What’s crack-a-lacking J-bors!
- Michelle Wie came in second to someone no one has ever heard of nor will ever remember
- The NFL owners and the players still couldn’t agree as to who is more petulant, spoiled, and entitled (EIC: It's tough when it's an even match)
- JJ Reddick put up one of the biggest choke jobs in Duke history against
- Justin D’Olier shot a blistering 22 on the Back 9 to overcome a 5 stroke deficit to win the first – but certainly not last – D’Olier Men Miniature Golf Invitational in Claremont, California by 1 stroke on the last hole.
I could easily fill an entire column discussing any of these topics, but I’d like to take a one week hiatus from the wild world of sports to discuss the galvanizing gala of glamour garnering all the glory: The Oscars.
This year’s Oscar nominees featured a number of ground breaking and controversial films but lacked the usual big studio tour-de-force epics that usually win all the awards (See: Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Braveheart, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo). But even without the normal cast of big name films this year’s Oscars delivered a large number of unforgettable moments and I just can’t help but comment on a few of the more memorable moments.
How can Jake Gyllenhal be such a good actor and yet such an awful presenter? Maybe all the Brokeback pressure finally got to him. “Do you ever get the feeling when you’re onstage that everyone is looking at you and they all know?”
Speaking of which, didn’t Heath Ledger look like he was ready to sock someone if he heard one more gay cowboy joke? Seriously, if Phillip Seymour Hoffman had made one crack about “going to
Kudos to Bill Simmons for noticing as well, but did anyone else think Reese Witherspoon was going to forget to thank Ryan Phillippe.
Jon Stewart did a great job making fun of an audience who was clearly uncomfortable listening to his jokes. His take on illegal downloads was hysterical (“Don’t download pirated movies! Look at these people. LOOK AT THEM! These are the people you are stealing from. Many of them can’t even afford enough dress to cover their breasts!”), but I thought his best line came right after 36 Mafia won the Best Song Oscar for their song from Hustle & Flow “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp”. After struggling to control his laughter, Stewart looked straight at the camera and said, “You know, I think it just got a little bit easier out here for a Pimp.” (EIC...Stewart IS a pimp) Classic.
Speaking of which, 36 Mafia’s (EIC: That's Three 6 Mafia, as seen in Murder Dog Magazine (yes, I'm serious) for anyone who is concerned with the proper titling of the group) acceptance celebration was absolutely classic, and I have it permanently TIVO’d. At one moment during the backstage Gangsta-rap fiasco meets Oscar acceptance speech, you could literally hear 12 separate members of the Academy simultaneously crap their pants and if you looked hard enough I’m sure you could make out Dolly Parton saying “Oh, fuck that.” Here we are, in the middle of the most formal and elegant awards celebration that doesn’t rhyme with Obel, and four incredibly stoned black men adorned in baggy clothing, gold chains, and hats turned in every direction but forward are jumping around on stage like a bunch of frat boys who just won a
Ben Stiller can make anything funny. I’m not sure how one sums up the nerve to dance around like an idiot in a neon green jump suit in front of thousands of the most famous celebrities in the world and a TV audience in the multi-millions, but I was laughing so hard at his “Green Screen” routine that I almost cried.
We’re you as surprised as I was that Ang Lee has a wife and kids? (EIC: I'm banking on the fact that he rented the whole lot of them for the evening)
How about George Clooney’s acceptance speech? After delivering the customary thank you’s with his classic smug “I know I’m the man” look which only Tom Brady executes with more precision plastered all over his face (seriously, does anyone do that smug “I’m so good and I know it but I’ll sit here and say seemingly humble things while looking like I just had sex with your daughter” look better then Tom Brady? What’s even worse is, can you really blame him?), he breaks into this two minute diatribe on the glorious humanitarian traditions of
2 comments:
My line of thinking was -- much like SF -- Hollywood is an institution that is on the fringe of mainstream US politics but supposedly like SF, it is our "collective future." (ie liberals are going to be right, in 20 to 2000 thousand years)
The self congradulatory nature of the award show and the constant political refereces (both through the types of movies reviewed/rewarded and through comments made by the Academy's president, presenters and award winners) pushed Hollywood's seemingly flawless agenda forward to "enlighten" the world.
The Academy president, who spoke for 5 minutes or so, talked about pressing issues and then we were treated to a montage of Academy films that touched on race, sexism, exploitation, freedom, etc including a line from To Kill a Mockingbird.
I would argue that even the move to John Stewart as the host was a smart Nielson-minded move to lure the liberal young people that Hollywood is losing to netflix and the internet back into the fold.
On a separate note, did anyone see crash? it is, in my mind, a stereotypical movie about race, lacking any real profound or interesting commentary. I can just see the 4 white people who wrote it sitting around in a conference room, eating Chipotle and drinking Jamba Juice while searching for "hot asian babes" on Match.com and coming up with such a great idea as to follow people around LA where they run into "the other" and act like assholes.
Well, my dear D'Olier, you are a man of admirable quality. Or rather, you will be once you write that White Sox post. To your credit, the only reason I know Se Ri Pak without googling "LPGA" is that her name is tremendously distinctive and she won a few tourneys a while back that somehow got her some SportsCenter face time. Past that, I only know Michelle Wie and Anika. I hadn't even heard of the other girl you mentioned. Oh, and maybe you should briefly mention today's trade for Alex Cintron in your White Sox post. Maybe.
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