Simply Great

Greatness is not elusive. It requires no searching or work to find. When you discover greatness, you know it instantly. It may take time to comprehend the extent of the greatness, but you never doubt that it exists.

Like oral sex.

Oral sex is undoubtedly great.

Anyone lucky enough to find themselves on the receiving end of its glorious wonder does not need a moment to weigh its relative merits. They’re too busy moaning in pleasure, giving praises to their deity of choice, and thinking about how much they’d pay for a lightly toasted ham and turkey with swiss (Really? Only me?). From the moment it starts, to the moment it reaches its final, toe-curling crescendo, the experience is undeniably great.

And that’s the great thing about greatness. It’s simple. If you have to ask whether something is great, it’s not.

Yet, even in the face of this indisputable simplicity, people continue to hold out hope that non-great things will somehow magically improve, evolve, and become great. Like the woman who tells her friends that her ex-con boyfriend has a really great heart and once he gets a haircut, curbs his alcohol abuse, gets a job that doesn’t involve asking whether people want to super size their extra value meal, stops robbing armored cars to pay for his heroin addiction, and quits killing hobos and burying them in the backyard, he’ll make a really great daddy.

But I’m not one to point fingers. I’m the guy that talked himself into believing that Rex Grossman would eventually be a quality NFL starter. (In Grossman’s case, I believe “quality” could be defined as throwing the ball to his teammates more than the opposing defense. *sigh*)

Sadly, us sports fans do this all the time. We so desperately want our favorite players to be great that we ignore all signs to the contrary.

“If Tavaris Jackson would stop peeing his pants at the first hint of pressure, skipping the ball off the turf before it gets to the receiver, and completed more than one out of every ten passes, HE COULD BE GREAT!”

“If Mark Prior could only stay healthy long enough to pitch six innings before complaining of nagging pains in his vaginal wall, HE COULD BE GREAT!”

“If Corey Patterson would learn that no one’s going to take away his dinner if he doesn’t swing at the first pitch, struck out less than a fraternity guy at Lilith Fair, and laid off the neck high fastball, HE COULD BE GREAT!”

“If Tyler Graunke could only study as many lines in his playbook as he snorted off his coffee table, HE COULD BE GREAT!” (That’s right. I went there. Sorry, Tyler. If you “blow” your opportunity to capitalize on the media attention generated by Colt Brennan and make it to the NFL because you were too busy doing coke, you’re gonna get called out by the JBorhood. On that note, I have to pass along my favorite Tyler Graunke story. When Tyler was backing up Colt in 2007, he hit on my buddies girlfriend, M&M, at a bar one night.

Tyler: Hi, I’m Tyler Graunke.

M&M: Who?

Tyler: You know, the Quarterback for the University of Hawaii.

M&M: Isn’t that Colt Brennan?

Tyler: Well…uh…I play too.

M&M: How nice for you.

(M&M walks away)

Let’s just say, after I heard that story, I never expected much from the Graunke era.)

Sadly, this misplaced optimism almost never pays off. Fans keep waiting for their maddeningly gifted, yet tragically flawed idol to take the next step, but it rarely happens. Occasionally, a Brett Favre, a David Ortiz, or a Chauncey Billups will flip the switch and make the leap to greatness, but those players are few and far between. Generally, the great ones are great from day one.

Which is why I’m so excited about Derrick Rose: Because Derrick Rose is great.

From his unassuming 11 point, 9 assist debut to his 36 point, 11 assist, 4 rebound explosion in Game 1 of the Bulls/Celtics series, Derrick Rose has consistently exhibited greatness. That’s not to say he hasn’t struggled – because he has – simply, that in every game, good or bad, you know you’re watching something special. Whether it’s his lightning quick first step, uncanny court vision, or the way he drives the lane, absorbs a hard hit in mid air, and still finishes strong, his uncanny blend of hustle, basketball I.Q., and freakish athleticism are on display at all times.

