2006 MLB Playoff Primer

TO tried to kill himself, Favre got embarrassed on Monday night and Culpepper has been sacked 15 times.

Football season has officially begun.

However, while the high-impact allure of football and the sparkly, shiny, so fresh AND so clean, clean 4-0 record of the born-again passing juggernaut Chicago Bears makes me want to expunge endlessly on all facets of football, I want to keep the J-Borhood forum focused on following all forms of sports. Simply put, it would be irresponsible of me to ignore the start of the Major League Baseball playoffs, regardless of how much it pains me to discuss baseball after suffering through the tragic comedy of the Cubs season. So for those fans of the Raiders, Titans, 49ers, Texans and Lions, who have already lost hope in the NFL season, I offer my list of 15 reasons why this year's MLB playoffs are worth watching as well as my 2006 MLB playoff prognostications. Enjoy!

TOP 15 REASONS TO WATCH THE 2006 MLB PLAYOFFS

1. Randy Johnson

Dirk Diggler's got nothing on the Big Unit

I savor every opportunity to watch the player with the best porn name in all of MLB. The fact that he looks so much like a porn star – ugly, gangly, with that semi-permmed mullet – only adds to the hilarity. I guess the name has lost its shock value over the years – an unfortunate side effect of playing for 21 seasons – but I still laugh any time someone says the Big Unit. If the Yankees and Twins face each other in the ALCS, we might get treated to the porn star classic: Boof Bonser vs. Randy Johnson. Someone alert the Spice channel.

2. A-Rod’s crunch time collapse

I have to be honest, I actually like A-Rod. He’s a class act, a hard worker and an unbelievable talent, however, I can’t help but root for him to keep failing in the clutch. I think he’s about two more strikeouts, with men in scoring position, late in the game from breaking down and crying on national TV. The $252 million dollar man, crying on national TV? Count me in.

3. Billy Beane’s tirade

Every year, the A’s trot out their Moneyball line up, take an early lead in a series and then struggle to move runners along, get clutch hits, and scratch out wins, which leads to their early exit. Shortly after, Billy Beane fumes incredulously about how the playoffs are all about luck while his face turns an almost indescribable shade of scarlet. I hate rooting against a guy for whom I have the utmost respect, but Billy Beane’s temper is almost funnier then A-Rod’s lack of nerve. Almost.

4. No Red Sox, Yankees coverage

As hard as this may be to believe, fans outside of the tri-state area are a little tired of the Yankees, Red Sox “rivalry”. (Come on, to truly be a rivalry, both teams need to win every once in a while; and no, once every 86 years doesn’t count. Sorry, the bitter Cubs fan rears his ugly (read: jealous) head every once in a while) In fact, some fans would rather listen to the latest TO update (Sources say TO had a bagel for breakfast this morning. TO denies reports that he will run for President in 2008. Owens says “no truth” to rumors of his involvement in peace talks between Israel and Hezbollah.) then suffer through another post season of Yankees/Red Sox hype. America, meet the Twins and the Tigers. Yes, there is baseball west of the Appalachians.

5. The Mets Pitching Staff

The three-headed monster of El Duque, Glavine, and Trachsel would not sound so bad…in 1996. Watching these guys take the mound in a three man rotation should make for high comedy. In fact, I’m not sure what is more pathetic, the Mets pitching staff or the fact that they are still probably the best team in the NL. Which leads me to my next point…

6. The Sacrificial Lamb a.k.a. NL Champions

Interesting Stat: Four team in the American League finished with a better record then all but one of the NL playoff teams.

Wow. Bud Selig should save the National League the embarrassment and award the World Series trophy to the ALCS winner. On second thought, that would deprive us the pleasure of watching the National League continue its 8 game World Series losing streak in particularly gruesome fashion. I’m thinking sacrificial-cows-at-the-end-of-"Apocalypse Now"- grusome.

7. Pujols’s swing
8. Zito’s curve
9. Piazza’s arm (or lack thereof)
10. Santana’s change up
11. Maddux’s control
12. Zumaya’s heat
13. Reyes’s speed
14. Jeter’s everything
15. Doug Eddings's stike call (just kidding).

As you can see, this year’s playoffs have a little something for everyone. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

2006 MLB PLAYOFF PROGNOSTICATION

Division Series

American League
Yankees over Tigers
A’s over Twins

I feel bad for the Tigers since they led their division up until the last game of the season, but playoff teams don’t get swept by the Royals when home field advantage is at stake. The Twins, A’s series is probably the hardest of the opening round series to pick, but I think the pitching depth of the A’s outlasts the complete package of the Twins. That being said, Zito needs to win one of his games against Santana for the A’s to have a chance.

National League
Dodgers over Mets
Cardinals over Padres

Seriously? These are the playoff teams? Ok. If the Mets had Pedro Martinez I would have a different opinion of them, but I don’t think El Duque, Glavine, or Trachsel have any business on the mound in the playoffs in 2006. The powerful line up gives them a chance, but I think Penny, Lowe, and Maddux give the Dodgers a decisive edge. I hate to pick the Cardinals to win anything, and they certainly played terrible down the stretch, but San Diego just isn’t a good baseball team. Peavy will struggle to match Carpenter and, after that, both teams are weak. Chris Young doesn’t scare anyone.

League Championship Series

American League
Yankees over A’s

I know, I know. Good pitching beats good hitting, but what about good pitching vs. unbelievable hitting? The modern Murderer's Row and the Yankee Stadium mystique help the Yankees edge the A’s in another classic showdown between these two great ball clubs.

National League
Dodgers over Cardinals

Can a Cubs fan pick the Cardinals to make it to the World Series? No.

World Series

Yankee’s over Dodgers

I would like to say that, for the record, I hope I am wrong. I have little love for the Yankees, but that lineup can hit. The lovely EIC and I got to attend a game at Yankee Stadium this September, and the team looked unbeatable. When the fans start yelling, you can literally feel the electricity and watch as opposing teams start to buckle under the pressure. Their average pitching staff leaves them vulnerable, but if Randy Johnson gives them decent starts, Ching Mien Wang holds down the fort, and someone, anyone, else contributes, the most storied franchise in MLB history should finally break their agonizing 6 year title drought while the Cubs suffer for the 98th straight year. Shoot me now.