Sometimes the NFL schedule makers make life difficult for us. For instance, this Monday night, they decided to pit Donovan McNabb and the Eagles – who were one miserable fourth quarter away from being undefeated – against Brett Favre and the Green Bay JC Transfers. That game just sucks. Yet, even though flaccid football farces such as this often find their way to prime time, more often then not, the schedule makers get it right. This season, they gave us the Manning Bowl, which featured enough hilarious Manning faces to last a life time. (Seriously, I could watch Payton and Eli preen and make pained grimaces for hours on end. Are you listening ESPN?) The schedule makers also hit a home run with last week’s Monday night match up between the Falcons and the Saints, the first game played in the Superdome since Hurricane Katrina. This game was the highest rated Monday night game in history and the second highest rated cable television program ever. Not to be outdone, the savvy studs behind the Sunday Night Showdown scheduled the most anticipated match up of the fledgling season this Sunday between the undefeated reigning NFC Champion Seahawks and the undefeated reigning NFC North Champion Chicago Bears [EIC: I believe the author may have just cried a little here but let's be honest, could this really last...they're from the same city as the Cubs.].
This game has all the elements of a classic showdown and could end up deciding home field advantage in the NFC playoffs. I have had this game circled on my calendar since day one, and even found myself in the odd position of cheering for the Seahawks the first week of the season during their last second win over the Lions to ensure a match-up of undefeated teams. (Don’t worry J-Bors, I’ll publish a list of acceptable scenarios for cheering for another team in a future installment, but just so you know, this minor mutiny was totally acceptable under the guidelines.) I was ready for the up and coming Bears to up and come against the best the NFC had to offer, proving to the pundit populace that they are a force with which to be reckoned. (I can hear you all shaking your heads at my phraseology, but you wouldn’t want me ending a sentence with a preposition, would you? Nah, that’s not how we roll in the J-Borhood.) Unfortunately, this pipe dream came to an abrupt end on Monday when the Seahawks announced that all world running back Shaun Alexander would not play in Sunday’s game due to a broken foot. On the surface, this sounds like great news and certainly no shock to believers of the Madden Curse – which frankly, is getting rather freaky at this point. I wonder if there’s any way I can get the Rams to sign Albert Pujols as a tight end and then convince EA Sports to put him on the cover next year. Maybe we should stop sending our dedicated soldiers to Iraq and just put Osama on the cover of Madden ‘08. – but my initial reaction was conflict. On one hand, it significantly weakened the Seahawks offense, but on the other, it put the onus to win squarely on the Bears shoulders. It removed all the pressure from the Seahawks and their fans and sets up a “Lose-Lose” situation for the Bears. It's like in the Karate Kid when Kreese tells Johnny to smash Daniels leg after the end of the round. At that point, Kreese set up Johnny to either beat the gimpy kid or gets totally embarrassed by the Crane kick. Nice work, coach. My fandom etiquette came into question as I vacillated between "Beat the gimp!" and "Pressure's on." With nowhere to turn, I decided to call Hawaii’s most rabid Bears fan, my Dad, to get his view.
JD: Dad, I just heard that Shaun Alexander broke his foot and isn’t playing on Sunday!
Dad: That’s awesome. Go Bears!
(As you can see, my Dad is clearly the voice of reason in the family...[EIC: No really, he is.])
I voiced my concerns over the potential for complacency and heightened expectations and, after 15 minutes of spirited discourse, my Dad and I agreed that the injury could end up working both for and against the Bears. To help sort out the effect we came up with five questions to clarify when to celebrate and when to fear an injury to an opposing player.
1. Was the player an emotional leader?
Football and, to a lesser extent, Basketball is an emotional endeavor. To abuse hyperbole for a moment, nothing inspires a more visceral emotional response then the loss a key team member. From the Saints venting the collective frustrations of millions of hurricane victims to the Scottish routing the English and taking back their country after William Wallace’s execution, numerous teams have ridden the surge of emotion to overcome the loss of a valuable team member. (They can take our Quarterback, but they’ll never take OUR FREEDOM!!! [EIC: Our illustrious author really is wearing a kilt and blue and orange war paint as he provides this emotional dissertation]) The loss of a teammate can focus a team's efforts and provide a momentary lift, allowing the team to play better then the sum of its parts. (Note: This rule does not apply in baseball due to the large number of games played. It’s never good to lose a player for 162 games, unless that player is Neifi Perez.)