As a Bulls fan, I haven’t been this excited about a player since, well, since you-know-who. And I’ve been excited about A LOT of players, because the Bulls have had A LOT of high draft picks.

I convinced myself that Elton Brand was the next great power forward (when really, he was like a vanilla ice cream cone: tasty and satisfying, yet wholly underwhelming.)

I convinced myself that Jamal Crawford would be a human highlight reel (when really, his defense made him a human lay-up drill.)

I convinced myself that Eddy Curry would score at will from the low post (when really, he couldn’t even score in the low post with his male chauffeur.)

I convinced myself that Jay Williams would make a historical impact on the NBA (when really, the only thing he made a historical impact on was a utility pole. Ooooohhh…Too soon?).

But, every time I convinced myself that the next player in the long line of disappointing draft picks would be great, I had a nagging sense of doubt. I talked myself into it, but I didn’t truly believe.

Until now.

Now, I’m all in. No doubt about it. 100%.

Derrick Rose is great. The only question left is how great.

I’d stop and think about it, but I’m too busy moaning in pleasure, praying to my deity of choice, and, of course, thinking about how much I’d pay for a lightly toasted ham and turkey with swiss.

[Author's Note: In a failing of epic proportions, I wrote a tribute article to my favorite basketball player (Derrick Rose) and misspelled his name (Derek Rose). Needless to say, I have since corrected the error (and reexamined my practice of publishing articles at 1 AM). Kudos to JBor Kolsky for setting me straight.

And here I thought losing to my wife in the JBorhood March Madness Extravaganza would be my most embarrassing April mishap.]

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Playoff Preview

Sadly, I’ve been so busy with a number of outside projects that most of the opening round series will have played three games by the time I post my predictions. On the plus side, I might actually get a few predictions right this year.

First Round

Eastern Conference

Cleveland Lebrons over Detroit Pistons

Ever since MJ retired in 98 (That’s right. 98. I don’t want to hear any nonsense about Washington. That never happened. You hear me? NEVER. HAPPENED.), basketball pundits have been dying to anoint players “the-next-Michael-Jordan”. Thus far, Kobe Bryant has come the closest, but even he hasn’t had the ability to single-handedly strap a team on his back and win a championship like Jordan did in 98 when Pippen was hobbled by a sore back, Rodman was one line of coke away from stripping naked at halftime in the playoffs and pissing all over the court, Kukoc had gained approximately 75 pounds from gorging himself on Big Macs after leaving Croatia, and the Bulls starting Center was Luc “a poor man’s Bill Wennington” Longley. This year, LeBron has a chance to step out from under the shadow of MJ, strap a scrappy, but largely untalented Cleveland team to his freakishly large back and put his own stamp on the league. First stop, Detroit. Next, the world.

LeBrons in 4

Heat over Hawks

I have to be honest: I can only name four players in this entire series: Dwanye Wade, Michael Beasley, Josh Smith, and Al Horford. When in doubt, might as well hitch my wagon to the superstar.

Heat in 6

Magic over Sixers

The Magic's best player is Dwight Howard and the Sixers best player is Andre Igoudala. If your best player’s name is Igoudala, you have problems.

Magic in 7

Celtics over Bulls

Before this series started, I would have said Celtics in 4 or 5. Now, I’m not so sure. Without KG, the Celtics are vulnerable and the Bulls are young enough and dumb enough to think they have a chance. I think the Bulls put up a valiant effort and the series goes 7 games, but I just don’t see the Bulls winning Game 7 in the Boston Garden.

Celtics in 7

Western Conference

Lakers over Jazz

The most amazing development in Kobe’s game as he’s gotten older is deference. He’s finally learned to trust his teammates (frankly, I’m not sure I could blame him for not trusting his teammates before when the team’s Point Guard was named Smush, but I digress…), and the Lakers have taken their game to another level. Pau Gasol is a perfect big man for Phil Jackson’s triangle offense and when they stay focused the Lakers look unstoppable.

