If you hate the Yankees, then the terrorists win

There are many things wrong with sports:

The lack of a playoff in college football.

The NFL overtime system that allows teams to lose games without ever touching the ball in the extra period.

The designated hitter. (Use it in both leagues, or take it away. I don't care which it is.)

The Winter Olympics reluctance to embrace naked figure skating.

The LA Clippers.

The Oakland Raiders.

Hockey, in general.

But one thing that isn't wrong with sports, yet often finds itself lumped in with the rest of the major sports issues of our time, is the New York Yankees, which is patently ridiculous. A travesty. An absurd fantasy. Because there's nothing wrong with the New York Yankees.

That's right. You heard me.

There's nothing wrong with the New York Yankees.

In fact, I'll take it one step further. The Yankees are one of the greatest examples of excellence in modern history (notice I did not say modern sports history) and deserve our praise, adulation, and respect.

You can be jealous of the Yankees. You can be bitter about their success. But you can't deny their excellence.

The goal of professional sports is simple: win. And no one wins like the Yankees. Since the advent of the World Series in 1903, the Yankees have won a staggering 26 of 105 possible World Series titles, almost once every four years. In comparison, the next team on the list, the St. Louis Cardinals (excuse me while I vomit in my mouth), have only won 10 World Series. (I say "only" like I wouldn't give my right testicle for a Cubs World Series victory...)

Even if you only count titles after the league expanded and switched to an expanded playoff format in 1961, the Yankees still lead all teams with six World Series championships, a rate of nearly one every six years.

[Friend of the Hood and die hard Oakland A's fan, Mike Oppenheim, demanded that I mention that the Oakland A's have won the second most titles (4), during this period. I honored his request, if only to provide him a momentary oasis from the sad realization that the Athletics have become a glorified minor league feeder system for the rest of Major League Baseball. You're welcome, Mike.]

If the Yankees finish off the Phillies this year and capture their 27th World Series title, they will have won more championships than the next three teams combined.

The Yankees have the best winning percentage of any team in history. Nearly twice as many division titles (40) as any other team (LA Dodgers, 22). The most home runs of any team in history, even more stunning considering the Cubs, Braves, Cardinals, Reds, Pirates, Giants, Phillies, and Dodgers have all played nearly 2,500 more games than the Yankees. In fact, despite this nearly 2,500 game disadvantage, the Yankees have actually won more games than Philadelphia (in case Phillies fans didn't have enough of an inferiority complex heading into the World Series).

Since New York changed their name from the Highlanders to the Yankees in 1913, no other team has won at least 100 games more than 8 times. The Yankees have done it on 19 separate occasions.

Of the 51 players that won five or more World Series, only 17 won a title with a team other than the Yankees, and only five won a majority of their titles for a team other than New York.

The Yankees win so much, it's news when they don't win. People assume their current eight year World Series drought must be due to a curse. (I hate to break it to everyone, but eight years isn't a curse. Hell, it isn't even a hex. The Yankees have almost twice as many postseason wins (17) during their so-called "curse", than the Cubs have had since 1945 (9). Please excuse me while I drown 101 years of Cubs related sorrow in a large glass of Jack Daniels.)

Yet, the more the Yankees win, the more people hate them, the more people call out for a salary cap, and the more people say they're ruining baseball.

Yes, the Yankees play in the biggest market in baseball (though it should be noted that they share this market with another team) and they make the most money. But it's not like other teams don't have the resources to compete. With apologies to the Marlins, Rays, Royals, Padres, and Athletics, every team in the Major Leagues plays in a big enough market to support a winning team.

But the Yankees don't just make the most money, they also spend the most money. In fact, they also spend a larger portion of their revenue on their players than any other franchise.

In 2007, the average team spent 45 percent of their budget on players. The Yankees spent 57 percent

In other words, the Yankees give more to their team and less to their owners than any other team in baseball. And isn't that what fans really want?

