Bye Week Survival Guide

The University of Hawaii football team has a bye this week, which, for those erudite readers who frequent the J-Borhood for it’s haute couture, but lack the sports acumen to adequately comprehend my topic of choice, means they do not play a game this week. While this greatly benefits the team, providing them an opportunity to rest and regroup, it leaves me with a giant problem:

I have nothing to do on Saturday.

Saturdays during football season are reserved for watching UH Football. With no game this week, it leaves me scrambling to come up with a way to fill the void. To help those of you at home suffering from the same malady, I came up with a list of 10 things to do during a bye week to help maintain your sanity.

Enjoy!

10. Clean your house

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…ok, seriously, moving on…

9. Write a letter to your favorite sports columnist

Tell them how much you appreciate their work. Tell them how they have a fabulously intelligent and clear voice. Tell them they are dead sexy.

You can reach them here: jborhood@gmail.com

8. Read a book

For the record, Playboy does not count as a book. (Unless, of course, you read the articles.)

7. Play tackle football with your friends

The best part about a bye week is that all your friends have a free weekend too! Round up your buddies, grab some beer and toss the football around. Half time occurs when the first guy has to pee. The game ends when someone breaks an ankle.

6. Take a shower

Disregard this if your team is undefeated. You wouldn’t want to wreck the mojo.

5. Improve your vocabulary / Feed the Hungry

The best part? You can accomplish both at the same time, because that’s how we roll in the J-Borhood.

All you need to do is go to www.freerice.com. The site provides you an endless series of vocabulary questions and donates 10 grains of rice to impoverished people for every correct answer. Go break a mental sweat and make the world a better place!

4. Plan for next week’s tailgate party

It’s never too early to start planning for next week’s tailgate party. The J-Borhood recommends an assortment of ribs, sausage, multiple kegs, a stripper pole and a sheep. Never underestimate the importance of a sheep.

3. Go Outside

I know this sounds crazy, but before you stage a mass revolt, allow me to explain. I’m not advocating a major shift in your routine, just a change in perspective. Grab your couch, pick up a six-pack, haul them outside and proceed with business as usual. (Note: For those of you on the East Coast, I’d suggest putting on a jacket first. I hear that the thermostat does not work as well outdoors…)

2. Hang out with your girlfriend

For bonus points, tell them that you want to hang out with them this week instead of watching the game. Works like a charm.

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, THE NUMBER ONE THING TO DO ON A BYE WEEK IS…

1. Watch other games!

Because, honestly, going a week without football would be crazy.