Elevator Music

No, I have not finished this week's post (which, in my humble opinion, sounds a lot less incriminating then "I have not started this week's post").

While I sort out the details, I strongly encourage you to satiate your appetite for incessant ramblings by reading the latest article by Mike Oppenheim, esquire. (For the record, you should say that "Mike Oppenheim, esquire" in your best Keanu Reeves accent, with one hand against your chest and the other stretched out like Hamlet, cradling Yorick's skull, in true Bill & Ted fashion. Yes, this applies to you at work. In fact, even more so.)

Land Line

"I have begun using a “land line” because I don’t get good cellular phone reception at “The Farm House,” here in Iowa. By “not good” I mean that in order to use my cellular phone I have to climb up to the north eastern most point of this house’s roof, Green Acres style, wearing a homemade suit of aluminum foil. Then, clutching the drain pipe of the roof with my left hand and the cellular phone in my right hand, I must hoist my body as far out above the ground as I can safely manage, all the while holding my body in a position that would make an enlightened Yoga Master lose his “Zen” with jealousy, and if I do this just right, well, then I can get a half bar of signal for 22.3 seconds, which is just enough time to send or receive one text message. Oh, and I can only do this during certain portions of an extremely complicated lunar cycle that I discovered after researching Vedic Astrology in a secret basement room in the Library of Alexandria..."

Read the whole article here