Farewell to Jimmy - 2011

Another year, another crushing defeat for the not so Almighty J.

For the third time in six years, I picked the most correct games, yet for the sixth time in six years I failed to win. I thought the stars were aligned heading in to the Sweet 16. I thought this year would be different. Then my bracket went to hell and didn't even have time to pick out a sweet hand basket.

In seven soul crushing minutes of basketball, UConn ended San Diego State's comeback attempt and Florida held off a surging Jimmer (I have to be honest, that was really just an excuse to say 'surging Jimmer') to beat BYU in overtime, ending any chance I had of beating my Dad in the Jimmy and crushing my title dreams before they got off the ground. Then Duke, who I picked to win it all, got run off the court against Arizona in second half. A final swift kick to the nuts.

Thanks for coming. Remember to wear a cup next time.

But, I suppose I deserve it this year. I have only myself to blame.

You see, last year, I wrote that the trend that picking all #1 seeds to make it to the Final Four was the trend that needs to die. A quarter of last year's entrants picked the unforgivably boring possible Final Four scenario and I openly taunted them when Kansas was eliminated in the second round. Furthermore, I promised identical treatment to anyone else who followed suit, saying "I will similarly mock any future participants who show such limited courage and imagination into their Final Four. Consider yourself warned".

Can you guess who I picked in the Final Four?

#1 Ohio State, #1 Duke, #1 Kansas, #1 Pittsburgh.

So, to kick off the Jimmy award ceremony, I award myself the Hypocrisy Award.


Hypocrisy Award: Almighty J (Justin)

I mocked the basketball gods and the sanctity of the Jimmy and deserve to pay the price. If I ever pick four #1 seeds to make the Final Four again, I'll kick my own ass.


The Mitch D'Olier Jordan D'Olier Memorial Award for the contestant that enters the tournament, but forgets to fill out their entire bracket: Adam Sthay (Adam)

In 2008 my Dad submitted his bracket with one tiny oversight: he forgot to enter his Final Four and Championship picks. To honor his comical misstep, I created the Mitch D'Olier Memorial Award for future participants that submit incomplete brackets. Sadly, no one won the award in 2009 but, in 2010, my brother Jordan raised the bar by submitting a bracket with no picks at all and became the new namesake for the incomplete bracket award.

Jordan's record low zero points will stand the test of time as the lowest scoring bracket in Jimmy history, but his time as standard bearer for the partially filled entry award has passed thanks to Adam Sthay and his incomplete self-titled entry Adam Sthay. Maybe it was a computer error. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe it was karma for naming his bracket after himself. Or maybe Adam was smarter than all of us and realized that no one would correct pick either team in the national championship game (let alone a national champion) and saved himself the trouble of having his picks eliminated. Whatever the reason, his name will live on, emblazoned upon the ceremonial Adam Sthay Memorial Award.

Congratulations, Adam.


Rebecca Black's Friday Award for the most awful new thing I wish I didn't know about but can't stop watching: Who stole kyle singler's eyebrows (Eric)

If you haven't seen the music video for Friday by Rebecca Black, do it now. The immensity of its failure cannot adequately be described. It is a perfect storm of awful, the ultimate in unintentional comedy. At one point, she actually sings "Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwarrrrrrrrrds".

And yet, I can't stop watching. It gets funnier with each viewing as I discover small hilarious nuances, like "why is she walking to the bus stop if her friends are picking her up?", "how does a group of 14 year-olds have their drivers' licenses?", or "what is the creepy limo driver doing following her school bus and why is he rapping?". It's incredible.

Similarly, now that Eric Lau's team name clued me in to Kyle Singler's lack of browage, it's the only thing I can see when I watch Duke play. Technically he has eyebrows, you just wouldn't know it by looking at him. They're so blonde, they're virtually translucent. He's the only person in the world with camouflage eyebrows.


DVD Rewinder Award for most spectacular failure: Uri (Rick Kane Owns Hawaii)

Undeterred by last year's under-the-radar title pick gone wrong (Really, Uri? Baylor?), Uri went out on a limb again this year and picked the 6th seeded St. John's Red Storm to upset the Pittsburgh Panthers and make it to the Final Four out of the Southeast Region.