I’ll go out on a limb and say the Jazz win one, maybe Game 3, on a Deron Williams buzzer beater. (Before you get impressed, check the posting date of this article.)

Lakers in 5

Rockets over Trail Blazers

Remember how I said that you know greatness when you see it? Well… I hate to break this to Blazers fans, but Greg Oden isn’t great. He’s a decent rebounder and an average defender who moves awkwardly and can’t stay out of foul trouble. Meanwhile, Kevin Durant is on his way to becoming the league's most dominant scorer. Sorry Portland, but Oden is the second coming of Sam Bowie.

Maybe it’s because I’m still bitter that the Bulls drafted Tyrus Thomas over Brandon Roy, but the Trailblazers do not excite me.

Rockets in 6

Dallas over San Antonio

On the subject of bad news, I hate to break this to Spurs fans, but your run as an elite NBA franchise is over. After playing over 1000 games and solidifying himself as possibly the best power forward of all-time, wear and tear have finally caught up to Tim Duncan. If Manu and Parker were healthy, the Spurs might have battled their way to one last title this year, but after Manu went down, the Spurs decade long run atop the NBA finally came to an end.

At least Spurs fans have four championship blankets in which to cry themselves to sleep.

Dallas in 6

Denver over New Orleans

Chris Paul is incredible (dare I say, great), but he’s a one man show. Plus, the Hornets quit on coach Byron Scott about a year ago.

Denver in 5

I'll post my second round predictions next week, maybe, if we're lucky, before three games have passed in each series.

Cutlermania!

Holy shit! The Chicago Bears have a starting quarterback!

I was totally prepared to write a 2009 Major League Baseball Season Preview last Thursday, when the Bears dropped a bomb on my world. After 60 years of offensive ineptitude, the Bears finally stopped ignoring the most important position in football and traded for a twenty five year old franchise quarterback in a moment that was like my Birthday, Christmas, and the first time I got laid all rolled into one. (To be fair, the first time I got laid was a little uncomfortable and awkward for all involved, but it was still a great day.)

I tried to write a celebratory article, however, my mind was trapped in a football themed “Being John Malkovich” sequel, “Being Jay Cutler”, and the only thing I could say was “Jay Cutler”. Here’s the introduction to my first draft:

JAY CUTLER!!!!

Jay Cutler, Jay Cutlerjay Cutler. Jay Cutler! Jay cut lerJaycu tler JayCut ler, Jay!

Jay.

Cutler.

JAY CUTLERJAYCUTLERJAYCUTLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The article went on like this for 47 pages, culminating in seven straight pages of exclamation points. Like I said, I was fairly excited.)

When I regained my grip on reality, I got out of the ditch, washed off the blue and orange body paint, put on some clothes, apologized to Kahala Mall security, and started to come to terms with the fact that life as a Bears fan would never be the same. You see, Chicago sports fans accept a few unassailable facts:

• The White Sox are irrelevant.
• The Cubs always lose.
• The Bears never have a quarterback.
  

These things are not up for debate. They just are. Ask any Bears fan to tell you the last great Bears quarterback and they’ll almost invariably say, “Sid Luckman”. (Sorry, Jim McMahon fans. McMahon was a great character, a fabulous leader, and a bad ass mofo, but not a great quarterback. Sadly, the NFL does not award points due to one’s ability to rock a headband or don a sweet pair of shades.) But who the hell is Sid Luckman? Did anyone ever see Sid Luckman play? Did he really exist? For all I know, Sid Luckman is someone a couple drunk Bears fans made up at a bar one night after getting sick of the incessant teasing from Packer fans.

Packers Fan: “The Bears suck! They’ve never had a great quarterback and they never will!”

Drunken Bears Fan #1: “Oh, yeah? What about Sid Luckman???”

Drunken Bears Fan #2: “Sid Who?”

Drunken Bears Fan #1 (under his breath): “Shut up, dude. Just play along.”

