardon to publish those picks in the Honolulu Star Bulletin.

But then the tournament happened. After the first round, Sean was in a 4-way tie for 20th, ahead of only two people, one of whom forgot to submit their picks. In the second round Sean's championship pick Kansas lost. By the time the Sweet 16 rolled around, Sean was just trying to salvage his dignity.

Or so one would think.

You see, Sean had an ulterior motive. His girlfriend, Dawn, also entered the tournament and since Sean is a smart man, he decided to sabotage his bracket to let Dawn win, losing the battle to win the war.

Sounds like a keeper, Dawn. Sounds like a keeper.


Senior Circuit Award: Pete's High Flyers (Peter)

They say that basketball is a young man's game. Sexist overtones aside, that statement held true in this year's Jimmy as none of our (how shall I phrase this without pissing off my mom?) more experienced entrants finished in the top half of the pool. Of the three elder states-people, Peter finished at the top of the heap with a 14th place finish.

As a reward for winning, Peter gets a ceremonial cane, glass of Metemucil, and a friendly reminder that he still hasn't beaten me in Fantasy Football. Maybe that's a young man's game too...


No, Really, How Did I Not Win This Tournament Award: Nannie Nannie Boo Boo! (Nick)

Three rounds into the NCAA Tournament, Nick only needed one thing to win the Jimmy: A Kentucky Wildcats National Championship. And after the first three rounds, that seemed like a foregone conclusion.

Round 1: 29 point victory.
Round 2: 30 point victory.
Round 3: 27 point victory.

At that point, the questions wasn't "Will the Wildcats win it all?", but "Will the Wildcats beat anyone by less than 20?". They had two All-Americans, a slew of NBA talent, and more front court depth than the Chicago Bulls (not that that's saying much… *sigh*).

But, for reasons known only to Nick, God intervened. The Wildcats shot an unthinkable 4 for 32 from behind the arc, 16 for 29 from the free throw line and lost to West Virginia by seven.

Think about that for a second. 4 for 32. I could have shot better than 4-32. In fact, I'd wager good money that anyone reading this far into a self-indulgent article about an obscure NCAA Tournament pool could have shot better than 4 for 32.

Nick, I don't know what you did, but I don't think it'd be a bad idea to go to church any time soon.


At Least We Beat Jordan Award: Big3JDaddy (Dad), Bambi's Champs (Mom)

Dad only picked 33 games right for a grand total of 59 points. Mom only picked 32 games right for a whopping 55. Even if you combined their scores, they'd still finish behind tournament champion Gremlins (114 to 130).

Normally, I would take this opportunity to give them a playful ribbing. But not this year.

This year was special.

This year, someone set the record for poor finishes in the Jimmy. No, they obliterated it. In fact, they set the bar so low, no one will finish the Jimmy with a lower score ever.

By failing to submit any of his picks, my brother Jordan (MEGALODON!) ended up with the all-time record for the lowest score in the Jimmy's history:

Zero.

So, Mom, Dad, consider yourselves lucky. I won't say that you'd be better off throwing darts at a bracket blindfolded than making your picks. I won't say that your picks would make Dick Vitale cry. I won't even say that a blind spider monkey could have made better picks after drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels.

I'll just say, you should give your youngest son a hug.

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Thanks for playing everyone. We had the best turnout Jimmy history and as much fun as I can ever remember. I hope to see you all next year.

Until then, see you in the Hood!