I'd like to give Uri some credit for recognizing the chaos that would engulf the Southeast region (Butler knocking off Pitt and Florida en route to a second consecutive Final Four), however, that would force me to overlook the fact that his Final Four pick, St. John's, lost in the first round. By 15 points. To a Gonzaga team that would lose their next game by 22. To a BYU team that would lose their next game by 9. To a Florida team that would lose their next game by 3. (By my count, that makes St. John's a scant 49 points worse than Southeast region winner Butler.)

I suppose it's only fitting that a bracket that called out the athletic prowess of Hawaii suffered a crushing defeat in a year when the winner of the Maui Invitational (UConn) and the Diamond Classic (Butler) faced off for the National Championship.

(As a small consolation, Uri's beloved Oregon Ducks basketball team won the 4th most prestigious post-season college basketball tournament, the CBI, which I believe stands for Couldn't Be Interesting. Do they hang CBI banners from the rafters, Uri?)


Nostradamus Award: I Beat Dawn! Unicorn Smasha! (Sean)

After losing to his girlfriend Dawn in somewhat unceremonious fashion last year, Sean proclaimed his goal for the 2011 Jimmy load and clear in his team name: Beat Dawn. And he did, in a big way. Dawn picked Louisville in the National Title game and about four hours after the first game tipped off, Morehead State knocked off Louisville, virtually handing the 2011 relationship crown to Sean.

Congratulations, Sean. I hope this award can provide some solace as you sleep on the couch.


Fodder for Future Relationship Arguments Award: Unicorn's Exist (Dawn)

Dawn may have lost the tournament challenge to her boyfriend Sean and given Uri a run for his money for the DVD Rewinder Award with her National Title game prediction of Louisville (lost in the first round to Morehead State) vs. Syracuse (lost in the second round to Marquette), however, she was also one of only five Jimmy contestants to correctly select any of the Final Four teams and the only to predict Butler's return to the Final Four.

So, whenever Sean boats about his triumphant 2011 tournament victory, Dawn can always claim that she picked infinity percent more teams to make it to the Final Four.


Delayed Epiphany Award: L.A. Leycos (Brett)

I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out the significance of Brett's name. I had no idea what a leyco was, let alone a congregation of leycos. The word sounded spanish, so I plugged it into Google translate. It told me the Spanish word "leyco" meant "leyco" in English. Thanks a lot, Google (http://translate.google.com/#es|en|Leyco%0A).

Finally, I tried sounding it out phonetically.

LA LAY-Kos?

LA Lay-kahs?

LA Lake-ehs?

LA Lake-ers.

You've got to be kidding me.

I spent 30 minutes of my life trying to figure out that Brett named his team the LA Lakers and that is worthy of an award.


What if? Award: Kolskorium (Matt)

Kolsky picked Arizona to make it to the Final Four. Not because he thought they'd make it, but because he views picking Duke the same way most people view getting a colonoscopy. Rationale aside, after #1 seeds started dropping like teenage panties at a Justin Bieber concert, Kolsky found himself, miraculously, one win away from his first ever Jimmy Title.

It was simple: If Arizona beat UConn, Kolsky won the Jimmy.

Arizona was down by two, but had the ball with 20 seconds to go in the game. After grinding down the clock, Arizona's dominant scorer and potential #1 NBA draft pick Derrick Williams - who is shooting over 60% from behind the arc, a number almost too high to believe - launched a three pointer with only 5 seconds left. The ball hung in the air an excruciatingly long time before hitting the side of the rim. But, with almost no time remaining, the ball miraculously landed right in the hands of Arizona Forward Jamelle Horne for a wide open last second three pointer.

Horne launched the shot, the ball again hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time, but, sadly, the ball and Kolsky's dreams of a Jimmy Title clanged off the side of the rim, leaving both the Arizona and Kolsky with What Ifs?


I Beg to Differ Award: Colorado-VictimBig12Conspiracy (Shaun)

Shaun entered the Jimmy under the contentious pretense that his beloved Alma Mater, the Colorado Buffaloes, were left out of the NCAA Tournament due to a Big 12 conspiracy to exact retribution on the University for leaving the Big 12 for the greener pastures of the Pac-10. At face value, Shaun's claim had merit. Colorado had an impressive season, including three wins over #21 Kansas State, and their exclusion from the tourney at the hands of a scrappy upstart mid-major program from Richmond, Virginia nearly led to ESPN college basketball analyst Jay Bilas turning into the Incredible Hulk on live TV in an apoplectic fit for the ages.

