The Jimmy First Half Recap 2009

One of my favorite aspects of parenthood is the unpredictability. Every day represents a new set of experiences. Nothing goes according to plan. This transforms otherwise mundane activities, like shopping at Costco, into fun and exciting adventures. I don't know whether Haley will sit calmly and happily in her cart, explore her vocal range by shrieking at shoppers like a crack-addled pterodactyl, or decide to test the tensile strength of the Editor-in-Cheif's cell phone by flinging it out of the shopping cart. (For the record, the LG VX5500 fairs quite poorly in the "smashing on the ground" test.)

While this inherent chaos yields some challenges, such as whether the Editor-in-Chief and I can subsist for seven days on SPAM and ramen noodles after spending the week's grocery budget on a new cell phone, it adds a refreshing zeal and joie de vivre to everyday life. (That's right. I slipped "joie de vivre" into a sports column. Suck it, ESPN.) It's exhausting and often drives me banana sandwich, but it's also what makes parenthood the most uniquely enjoyable thing I've ever done.

The glory of unpredictability is also why I feel unenthusiastic about this year's NCAA Tournament. Outside of a few first round shockers (thank you Western Kentucky, Sienna, and Cleveland State), the tournament has been all-favorites, all the the time. We've had close games and exciting moments, hell, the Wisconsin game taught my daughter how to walk (details below)*, but we have not had any memorable upsets and no Cinderellas. (No, Arizona is NOT a Cinderella. When you've qualified for the last 25 NCAA Tournaments, played in 4 Final Fours, and won a National Championship 12 years ago, making the Sweet 16 is about as meaningful as Michael Jordan winning a pick-up game at the YWCA.)

* (When Trevon Hughes hit a spinning, off-balance runner in the lane to put Wisconsin, who I picked to win, ahead by 1 with 7 seconds to play in overtime, I threw my hands into the air and unleashed a primal scream. This excited my daughter so much she let go of the coffee table, threw her hands in the air, unleashed her a pterodactyl scream of her own and took the first four unaided steps of her life over to me and grabbed my leg. That's right. The NCAA Tournament taught my daughter how to walk. Let that be a lesson to all prospective fathers. If a friend asks you to attend their cousins bar mitzvah or help them move during the a future NCAA tournament, tell that you'd love to, but you need to stay home and help your kid learn how to walk (then remove their number from your cell phone and ask yourself why you were ever friends with the kind of jerk who'd ask you to miss March Madness).)

This lack of upsets, surprise and intrigue worries me. The underdog spirit and triumph of the little guy is an integral part of the NCAA Tournament. It's why they call it March Madness. It's why millions of American's waste countless work hours every year researching the rebound differential of Northern Iowa and Western Kentucky's record vs the Top 25 in a futile, yet maddeningly alluring attempt to fill out the perfect bracket.

When everything goes according to plan, there's no magic, no excitement, no satisfaction in picking the winners. It devolves into a simple numbers game.

So as the Sweet 16 starts, cheer for the underdog. Support the little guy. Rally around the madness. And, most importantly, kindly disregard the notion that the preceding 650 word diatribe has anything to do with my current position at the bottom of The Jimmy.

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Ok, I feel better now. Let's hand out some first half awards!

Shaun Holaday Memorial Award for "Bracket that has no business winning, yet retains a legitimate shot to win" - Justin (Almighty J)

Last year, due solely to the fact that Yahoo uses a weighting system that awards a borderline absurd amount of points for correctly picking the winner of the NCAA Tournament, Shaun (Flying Spaghetti Monster) won the 2008 Jimmy even though he picked fewer games correct then all but two contestants because he correctly selected Kansas to win it all. Following this contentious victory, I wrote: "This certainly brings up the question of whether we need to amend the scoring system to give more weight to picking many games correctly versus just picking the champion."

This year, as I find myself buried at the bottom of the pile, yet still clinging to life as the only person who picked Pittsburgh to win it all, I've grown much more at peace with our scoring system. I look forward to proving, as I said last year, that "it's better to be unfathomably lucky, than any good at picking basketball games."

Runner-ups: Deanna (DZaster), Jason (Jays Picks), and Tori (WickedPissah) for their unique and fortuitous picks of UConn, Syracuse and Xavier respectively.

Most aptly named bracket - Jordan (Gone in 64 Seconds)

Arguably the most clever bracket name (a reference to the fact that he spent one second to deliberate the outcome of each game), Jordan had no idea how clever his name would be. I believe this picture, taken moments after the start of the NCAA Tournament, says it all.



Hollow Victory Award - (tie) Chris (Bootleg), Peter (High Flyers)

Between the two of them, Chris and Peter picked three upsets. Not three upsets correctly. Not three upsets in the first rounds. No, they picked three upsets IN THE ENTIRE TOURNAMENT.

I hope they receive no satisfaction from making picks that took the courage of a third grader. (Though I expect they get immense satisfaction from my frustration over the matter.)


I would have left you alone, but seriously, with that team name you asked for this Award - Eric (stopmakingfunofmybracket)

Really? You thought Florida State would make it to the Sweet 16? Put down the bong, Cheech.