Drunken Bears Fan #2: “Oh, Yeah! Sid Luckman is the greatest quarterback who ever lived!!! He could throw the ball 200 yards, cure cancer, and blow up sheep with mind bullets. If he were alive right now, he’d beat you to death with your own hands and distill Single Malt Scotch from your liver.”

Packers Fan: “Wow. I wish I was a Bears fan.”

Drunken Bears Fan #1: “At least you’re not a Lions fan.”

(Hearty laughter is shared by all.)

According to Sid Luckman’s Wikipedia page, which features a photo that looks like someone pasted Marlon Brando’s face on a football player’s body, Luckman retired in 1950. That means the Bears played without a legitimate starter at the game’s most important position for over 50 years!
During that time, Bears fans had to endure:

• Cade McNown, who was about 4 feet tall.
• Jim Miller, whose best attribute was his ability to grow a really sweet beard.
• Henry Burris, who, I kid you not, threw the ball with his eyes closed.
• Erik Kramer, who spells his name with a ‘k’ like a sissy girl, which tells you everything you need to know.
• Chad Hutchinson, who I truly believe came to Chicago because the coaching staff told him he could surf on Lake Michigan.
• Rex Grossman, about whom enough has been said.
• Craig Krenzel, whose GPA was approximately equal to his quarterback rating.
• Mike Tomczak, whose game was, comically, worse than his name.
• Peter Tom Willis, who has half as many names (three) as touchdowns thrown (six).
• Jonathan Quinn, whose only discernible skill was launching the ball 15 feet over a receiver’s head.
  

(And that’s just who I can remember off the top of my head…)

I’d say that Bears quarterbacks set offensive football back 50 years. But, apparently 50 years ago, the Bears had someone that could actually run an offense.

The sad fact is that I’ve never cheered for a good Bears quarterback in my entire life.
Until now…

Now, everything has changed. Rather than talking myself into the Kyle Orton era and championing the subtle sexiness of the neck beard, (Editor’s note: If you doubt the chick repelling power of the neck beard just threaten to grow one the next time you’re hanging around that trick you can’t seem to get rid of…problem solved.) I get to watch Jay Cutler fire 30-yard strikes to Devin Hester with his laser rocket arm. And all the Bears had to give up were two first round draft picks (2009, 2010), a third round draft pick (2009), and a Quarterback whose deep ball pales in comparison to his neck beard (Editor’s note: ha-ha, he said deep ball). (In all fairness, most things pale in comparison to his neck beard.)

Like any trade, certain pundits (read: morons) say the Bears “paid a high price” for Culter or “gave up too much” for Cutler, but that idea is, frankly, hilarious. Jay Cutler is a 25 year old franchise quarterback, coming off of a Pro-Bowl season. Players like that aren’t traded for draft picks. Players like that aren’t traded at all. If the Bears called the Broncos and offered two first round picks and a third round pick for Cutler a month ago, they would have heard five minutes of unabated laughter. Now, the only laughter you hear is coming from Chicago.

The Bears gave up two first round picks?

So. What.

Let’s review the Bears first round selections under current General Manager, Jerry Angelo.

2001 – David Terrell, WR, Michigan (Toss up whether he was a bigger bust or asshole.)

2002 – Marc Colombo, OT, Boston College (Started ten games before suffering a season ending injury, after which he started only two games for the Bears.)

2003 – Alex Haynes, DE, Penn State & Rex Grossman, QB, Florida (Or, as I like to call it, 2Busts 1Year.)

2004 – Tommie Harris, DT, Oklahoma (A legitimate All-Pro, who is now a broken shell of his former self after suffering a knee injury in 2006.)

2005 – Cedric Benson, RB, Texas (The heir apparent to Ricky Williams in every possible way.)

2006 – No pick (Hey, if you don’t pick, you can’t screw it up.)

2007 – Greg Olsen, TE, Miami (A solid offensive contributor.)

2008 – Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt (Injured before playing any games in 2008.)