Of course, that scrappy upstart turned out to be VCU, who beat USC, Georgetown, Purdue, Florida State, and Kansas (for those of you scoring at home, that's one team from each of the Pac-10, Big East, Big 10, ACC, and Big 12) in dominant fashion on their way to one of the most unlikely Final Four appearances of all time.

I appreciate Shaun's attempts to fight for the honor and understand his line of thinking, but when it comes to the subject of the Colorado Buffaloes deserving inclusion in the NCAA tournament at the expense of the VCU Rams, I beg to differ.


Best Bruin Award: GoBruins! (Trenton)

It was not the strongest year for UCLA in this year's Jimmy.

Trenton's 20th place narrowly edged fellow UCLA grad Brett's 21st place entry to secure him top billing among Bruins.The two UCLA graduates managed to beat only two other contestants, one of whom named their bracket Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit (the other works for Oregon, which sucks at basketball anyway). That said, beating two people in the tournament has to be considered a success for UCLA these days.


Be True to Your School Award: Purple Hayes (Hayes)

On the subject of UCLA, Bruin Business school alum Hayes finished an encouraging ninth place, keeping alive some hope for the pride an honor of those connected to UCLA's fine institution of learning. Of course, in a true display of Bruin pride, Hayes picked the Bruins to get upset in the first round by Michigan State.

Now that, my friends, is business school pride.


Best Subtle Team Name that No One Understood but Me: Luke's sister (Jason)

Jason is neither a girl, nor does he have a brother named Luke. He does, on other hand, have a beautiful daughter named Leah.

Star Wars + Shout out to your infant daughter = Instant JBorhood recognition every time


Mr. Upset Award: Gremlins (Charles)

Following his 2010 Jimmy title, Charles took a somewhat conservative approach in this year's Jimmy, picking only ten upsets in the entire tournament. Unfortunately, those picks were somewhat less successful this year. OK, they were way less successful. Actually, it would be difficult for them to any less successful. Of his ten upset picks, Charles managed to correctly pick... one upset. That's right. Charles correctly tabbed #3 UConn to beat #2 San Diego State in the Elite Eight. Other than that he whiffed on...

Opening round

• #9 Villanova over #8 George Mason
• #12 Clemson over #5 West Virginia
• #13 Oakland over #4 Texas
• #10 Michigan State over #7 UCLA

Second round

• #6 Georgetown over #3 Purdue
• #5 Kansas State over #4 Wisconsin
• #11 Gonzaga 11 over #3 BYU

Sweet 16

• #3 Syracuse over #2 North Carolina

Elite 8

• #2 Notre Dame over #1 Kansas

That's not bad, that's impressive. It's the March Madness equivalent of eating a whole wheel of cheese and pooping in the refrigerator. In fact, I don't think anyone in Jimmy history has ever, nor will ever, pick less than 10% of their upsets correctly.

So take a bow, Charles. You've reached the zenith and nadir of the Jimmy in just two years. I can only image what the future holds for you.

Not as Good as Justin Award: The Fly (Jason)

No matter how old you get, you're never too mature to tease your older brother.


The Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for bracket with the best chance to win that has no business winning: tie, Boner Jams '03 (Jake), Bootleg (Chris)

In 2008, Shaun won the tournament despite picking the least number of games correctly, because he was the only contestant who correctly picked Kansas to win it all and the weighted scoring system gives an overwhelmingly unfair number of points for picking the National Champion. (On a related note, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished third that year despite picking the most number of correct games. Moving on...)

This year, Jake was tied for 15th (out of 23) and Chris was in 18th after the first two rounds of tournament play, however, remarkably both remained in contention for the Jimmy title because they were the only participants to pick North Carolina and Florida (respectively) to win the NCAA Title. Jake's and Chris's path to victory was simple, if North Carolina or Flordia won, they won.