The real tragedies are franchises like Colorado (32 percent), Arizona (32 percent), Pittsburgh (27 percent), Washington (24 percent), Florida (23 percent) and Tampa Bay (17 percent) whose owners treat their teams like a business, rather than a potential winner. While sports fans nationwide bitch, moan, and complain about the supposed "Evil Empire", these owners laugh all the way to the bank. Meanwhile, the Steinbrenners do everything in their power to continue the Yankee tradition of winning and field a competitive team.

America was founded on the ideals of capitalism. The notion that the strong, the creative, and the hardworking should be rewarded for their talents and abilities. It is this very tenet that has allowed America to thrive, prosper, and remain a world power.

No team in baseball, let alone any other sports franchise in the United States, better represents this most American ideal better than the Yankees.

The issue here is not whether the Yankees have a monetary advantage or unfairly exploit that advantage in their favor - they do.

But you can't hold a team responsible for doing everything in their power within the given set of rules to maximize their success on the field. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame Major League Baseball for a failure to foster a more competitive set of rules? And if Major League Baseball is guilty, then isn't that an indictment of American professional sports leagues in general? I put it to you, JBorhood - isn't this an indictment of our entire capitalist-driven American society?

Well, you can say whatever you want about the Yankees, but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

[Cue the Star Spangled Banner, exit stage right, and give me the Yankees in 6. Play ball!]

(Don't) Stop Believing

Something strange happened today.

After Ryan Dempster proved unable to locate the plate with a compass, a GPS navigation system, a Sherpa, and a copy of Google-fucking-Maps on his iPhone;

After James Loney turned into Barry Bonds;

After Manny Ramirez turned into, well, I suppose he always was Manny Ramirez;

After a 40-year-old Greg Maddox finished off the Cubs like a 20-year-old Mariano Rivera;

After Cubs relievers decided that appearing in a playoff game without surrendering a run is so 1908;

After I decided to leave work to at 3 in the afternoon -- when the game was in the eighth inning here in Hawaii -- because I needed a beer;

After the bartender refused to serve me because I didn't have my ID;

After the bartender realized that I was far more likely to throw myself off a building then give her a citation for serving alcohol to someone without ID;

After I pounded the beer in under two seconds;

After the bartender asked me if I was OK;

After I told her that I would be better if she poured me another beer;

After I finished that beer faster then the first;

After she told me not to tip her and have a safe drive home;

After I got home and popped open the bottle of scotch; (Actually, shortly after opening the bottle of scotch...)

Because at that moment, I gave up on the Cubs. I decided that they had no chance of beating the Dodgers; No chance of winning the World Series; No chance of breaking the Curse of the Billy Goat; No chance of ending a century's worth of frustration. At that moment, when all hope was lost, I realized...

The Cubs have a chance.

Not a great chance, more of shot in the dark really, but a chance nonetheless. (So you're telling me there's a chance...) You see, for the Cubs to finally break their curse, they need to lose games like today's. They need things to go wrong. They need everyone to finally give up on them. Because, as soon as everyone gives up, then the Cubs have nothing to lose. And that would make them dangerous.

For the United States hockey team to beat Russia, they needed to lose an exhibition match to the Russians 10-3 and have everyone lose faith.

For the Red Sox to break the curse of the Bambino, they needed the Yankees to go up three games to none and have everyone write off their chances.

For the United States to break a nine year drought in the Ryder Cup, they needed to lose Tiger Woods.

For the Giants to beat the Patriots, they needed everyone to debate whether the Patriots were the greatest team in NFL history instead of discussing whether the Giants had a chance.

To overcome incredible adversity, each of these teams needed to hit rock bottom. They needed to lose everything. But as soon as that happened, as soon as everyone lost faith, as soon as people counted them out, they rallied around the belief that no one believed in them and they found a way to believe in themselves.

So I say stop believing in the Cubs. In fact, tell your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your cousin, your uncles, your co-workers, you congressman, your senators, the hot barista at Starbucks, hell, even that crazy guy at the bus station, to stop believing in the Cubs. Tell everyone who will listen. Tell 'em even if they won't listen. Make it your goal to make as many people as you possibly can stop believing in the Cubs.

Because, maybe, just maybe, if the Cubs have nothing to lose, they'll finally be able to gain everything.

EAMUS CATULI!
(Go Cubs!)