To recap, that’s one Pro Bowl player, one legitimate offensive starter, and six abject failures in eight years. So, thank you very much, Denver. Enjoy the draft picks.

But I’m not done. In fact, I’m just getting started.

Let’s imagine, for argument’s sake, that Denver’s rookie General Manager, Brian Xanders, whose first move on the job was hiring a 32 year old head coach who immediately fired the offensive coordinator and alienated the Pro Bowl Quarterback from the NFL’s second ranked offense, might do a better job evaluating talent then the Bears. According to reports, Xanders is considering trading the Broncos and Bears 2009 first round picks to move up and select USC Quarterback Mark Sanchez.

Now, we can safely assume that the Broncos 2009 first round pick is worth more than the Bears 2010 first round pick. In fact, we can probably assume that it’s worth more than the Bears 2010 first round pick and 2009 third round pick combined.

What does this mean?

It means the Broncos are considering trading more for Mark Sanchez than they received for Jay Cutler.

Game. Set. Match.

Thanks for playing, Denver. Write if you find work.

So while the Broncos begin the search for the successor to the successor to John Elway, the Bears begin to learn what they’ve been missing all these years.

I suppose in a town that hasn’t won a World Series for 108 years, 50 years can be considered a victory.

The Jimmy First Half Recap 2009

One of my favorite aspects of parenthood is the unpredictability. Every day represents a new set of experiences. Nothing goes according to plan. This transforms otherwise mundane activities, like shopping at Costco, into fun and exciting adventures. I don't know whether Haley will sit calmly and happily in her cart, explore her vocal range by shrieking at shoppers like a crack-addled pterodactyl, or decide to test the tensile strength of the Editor-in-Cheif's cell phone by flinging it out of the shopping cart. (For the record, the LG VX5500 fairs quite poorly in the "smashing on the ground" test.)

While this inherent chaos yields some challenges, such as whether the Editor-in-Chief and I can subsist for seven days on SPAM and ramen noodles after spending the week's grocery budget on a new cell phone, it adds a refreshing zeal and joie de vivre to everyday life. (That's right. I slipped "joie de vivre" into a sports column. Suck it, ESPN.) It's exhausting and often drives me banana sandwich, but it's also what makes parenthood the most uniquely enjoyable thing I've ever done.

The glory of unpredictability is also why I feel unenthusiastic about this year's NCAA Tournament. Outside of a few first round shockers (thank you Western Kentucky, Sienna, and Cleveland State), the tournament has been all-favorites, all the the time. We've had close games and exciting moments, hell, the Wisconsin game taught my daughter how to walk (details below)*, but we have not had any memorable upsets and no Cinderellas. (No, Arizona is NOT a Cinderella. When you've qualified for the last 25 NCAA Tournaments, played in 4 Final Fours, and won a National Championship 12 years ago, making the Sweet 16 is about as meaningful as Michael Jordan winning a pick-up game at the YWCA.)

* (When Trevon Hughes hit a spinning, off-balance runner in the lane to put Wisconsin, who I picked to win, ahead by 1 with 7 seconds to play in overtime, I threw my hands into the air and unleashed a primal scream. This excited my daughter so much she let go of the coffee table, threw her hands in the air, unleashed her a pterodactyl scream of her own and took the first four unaided steps of her life over to me and grabbed my leg. That's right. The NCAA Tournament taught my daughter how to walk. Let that be a lesson to all prospective fathers. If a friend asks you to attend their cousins bar mitzvah or help them move during the a future NCAA tournament, tell that you'd love to, but you need to stay home and help your kid learn how to walk (then remove their number from your cell phone and ask yourself why you were ever friends with the kind of jerk who'd ask you to miss March Madness).)

This lack of upsets, surprise and intrigue worries me. The underdog spirit and triumph of the little guy is an integral part of the NCAA Tournament. It's why they call it March Madness. It's why millions of American's waste countless work hours every year researching the rebound differential of Northern Iowa and Western Kentucky's record vs the Top 25 in a futile, yet maddeningly alluring attempt to fill out the perfect bracket.