Then the Sweet 16 happened. Duke losing to Arizona happened. Ohio State losing to Kentucky happened. Kansas losing to VCU happened. Every team that someone in the Jimmy picked to win the NCAA tournament lost... except Carolina and Florida.

Jake and Chris no longer needed UNC or Flordia to win it all. They didn't even need them to make the championship game. All they needed was for the Tar Heels or Gators to get to the Final Four to hand them the most absurd, undeserved Jimmy title in recent memory (For the record, no, I'm not still bitter that I finished 10th this year despite picking the most correct games for the third time in Jimmy history).

Mercifully, the basketball gods intervened. The boners were jammed, boot couldn't leg it out, and Kentucky and Butler won, felling the title aspirations of UNC, Florida, Jake and Chris, and saving me the trouble of writing a profanity laced tirade about the absurdities of the weighted scoring system.

At least for one more year.


Best Bracket Name Award: Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit (Tori)

Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit sounds like the result of a random 70's rock and roll band name generator. It is equal parts random, hilarious, and awesome, which, perhaps not ironically, accurately describe Tori's picks this year. Even if you doubled Tori's score, her bracket would finish tied for 11th place. But, even if they did exist, I'm sure Screaming Pteradon Jackfruit would be partying too hard to care.

Honorable Mention to Jake for his entry, Boner Jams '03. I'm not quite sure what songs would qualify as boner jams (athletic themed porn music?), but I would definitely buy that album.


Most Aptly Named Bracket Award: Field of Dreams (Alex)

Alex finished in second place by one point. One tiny, minuscule, seemingly insignificant point. One first round match-up that went the other way. One bounce of the ball, one rebound, or one errant pass between him and immortality. Alex would have won the Jimmy had any of the following first round games gone the other way:

• Xavier vs. Marquette
• Utah State vs. Kansas State
• Tennessee vs. Michigan
• Memphis vs. Arizona
• Missouri vs. Cincinnati

Instead, he's left with a second place finish and a field of dreams.


Money Where Your Mouth is Award: Bucket O' Awesome (Nick)

If you're going to call your bracket Bucket O' Awesome, you better deliver. Nick finished a respectable third place - two points behind the leader - and only a BYU victory over Florida away from his first ever Jimmy championship. Perhaps that falls a step short of awesome, but at the least, Nick's entry was a Bucket O' Really Good.


For Lack of a Better Award: Big3JDaddy (Dad)

Dad played it safe with no double digit upset picks, astutely tabbed Arizona to beat Texas and UConn to make it to the Elite Eight, didn't make any big mistakes, would have won the tournament if Duke won, and finished a respectable fifth.

I got nothing.


Karma Award: Another No-Upset Bracket (Aaron)

For the second year in a row Aaron picked no upsets. That's right. No upsets. Not one. No #12 over a #5. No #3 over a #2 in the Elite Eight. Not even a #9 over a #8 in the first round. None.

Thankfully, for the second year in a row, the basketball gods displayed their disapproval with his blatant disrespect for the Mandess of March by smiting his bracket, leading to his unspectacular 7th place finish. I realize this might sound like me throwing stones from my glass house after selecting all the #1 seeds to make the Final Four, but I made a proper offering to the basketball gods by felling sacrificial lamb Louisville at the altar of Morehead.

(I'd like to assume the basketball gods are big fans of Morehead.)


Chicago Cubs Award for the most obvious preordained failure: - pitt is it no really I mean it (Mike)

Mike should know better. He's been though this before. Every year Pitt emerges from a stacked Big East Conference schedule looking like one of the best teams in the country. They play blue collar basketball. They hustle for loose balls, rebound well, don't commit fouls, and play tough team oriented defense. They're the kind of team every fan loves to root for and, by the end of the season, convince all of their supporters that they have what it takes to win a National Championship.

"This year is different!"

"Next year is here!"

"Pitt is it! No really, I mean it!"

Then, just like every year, Pitt finds a way to rip out the hearts of their fans in a new, completely unforeseen, unimaginably painful way. Losing a game in which you're tied and going to the line to shoot a free throw with only 1.7 seconds left without going to overtime is hard to do and, yet, total vintage Pittsburgh.