2. Is there any chance of an early come back?
Nothing provides a team a bigger lift then an unexpected comeback from a player who was supposed to be injured. Think Michael Jordan dropping 38 on the Jazz while suffering from the flu or Gandalf decimating the Orc armies after falling into the abyss with the Balrog [EIC: You are such a dork]. An unexpected return from a lost player buoys the spirits of the rest of the their team to a higher level then before their departure. I don’t know why coaches don’t have their premiere players fake an injury only to make a miraculous recovery when they need it the most. Speaking of which, does anyone know Brian Urlacher’s cell number?
3. Does the game have playoff implications for your team?
Any injury which helps your team make the post season is a good thing. If Shaun Alexander got hurt before the last week of the season and the Bears needed the victory to make the postseason, I’d be dancing in the streets – which, I might add, is a scary proposition. But this game is so early in the season, that it can only cheapen the victory or rub salt in the wound of the defeat. This rule doesn’t apply if your team is so awful that the chance of a post season berth is akin to the chance of Tom Cruise staying off the cover of US Magazine for a month, which (patting myself on the back for the segue) leads me to my next question…
4. Is your team any good?
If you’re a Lions, Devil Rays, Pirates, or Hawks fan (Note: How strange is it that we can’t include Clippers fans in this list any more.? Who has a bigger identify crisis now, playoff bound Clippers fans or post-Championship Red Sox fans?) then an injury to an opposing player is reason enough to pop a cold one. When you have precious few reasons to pop a cold one, you savor every opportunity. (Note: Do you ever wonder why one’s are always cold? A frosty one is acceptable on occasion, but you never hear mention of a chilled one, a cool one or, god forbid, a warm one – with apologies to the English, of course. It truly seems that a one that is not cold, is scarcely a one at all.)
5. Is the player Brett Favre?
Any time Brett Favre gets hurt is reason to celebrate. Every time I watch Something About Mary I hope he’ll pull a hammy during that Fill Me Up Butter Cup dance sequence. My Dad keeps a special bottle of Dom in the wine cellar for just such an occasion. (Non-Bears fans, feel free to replace Brett Favre with any player who has caused you inordinate amounts of pain over numerous years. I hate Brett Favre.)
Applying these questions to Shaun Alexander’s injury we determine that:
- Shaun Alexander is not an emotional leader of the Seahawks
- Barring divine intervention, which provided a good mid-week scare, there is no chance that Alexander will play.
- The game has minor play-off implications.
- The Bears are good.
- The Favre rule does not apply.
With this in mind, I feel much better about the prospects of Shaun Alexander’s broken foot. I would still prefer that the Bears square up with the fully loaded Seattle squad, but I am not one to smack a gift horse in the ass. Hopefully, the Bears defense will flex its muscle, Sexy Rexy will continue the offensive Renaissance in Chicago, and I won’t have to hit the bottle early this Sunday.
J-BORHOOD MONDAY NIGHT PICK-OFF 2006: Week 3
Last week the Saints came through for me in a big way. They blocked that punt two minutes into the game and the rout was on. Michael Vick looked rattled and confused by a team who stacked 8 men against the run and dared him to throw the ball. He even broke into the Michael Vick face midway through the 3rd quarter. (If you’re unfamiliar with the Michael Vick face, it’s the look he gets when he’s had to throw the ball 20+ times in a game, one hopped his third ball of the day and cannot seem to complete a pass to save his life. He sits on the bench and sulks with this look that says “I should have been a wide receiver”. Look for it during the next Falcons blowout. It’s hilarious. I even wrote a letter to the folks at EA Sports complaining that it wasn't included in Madden '07)
Next up is the Eagles, Packers scrimmage. Luckily, I got to pick this week and I’m taking Mr. Chunky Soup and the Eagles over Brett Favre and the Replacements in a laugher.
Season Standings: All tied at 1.
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