When everything goes according to plan, there's no magic, no excitement, no satisfaction in picking the winners. It devolves into a simple numbers game.

So as the Sweet 16 starts, cheer for the underdog. Support the little guy. Rally around the madness. And, most importantly, kindly disregard the notion that the preceding 650 word diatribe has anything to do with my current position at the bottom of The Jimmy.

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Ok, I feel better now. Let's hand out some first half awards!

Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for "Bracket that has no business winning, yet retains a legitimate shot to win" - Justin (Almighty J)

Last year, due solely to the fact that Yahoo uses a weighting system that awards a borderline absurd amount of points for correctly picking the winner of the NCAA Tournament, Shaun (Flying Spaghetti Monster) won the 2008 Jimmy even though he picked fewer games correct then all but two contestants because he correctly selected Kansas to win it all. Following this contentious victory, I wrote: "This certainly brings up the question of whether we need to amend the scoring system to give more weight to picking many games correctly versus just picking the champion."

This year, as I find myself buried at the bottom of the pile, yet still clinging to life as the only person who picked Pittsburgh to win it all, I've grown much more at peace with our scoring system. I look forward to proving, as I said last year, that "it's better to be unfathomably lucky, than any good at picking basketball games."

Runner-ups: Deanna (DZaster), Jason (Jays Picks), and Tori (WickedPissah) for their unique and fortuitous picks of UConn, Syracuse and Xavier respectively.

Most aptly named bracket - Jordan (Gone in 64 Seconds)

Arguably the most clever bracket name (a reference to the fact that he spent one second to deliberate the outcome of each game), Jordan had no idea how clever his name would be. I believe this picture, taken moments after the start of the NCAA Tournament, says it all.



Hollow Victory Award - (tie) Chris (Bootleg), Peter (High Flyers)

Between the two of them, Chris and Peter picked three upsets. Not three upsets correctly. Not three upsets in the first rounds. No, they picked three upsets IN THE ENTIRE TOURNAMENT.

I hope they receive no satisfaction from making picks that took the courage of a third grader. (Though I expect they get immense satisfaction from my frustration over the matter.)


I would have left you alone, but seriously, with that team name you asked for this Award - Eric (stopmakingfunofmybracket)

Really? You thought Florida State would make it to the Sweet 16? Put down the bong, Cheech.


Game most likely to end in divorce - Xavier vs. Pittsburgh

If Xavier upsets Pitt and manages to make it to the Final Four, there's a very real possibility that the Editor-in-Chief, who picked Morehead State to beat Louisville in the first round (for reasons that should be obvious), will beat me in The Jimmy. This would rank somewhere between Rex Grossman single-handedly blowing the 2004 Super Bowl and the Steve Bartman game in the worst sports moments of my life. If that happens, I may have to cut my losses and start a new life.

For the sake of my pride, and the future of my marriage, I pray that Pittsburgh pulls out a victory.

(Author's Note: The lord heard my prayers and personally guided LaVance Field's contested 35 foot three pointer to take the lead with 40 seconds to play into the hoop to give Pitt their third straight gut wrenching victory. Is it too much to ask for these guys to win an easy game? This is worse then watching the Cubs in the playoffs. I don't need this kind of stress in my life.)


The What Has Barrack Obama Done For Me Lately Award - Sean (Shizabaniza!)

In case you don't already know, Sean copied the selections of our Commander in Chief. And I can't blame him (though I will say he should have named his picks 'Barack O-Bracket'). Obama has made almost every right decision the last two years. How can you go wrong? Sadly, Obama isn't quite as adept at picking tournament games as he is dealing with our Nation's problems. Even if Sean picks every game correctly going forward, he will still lose by one.

Sorry, Sean. It's too late to vote for McCain.