So, while I shed a tear for my favorite crest fallen Pittsburgh fan, there's only so much sympathy you can give to someone who puts their faith in the Chicago Cubs of college basketball.


D'Olier Family Champion Award: DZaster (Deanna)

Since the Jimmy started in 2006, I haven't just failed to bring home the overall title, I have never even won the family title.

In 2006, I finished second in the family to Jason when Adam Morrison and Gonzaga choked away a 9-point lead with 3:13 to play.

IN 2007, I finished second in the family to Jason when Texas A&M lost a heart breaker to Ohio State in the Sweet 16.

In 2008, I finished second in the family to Deanna when Tennessee lost a stunner to Louisville, who lost a nail biter to North Carolina, when a different outcome in either game would have given me the victory.

In 2009, well... let's not talk about 2009 (16th out of 20?????).

In 2010, I finished second in the family to Jason after Ohio State choked in the Sweet 16 against a hide-the-women-and-children-awful Tennessee squad, handing Jason the victory by one point.

This year was supposed to be different.

I jumped out to a commanding lead after the first two rounds and, without any notable upsets left in my bracket, the only thing I needed to wrap up my first ever D'OFCHA (not to mention, potential first Jimmy championship) was Duke, San Diego State or BYU to win their Sweet 16 game.

I didn't need an upset.

I didn't need a long shot.

I just needed one win in three games.

Then UConn over San Diego State happened. Florida over BYU in overtime happened. Arizona over Duke happened. (Arizona? Really? I lost because of Ari-freaking-zona?)

Another year, another bitter defeat. I wrap up my fourth second place family finish, cementing my legacy as the Pittsburgh Panthers of NCAA Bracket Challenges.

Personal grievances aside, congratulations to Deanna on her second D'OFCHA and first ever Jimmy Championship. Heading in to the final day of the Elite Eight, a victory by North Carolina, Florida or BYU would have knocked her out of the top spot, but she survived by the narrowest of margins - a one point victory over runner-up Field of Dreams - to cut down the nets and walk off into history in her own personal One Shining Moment montage.

As a reward for winning, Deanna receives a JBorhood article on the topic of her choice. (May I suggest the Top 10 reasons a weighted NCAA tournament pool scoring system sucks?)

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Thanks for playing everyone, see you next year!

The Jimmy 2011

Aloha friends and JBors,

March has begun, which, of course, means the return of everyone's favorite NCAA tournament pool and article series started and managed by a Chicago centric, Hawaii themed online sports periodical: The JBorhood March Madness Extravaganza! (or the Jimmy, as all the cool kids call it).

As always, the winner gets to choose the topic of a future JBorhood article (be still your beating hearts).

You don't need to know anything about basketball to join. In fact, given the unpredictability of March Madness, it's usually a good thing. And, in the Jimmy, everybody wins. I will write articles throughout the tournament and hand out awards to every participant. That's right, if you join, I will write something about you. A little snippet of awesome, all about you. Can you really pass that up? No. No you can't. So sign up now and tell all your friends.

Sign-up here (Yahoo ID required. If you have any problems signing up let me know and I'll snap to it like a hyper-active pterodactyl on Red Bull.):
http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/group/130017/invitation?key=0086a87e77d39761

Good luck and happy bracketing!

What Jersey Shore taught me about UH Hoops

I watched my first episode of MTV's Jersey Shore on Monday.

Oh. My. Lord.

I'd often heard the show discussed. I had a vague familiarity with the various characters. I thought I knew what to expect.

I did not.

I was under the mistaken impression that Jersey Shore was a TV show when, in actuality, it is a human science experiment, like Bio Sphere sans the Sphere. It answers the question, "What happens when you take eight self-absorbed, image obsessed, testosterone fueled (that includes the women) alcoholics with liberal attitudes towards performance enhancing drugs, drop them in a house together in the epicenter of misogynist hedonism and provide them unlimited access to alcohol?"

The significance of the results is lost in translation. You have to actually sit down and experience Jersey Shore to understand the unbelievable amount of bizarre humanity packed into one sixty minute dumpster fire of hyper-reality.

Every episode delivers a staggering number of cultural insights that have to be seen to be believed.

...like the importance of the fist pump and how, when properly executed, it can take a party to new heights.

