2009 JBorhood NFL Playoff Prognostication Extravaganza!

Congratulations to the Chargers for their stunning upset of the Colts. A similar tip of the cap to the Cardinals, Eagles, and Ravens for their rousing victories over the weekend. Each team played hard, executed well, and deserves high praise for their performance.

It's a shame they don't mean anything.

That's right. You heard me. Not. A. Thing.

In fact -- and this might shock you -- even the Steelers and Panthers have nothing left to play for.

Due to the bizarre rules of the NFL and the continued collusion by a corrupt collection of conspirators (he pauses to bask in the glory of the 2009's first amazingly awesome alliteration), the only game that matters is the NFLCS Championship Game between the #1 Giants and #2 Titans.

Or at least that's what the BCS would have you believe.

Actually, after last night's loss, Oklahoma finished the season in 5th place, so the BCS would have you believe that the Giants and the Colts should square off for the title. (The JBorhood kindly asks that you overlook the similarity of this pick to his own initial playoff prognostication.)

But then, the BCS would have you believe that Florida and Choke-lahoma -- 4 BCS Title Game Appearances. 3 double-digit losses. 5-game BCS losing streak. Yup, choke sounds right -- are better then USC's NFL minor league team and undefeated Utah.

The BCS would have you believe that their was no shooter on the grassy knoll.

The BCS would have you believe that Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban is the coach of the year, even though Utah's Kyle Wittingham led a school with far less resources and talent to an undefeated season and embarrassed Saban's Crimson Tide in the Sugar Bowl. (To be fair, the Coach of the Year award is an NCAA award, not a BCS award, however, I figure while I'm assigning blame and have identified a convenient scapegoat, might as well heap as much as blame on them as possible. In fact, I'm pretty sure the BCS caused the sub-prime mortgage crisis and global warming, and co-wrote the Star Wars prequels.)

Lucky for us, the BCS does not run the NFL and the NFL does not decide their champion using a combination of polls, computer rankings, media blather and what Paris Hilton wore to go clubbing last weekend.

The NFL decides their champions like men. (Which is to say that men decide their issues by suiting up in pads with ten of their closest friends and spending sixty minutes knocking the bejesus out of each other fighting over an oblong ball?)

And for that, I am thankful, as are the Chargers, Ravens, Cardinals, Eagles, and football fans everywhere.

Now let's get it on!

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Wild Card Round

Colts over CHARGERS
Ravens over DOLPHINS
CARDINALS over Falcons
Eagles over VIKINGS

Three out of four first round match-up correct? We're breaking new ground here in the JBorhood. I'd boast a little, except for the tiny, minuscule, mostly insignificant detail that I picked the one team that lost to make it to the Super Bowl. But then, it wouldn't be a JBorhood Prognostication Extravaganza! without comically awful predictions. Remember, I'm the same guy that picked the Giants to lose all four playoff games last year. I have serious low standards to uphold.

Divisional Round
Original Prediction: Colts over STEELERS
Revised Prediction: STEELERS over Chargers

The Steelers defense is good. I mean really good. Hey everyone, come see how good the Steelers defense is. (For those of you who've never seen Anchorman -- *cough* Trenton *cough* -- I apologize for the previous joke, since it makes no sense to you. But, seriously, if you haven't seen Anchorman at this point, I have no sympathy for you.)

How good, you...err, I ask?

Their opponents gained less then 300 yards in every game but one.

That's not good, that's freaky-deeky. (Feel free to use this term when describing the Pittsburgh defense to your friends.)

I know that San Diego has talent.
I know that they just knocked off my Super Bowl favorite.
I know they're a trendy upset pick.

I also know that the front seven of Pittsburgh is too big, too good and too fast to let mighty mite Darren Sproles and the Chargers offense develop any rhythm or consistency.

I envision a loooooooooooooooooooooooong day for Chargers QB Phillip Rivers.

TITANS over Ravens

The Titans are a defensive juggernaut that beats teams into submission with a power running game.

The Ravens are a defensive juggernaut that beats teams into submission with a power running game.

If you can differentiate between these teams, you're a better man then I.

(I would like to take a moment and pat myself on the back for discussing the Ravens without pointing out Joe Flacco's glaring inadequacies. An entire paragraph without mentioning that he'll be working at a IHOP in three years. One detailed discussion sans any cracks about how he couldn't hit the Ocean if he was standing on the Beach. I'm making real progress here.)

GIANTS over Eagles

The Giants pair a well balanced offense with a dangerous, ball hawking defense that applies constant pressure to opposing quarterbacks.

The Eagles pair a well balance offense with a dangerous, ball hawking defense that applies constant pressure to opposing quarterbacks.

If you can differentiate between these team, you're a better man then I.

PANTHERS over Cardinals

The Cardinals do two things well: Stop the run and pass the football. That is why I picked them to knock off Atlanta, who primarily runs the football and struggles to stop the pass.

The Panthers also primarily run the football, however, they do not struggle to stop the pass. In fact, the strength of their defense is applying pressure to opposing quarterbacks and shutting down opposing passing games. Couple that with an 8-0 record at home, the Cardinals 0-5 record in road games on the East Coast, and the fact that the Cardinals were outscored 102 to 202 in those games and you have the easiest pick of the day.

(It is worth noting, however, that the Cardinals had the ball at the end of the game with a chance to win in a 23-27 Week 8 loss at Carolina.)

Conference Championship Round (Detailed analysis to come 1/16/2009)
GIANTS over Panthers

The one thing the Panthers can't do is stop the run. Not good when you're facing the NFL's leading rushing team.

Original Prediction: Colts over STEELERS
Revised Prediction: TITANS over Steelers

Remember I said that the Steelers held every team but one to less then 300 yards? You know who that one team was?

That's right. The Titans.

Super Bowl (Detailed analysis to come in Super Bowl Prognostication Extravaganza!)
Original Prediction: Colts over GIANTS
Revised Prediction: GIANTS over TITANS

Giants vs. Titans?

#1 vs #2?

What can I say? Sometimes the NFLCS gets it right...