You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself Award - Mike (pitt is it)

Mike, who attended the University of Pittsburgh, named his bracket "Pitt Is It" for the second year in a row, and is, without a doubt, the biggest Pittsburgh fan I know (he's technically the only Pittsburgh fan I know, but still...), failed to pick the Panthers to win it all. Furthermore, he is currently beating me in the standings and has the same championship game selection as me (Pitt/Louisville) so he would have beaten me if he had also picked Pittsburgh to win.

Now, if Pitt ends up beating Louisville for the Championship, I'll revel in the glory of my first Jimmy championship, while Mike will try to console himself with his favorite team's "National Championship." He may never recover.


Funniest Bracket Name Award - Hayes (Big Stimulus Package)

lol


The Red Badge of Courage Award - To the 12 entrants (60%) who picked North Carolina and Louisville to meet in the National Championship Game

Shame on the 12 entrants who picked the boring and unoriginal match-up of UNC and Louisville in the Title Game.

(I would expound further on my feelings of contempt for this lack of gumption and originality, except I'm almost certain the type of risk taking and wild speculation I'm advocating is the root cause of the sub-prime mortgage crisis and our country's current state of economic ruin. Maybe risk aversion isn't so bad after all...)


Region to Watch - East Region

Everyone likes Louisville. Almost everyone likes North Carolina. No one can agree about Connecticut or Memphis, but everyone has the winner of that bracket losing to Louisville anyway.

But the East Region... The East Region is different. Some people have Pitt emerging. Others like Duke. Some like Villanova. One especially mavericky maverick even bet on Xavier. No matter what happens, whoever comes out of the East Region will decide the fate of the Jimmy. So, let's go Pittsburgh! Who's with me? (Really? No one?)


I wish I picked a different Championship Game Award - Chris (coachchris)

Chris picked a number of good games to start the tournament, identified a couple of low profile sleepers like Arizona State and Michigan to make deep tournament runs, and smartly picked Purdue to make it to the Sweet 16. Unfortunately, things fell apart on the Tournament's second day when ASU and UM lost close game. Now Chris, who is still ahead of six others, has no chance of winning the tournament because numerous brackets ahead of him share his adroit championship match-up (UNC/Louisville). Meanwhile, four of the six teams behind him still have a chance to win due to picking an outlandish and unlikely championship pairing.

Chris, if you end up losing to one of us because of our bizarre title game selections, I strongly recommend the cathartic power of writing a long winded, bitter rant in an online sports periodical about the illegitimacy of the victory. It doesn't make you feel better, but it makes you thirty and ready for a beer. (And the beer helps.)


Best upset pick - Tori (WickedPissah)

Tori was the only entrant who correctly picked Cleveland State, a metropolitan university that provides a rich environment for engaged learning in an exciting and dynamic location (at least according to their web site) and the Alma Mater of Manute Bol (thank you Wikipedia), to beat Wake Forest.

(For the record she made this pick because "they talk about Cleveland being a really cool place on '30 Rock'." I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that I'm still in danger of losing to her.)

Worst Pick - Akron to the Championship Game - Jenn (Winner)

As easy as it is to single out Jenn for picking a team who lost in the first round to make it to the title game, I find it hard to fault her motivation: "They're called Zips!! And I think their mascot is a kangaroo!! It really doesn't get better than that. Winners for sure."

Furthermore, similar logic served her well in helping her select Louisville to win it all: "I opted for Louisville...not because they are the number one pick and a favorite for the final matchup, but because the little description about the team described them as "a team of Seabiscuits" and I love that horse."

(I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that I'm in danger of losing to her as well.)


Worst Pick from a bracket that did NOT have Akron in the Championship game - Washington to the Final 4 - Justin (Almighty J)

Not only did Washington not make it to the Final Four, they didn't make it past the first weekend, ruining my Final Four before the Tournament even got off the ground, while the person who picked Morehead State to beat Louisville still has a chance to pick all of their Final Four teams correctly.

(I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that you're all in danger of losing to me. GO PITTSBURGH!)

Good luck to everyone in the second half! (Especially me)