I’d like to provide an intelligent, insightful, objective perspective on the Super Bowl, but I can’t. The dejected Bears fan in me pukes whenever I try and praise Payton Manning. Heck, my inner fan gets nauseas just thinking about Daniel Manning. He’s even a little upset when he hears about Dakota Fanning. Even after the two week hiatus, reliving the events of 2-4 (doesn’t have quite the same ring as 9-11) is more then mildly painful. In order to get through 1000 words of torture, I’m going to channel my inner Rex Grossman and let loose a little point, counter-point I’ve dubbed, Good Justin / Bad Justin.
Good Justin:
Painful performance aside, that was the most fun I’ve ever had watching a Super Bowl. Devin Hester’s kick-off return was one of the most electric moments I’ve ever had as a fan, the defense played their hearts out, and at the end of the day, the game could not have been won by a nicer, hard working, more deserving guy then Payton Manning.
Bad Justin:
Did we watch the same game? Watching Rex Grossman crap the bed in the biggest game of his life won’t exactly go down in my Pantheon of all time greatest sports moments. Aside from the brief moment of Hester-mania, the Bears we’re thoroughly whipped on all sides of the ball and didn’t look like they belonged on the same field as the Colts. The defense was utterly overmatched by Payton Manning and the Colts Juggernaut. In the words of my brother Jordan, “it looked like Payton Manning was speaking Greek, and Brian Urlacher only understood English.”
Good Justin:
Over matched? The defense was on the field for the entire game. At half time the Bears had only run 19 plays to the Colts 46! Even though the Bears offense struggled to get things started, the Bears we’re still within five points with possession of the ball to begin the fourth quarter. That’s amazing.
Bad Justin:
Amazing? The only thing amazing about the Bears defense was their inability to adjust their game plan. After Payton Manning tossed his foolish opening quarter interception, he only attempted one more deep pass, and only when the guy covering the wide receiver fell down. Yet, somehow the Bears continued to play their safeties 40 yards deep and let Payton Manning through 2 million dump passes to his running backs, which all went for 10 yards or more. It‘s like when you play your buddy in Madden, and you keep running the same play over and over (which usually ends in swearing, thrown controllers, and/or physical violence). I’m sure if we could have seen the press box, we would have seen Bears Defensive Coordinator Ron Rivera screaming and tossing his controller down in disgust.
Good Justin:
There was nothing else the defense could have done. WE WE’RE PLAYING PEYTON MANNING, who could end up being the Michael Jordan of football.
Bad Justin:
If you EVER, compare Peyton Manning to Michael Jordan again I will beat the thunder out of you.
Good Justin:
Easy there big fellah, I’m just saying that we lost to a great one, perhaps, time will say THE great one. Seriously, the guy completed two thirds of his passes in the pouring rain!
Bad Justin:
So what? Rex Grossman completed 70% of his passes “in the pouring rain”.
Good Justin:
Seriously?
Bad Justin:
Yeah.
Good Justin:
Are we sure he didn't blow the stat guy?
Bad Justin:
Aren’t you supposed to be the Good Justin?
Good Justin:
Right. Sorry.
All I was trying to say is that the Bears lost to one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. Furthermore the Colts are a classy organization, Tony Dungy is a wonderful coach, and great role model, and I’m glad that Peyton Manning no longer has to answer the endless stream of “can’t win the big one” comments. I find it hard to hate the Colts.
Bad Justin:
You don’t have to hate the Colts to be disgusted by the way the Bears played and the coaching staff performed. What make me crazy is that the Colts won for one simple reason. They realized it was raining.
In the rain, the one thing you can’t do is throw the deep ball. The rain prevents a quarterback from tightly gripping the football, alters the spiral of the ball, and makes the ball fall a few yards short on long passes. Balls that feel perfectly thrown, end up falling comically short (see Grossman’s interception, which the Colts returned for a touchdown). In the beginning of the game, the Colts attempted one long pass, which Charles Tillman promptly intercepted. After that, the Colts were content to throw dump passes and run the football. Exactly what you should do in the rain. On the other side of the field, the Bears, a team built to run the ball and control the clock, remained determined to ride Grossman’s “fuck it, I’m throwing it deep” attitude, regardless of circumstance.
For example, trailing 22-17, the Bears have the ball on their 45 yard line. It’s second and one, and two plays prior, Thomas Jones ran for 15 yards. Do the Bears use their overwhelming size advantage on the Offensive line, run the ball, keep the chains moving and give their Defense a rest? No, they split Thomas Jones out wide and have Grossman attempt to chuck a deep ball. Not to be outdone, Grossman trips on himself and the Bears lose 11 yards. (Comical side note: Grossman tripping on himself is credited as a sack by Anthony McFarland. Years from now Anthony aka Booger McFarland can tell his kids he got a sack in the Super Bowl. He'll probably leave out the quaterback tripping over himself part.) Rather then relying on their strength, the Bears decide to defy convention and continue to throw in the rain.
Next, flash forward to the fourth quarter. Defying logic and a few laws of physics, the Bears are only down 5 points. After gaining 6 yards on first down, Grossman decides it’s in the best interest of the team to fire a 30 yard pass off his back foot into triple coverage. The pass - of course - falls five yards shy of the target and the Colts intercept it, return it for a touchdown, and begin their Super Bowl Celebration.
It’s sad, but even though they were thoroughly outplayed, out hustled, out coached, and vastly over matched at the most important position, if the Bears had simply adjusted to the rain, we’d still be talking about Peyton Manning as the next Dan Marino.
Now if you excuse me, I’ll be in the kitchen crying with a bottle of Scotch.
Good Justin:
Well, at least Baseball Season starts in two weeks!
Bad Justin:
We’re Cubs fans.
Good Justin:
...
Got an extra glass?
Parting Shots:
A rational person – let’s be honest, if you were rational you wouldn’t read the JBorhood – would have said that Dennis Green’s (the then coach of the Arizona Cardinals) tirade after losing to the Bears on Monday Night Football, would have been the greatest sports tirade for years to come. But sports is not rational (that’s why I write about it!). Enter Dan Hawkins, football coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. He left Boise State last year, where his team lost 10 games in 5 years. This year, Colorado lost 10 games in one season, and Boise State won a BCS game, in what critics are calling one of the most exciting college football games of all time. Understandably, he’s upset. On Wednesday, he went on ESPN and responded to an anonymous letter from a parent, decrying the lack of a third week of summer vacation for her son.
I started having Howard Dean flashbacks. I’m just surprised he didn’t end it with “And then we’re going to go to Texas, and then we’re going to go to Nebraska, and then we’re going to go to Oklahoma, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ha!”. He gets special JBorhood props for throwing in the Hulk Hogan-esqe “brother”. An instant classic.
For good times sake, here are Dennis Green’s and Howard Dean’s memorable moments:
Denny
Howie
Last, but certainly not least, you know the Cubs season has officially started, when Kerry Wood slips in his hot tub and injures himself.
Ciao, JWonder
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