Game most likely to end in divorce - Xavier vs. Pittsburgh

If Xavier upsets Pitt and manages to make it to the Final Four, there's a very real possibility that the Editor-in-Chief, who picked Morehead State to beat Louisville in the first round (for reasons that should be obvious), will beat me in The Jimmy. This would rank somewhere between Rex Grossman single-handedly blowing the 2004 Super Bowl and the Steve Bartman game in the worst sports moments of my life. If that happens, I may have to cut my losses and start a new life.

For the sake of my pride, and the future of my marriage, I pray that Pittsburgh pulls out a victory.

(Author's Note: The lord heard my prayers and personally guided LaVance Field's contested 35 foot three pointer to take the lead with 40 seconds to play into the hoop to give Pitt their third straight gut wrenching victory. Is it too much to ask for these guys to win an easy game? This is worse then watching the Cubs in the playoffs. I don't need this kind of stress in my life.)


The What Has Barrack Obama Done For Me Lately Award - Sean (Shizabaniza!)

In case you don't already know, Sean copied the selections of our Commander in Chief. And I can't blame him (though I will say he should have named his picks 'Barack O-Bracket'). Obama has made almost every right decision the last two years. How can you go wrong? Sadly, Obama isn't quite as adept at picking tournament games as he is dealing with our Nation's problems. Even if Sean picks every game correctly going forward, he will still lose by one.

Sorry, Sean. It's too late to vote for McCain.


You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself Award - Mike (pitt is it)

Mike, who attended the University of Pittsburgh, named his bracket "Pitt Is It" for the second year in a row, and is, without a doubt, the biggest Pittsburgh fan I know (he's technically the only Pittsburgh fan I know, but still...), failed to pick the Panthers to win it all. Furthermore, he is currently beating me in the standings and has the same championship game selection as me (Pitt/Louisville) so he would have beaten me if he had also picked Pittsburgh to win.

Now, if Pitt ends up beating Louisville for the Championship, I'll revel in the glory of my first Jimmy championship, while Mike will try to console himself with his favorite team's "National Championship." He may never recover.


Funniest Bracket Name Award - Hayes (Big Stimulus Package)

lol


The Red Badge of Courage Award - To the 12 entrants (60%) who picked North Carolina and Louisville to meet in the National Championship Game

Shame on the 12 entrants who picked the boring and unoriginal match-up of UNC and Louisville in the Title Game.

(I would expound further on my feelings of contempt for this lack of gumption and originality, except I'm almost certain the type of risk taking and wild speculation I'm advocating is the root cause of the sub-prime mortgage crisis and our country's current state of economic ruin. Maybe risk aversion isn't so bad after all...)


Region to Watch - East Region

Everyone likes Louisville. Almost everyone likes North Carolina. No one can agree about Connecticut or Memphis, but everyone has the winner of that bracket losing to Louisville anyway.

But the East Region... The East Region is different. Some people have Pitt emerging. Others like Duke. Some like Villanova. One especially mavericky maverick even bet on Xavier. No matter what happens, whoever comes out of the East Region will decide the fate of the Jimmy. So, let's go Pittsburgh! Who's with me? (Really? No one?)


I wish I picked a different Championship Game Award - Chris (coachchris)

Chris picked a number of good games to start the tournament, identified a couple of low profile sleepers like Arizona State and Michigan to make deep tournament runs, and smartly picked Purdue to make it to the Sweet 16. Unfortunately, things fell apart on the Tournament's second day when ASU and UM lost close game. Now Chris, who is still ahead of six others, has no chance of winning the tournament because numerous brackets ahead of him share his adroit championship match-up (UNC/Louisville). Meanwhile, four of the six teams behind him still have a chance to win due to picking an outlandish and unlikely championship pairing.

Chris, if you end up losing to one of us because of our bizarre title game selections, I strongly recommend the cathartic power of writing a long winded, bitter rant in an online sports periodical about the illegitimacy of the victory. It doesn't make you feel better, but it makes you thirty and ready for a beer. (And the beer helps.)


Best upset pick - Tori (WickedPissah)

Tori was the only entrant who correctly picked Cleveland State, a metropolitan university that provides a rich environment for engaged learning in an exciting and dynamic location (at least according to their web site) and the Alma Mater of Manute Bol (thank you Wikipedia), to beat Wake Forest.

(For the record she made this pick because "they talk about Cleveland being a really cool place on '30 Rock'." I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that I'm still in danger of losing to her.)

Worst Pick - Akron to the Championship Game - Jenn (Winner)

As easy as it is to single out Jenn for picking a team who lost in the first round to make it to the title game, I find it hard to fault her motivation: "They're called Zips!! And I think their mascot is a kangaroo!! It really doesn't get better than that. Winners for sure."

Furthermore, similar logic served her well in helping her select Louisville to win it all: "I opted for Louisville...not because they are the number one pick and a favorite for the final matchup, but because the little description about the team described them as "a team of Seabiscuits" and I love that horse."

(I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that I'm in danger of losing to her as well.)


Worst Pick from a bracket that did NOT have Akron in the Championship game - Washington to the Final 4 - Justin (Almighty J)

Not only did Washington not make it to the Final Four, they didn't make it past the first weekend, ruining my Final Four before the Tournament even got off the ground, while the person who picked Morehead State to beat Louisville still has a chance to pick all of their Final Four teams correctly.

(I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that you're all in danger of losing to me. GO PITTSBURGH!)

Good luck to everyone in the second half! (Especially me)