...or that you can buy hair gel by the pallet.

...that with a hot tub, charisma, nice abs and enough alcohol, you can achieve anything.

...that sausage and peppers is correctly pronounced "sah-sedge and peh-pas".

...that performance enhancing drugs aren't exclusively for men anymore.

...what a Snooki is and its incredible ability to create chaos in the midst of calm.

...that my clothes need approximately 247 percent more glitter

...and that the eventual downfall of civilization is less eventual than I thought.

If your level of pop culture naivety has sufficiently shielded you from this reality television show / cultural phenomenon, I cannot adequately describe the magnitude of exaggerated humanity on display in Jersey Shore. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you and you certainly wouldn't understand the subtle beauty of it. Which is the exact same thought I had at last Saturday's University of Hawaii men's basketball game.

The current collection of UH men's basketball player's aren't just a team, they're a phenomenon. You have to see them in person to understand how good they are and, more importantly, how good they will be. UH has had many better teams, but they haven't had a collection of young exciting talent like this since Bruce O'Neil and Rick Patino were paying players in the 70's.

They're still raw, figuring out how to play together. But in the harmonious moments - which are becoming more and more frequent - when everything clicks...

Oh. My. Lord.

They're not just good, they're scary. Despite their solid, if unspectacular 18-10 record, and current fourth place standing in the Western Athletic Conference, the Rainbows are the team no one wants a piece of in the WAC Tournament time. They have more upside than anyone outside of the 24-3 marvelous Mormons from Utah State whom, might I add, want nothing to do with a UH team that had them on the ropes in a double overtime thriller.

The UH team is more than the sum of their parts but, because of the youth of both players and coaching staff, much like Jersey Shore, the significance of the results is lost in translation. You have to actually sit down and experience this UH Hoops team to understand the unbelievable amount of talent packed into two twenty minute halves of salivating potential.

Every game delivers a staggering number of magnificent moments that have to be seen to be believed.

... Miah's blazing speed and his uncanny ability to walk the line between high intensity and out of control.

... Bill Amis's truly sneaky athleticism. He is the quickest, slow guy ever.

... Zane's ability to rain points from the sky (and his startling resemblance to the love child of my little brother and Gumby).

... the silky smoothness of Bo Barnes stroke. It's the Jiffy Peanut Butter of three point shots.

... Jostin Thomas's incredible ability to create chaos in the midst of calm. (He is, without a doubt, Snooki in this extended Jersey Shore metaphor.)

... that the eventual first NCAA tournament victory is closer than I thought.

Sadly, unless UH can secure another home game in one of the random post-season tournaments (The CBI? The CIT? Really? Are these real tournaments or is everyone just messing with me?) UH fans won't have another opportunity to watch the team in person until next season. And that's a shame. This team is a few pieces and a couple years away from making the leap from sports team to local cultural phenomenon. Colt Brennan in high tops.

Many have started to catch on. The Saturday Stan Sherrif crowd was rocking more than they have since Carl English laced up his shoes. When Zane Johnson hit a no-he-didn't NBA three from the top of the key in the second half, the decibal level in the gym was about as loud as the sum total of the noise from the Bob Nash era. The line for Dippin' Dots was over 50 people deep at half time. (Normally, I'm not a big Dippin' Dots guy. If Dippin' Dots really is the ice cream of the future I shudder to think about the dystopian hell hole we've let the world become. That said, when your two year-old daughter likes Dippin' Dots, you like Dippin' Dots. Luckily, I used my highly tuned Daddy-jedi skills to convince her Dora the Explorer prefers Hagen-Daaz to the Dots. If the line for ice cream bars is long at the next game I might be screwed.)

But it's not enough. It's not the 10,000+ sell out crowds that packed the Stan for AC and Alika. It's not the level of excitement deserved by the most exciting UH team in recent history, and maybe ever.

Make no mistake, much like MTV did with Jersey Shore, Gib Arnold is creating a phenomenon. So this Tuesday, when the Rainbows take the floor for what could be the last time this season, cancel all your plans and get down to the Stan Sheriff Center to watch, nay, experience Gib Arnold and the new UH hoops phenomenon. Because, unlike Jersey Shore, you can't watch old episodes on Hulu.