The sting of last Sunday’s game is still fresh in my mind and writing an analysis of this loss is about as fun as watching Rex Grossman throw into triple coverage in the rain. I need to wait a week for the pain to subside before I can adequately summarize my thoughts (Payton Manning is amazing), analysis (Why did the Bears continue to throw downfield in a downpour?), and emotions (%*&#!!!). In the mean time, here is a recap of the Top 25 most memorable (read: best, worst, and most bizarre) moments from Madison Avenue’s marketing mavens.
Allow me to present the annual J-Borhood Super Bowl Commercial Redux
Rex Grossman Division
These commercials were the only thing that came close to rivaling Rex for worst performance of the Super Bowl. Watching them again actually made me feel better after the depressing game. Sort of a misery loves company appeal.
25. The Flomax Add!
I don’ t know about you, but reminders about declining prostate health are not what I want to see when I’m watching the Super Bowl. When I’m watching these ads, I can’t help but wonder, how do they convince the actors to film the commercial? How do their kids explain to their friends that their daddy has trouble urinating?
I’ve refrained from including the actual advertisement here. Trust me. You’re better off not watching it.
24. Salesgenie.com
What does it say about your companies marketing department when your ad is worse these every other commercial except for the one about prostate health? I don’t think one person in the country watched this ad and thought, “I have GOT to check out Salesgenie.com after the game.” For those of you unfortunate enough to have stock in this company, I'd suggest you short it while you still can.
23. Heart Association
I watched this bizarre succession of villains continuously pummel the guy in the heart suit and kept waiting for a superhero dressed in Phizer-branded tights to jump in and save the day. But it never happened.
This add is a painfully long beat down of a poor man in a heart suit. They might as well have called it “The Passion of the Heart”.
“Can I have my 2.6 Million dollars back?” Division
These ads fell utterly flat on the advertisings biggest stage. You could almost hear the CEO’s screaming into their phones as they fired their Marketing departments.
22. Schick Quattro
Rule #1 of Super Bowl Ads: You don’t talk about Super Bowl Ads. Oh, sorry. Wrong rules.
Rule #1 of Super Bowl Ads: Never show an old advertisement! It’s like taking a girl out on a second date and going to the same movie. It’s just poor form. This moderately funny Schick Quattro retread has been playing during football games all season long and I’m still using my Mach-3.
21. Revlon – Sheryl Crow
After watching this strange add, which assumes that you’ll use Revlon’s hair coloring product because Sheryl Crow used it, much to the chagrin of her effeminate hair stylist, my wife said “I’m embarrassed to be a woman.”
20. GM – Suicidal Robot
I wish I could have been privy to the conversation in which a GM marketing executive convinced the marketing team to feature an add about a robot committing suicide. What’s the message here? GM hates robots? This add made me want to cry, not go out and buy a car. At the very least an ad should improve customers attitudes toward your company, not make them want to join anti-robot cruelty organization.
Say What? Division
These ads had promising ideas, but left the viewers more confused then interested. (Not unlike the Bears coaching moves in the Super Bowl, but I digress…)
19. GoDaddy.com - Marketing Department
I’m still not entirely convinced that a website whose target market is 20-something computer nerds, has any business making a television advertisement, let alone one that costs over two million dollars. GoDaddy.com has certainly raised brand awareness with their 30 second soft core porn films, but I can’t imagine it reflects positively on the bottom line. I’m convinced the CEO makes the ads just so he can write off his strip club bills. Anyhow, this year’s ad fell short of previous attempts at humor. If you’re really interested in this genre, I recommend “Red Shoe Diaries”.
18. Budweiser – Jay – Z vs. Don Shula
Jay-Z has street cred, Shula has the rings, the futuristic football game is cool, and the ad is for beer. Seems like a sure fire recipe for success. But then some wise guy, thought Jay-Z should out coach Don Shula. I’ll give well deserved props to the Jigga-man for tagging Beyonce and writing “99 Problems”, but lord have mercy, you don’t out coach the legend. Especially when the Super Bowl is in Miami.
Super Bowl Halftime Show Division
A little something for everyone here. The Super Bowl Halftime show is always entertaining, and this years show was no different. Prince gave a commanding presence in the rain and these ads made you laugh, cry, and cheer, but if you missed either, you didn’t miss that much.
17. Pride Trailer
This ad did a great job of capitalizing on the African-American pride undertones of the Super Bowl and I’m positively giddy about the prospects of watching Tom Arnold play a racist swimming coach, but have we really exhausted every sporting movie angle to the point that we’re forced to make movies about swimming?
16. Budweiser – Every dog has his day
The first of Budweiser’s staggering number of quality ads strikes just the right chord with the audience. What can I say? I’m a sucker for dogs.
15. FedEx – Moon Office
FedEx set the bar high with last year’s tour-de-force set of caveman commercials. This year’s Super Bowl ad didn’t quite resonate the way last year’s did, but it managed to deliver some last minute hysterics.
14. Doritos – Check Me Out Lady
The ad itself is not among the elite, but the check out lady gives a command performance that could be denied.
Bears Defense Division
Much like the Bears vaunted Defense, these ads had clear potential and certainly held their own, but ultimately failed to match up with the best of the best. They deserved to be here, but fell a step below their counterparts.
13. Snapple Green Tea – Secret of the Tea
This spot earns a spot on this list because it put a smile on my face in the midst of the 4th quarter meltdown.
12. Taco Bell – Carne Asada Lions
It tastes better when you say carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrne.
11. Doritios – The Crash
The first half of the ad left me shaking my head, but the pure low-brow aesthetic of a beautiful woman falling on her face cannot be denied.
Devin Hester Division
I still haven’t figured out why teams insist on kicking to Devin Hester. Let me make things really clear: Yes, he is that fast. No, you should not kick to him. It really is that simple.
These ads followed the blueprint of the Bears human highlight film. They were ready for prime time and left a solid lasting impression.
10. FedEx – Aptly Named
This quirky, subtle ad rounds makes the top ten for its bold originality, constant humor, and winning finish. True Super Bowl material.
9. Emerald Nuts – Beware of Robert Goulet
If you told me that an add for nuts featuring a 73 year old French Canadian singer would rank in my top 10, I would have called you crazy. Crazy or not, this ad is comedy.
8. Nationwide Insurance – KFed
Make fun of Kevin Federline all you want. The truth of the matter is that he’s an ugly, no talent, deadbeat dancer, who’s rich, famous, starring in Super Bowl ads, and collecting alimony from Brittney Spears. That’s borderline J-Borhood Hall of Fame material.
Anheuser-Busch Division
Either Anheuser-Busch – still the hardest Brewery to spell in the entire world – pays their Marketing department really well, or it’s really easy to create beer commercials. Either way, the makers of Bud and Bud Light continued their utter domination of Super Sunday advertising. Now if they’d only apply these same talents to marketing King Cobra…
7. Bud Light – Auctioneer Wedding
Other marketing people must get jealous of the people who make beer commercials. While they do extensive market research to determine the most effective way to develop a strong brand and communicate a palatable and memorable message to their target demographic, beer commercial creators get to make slapstick jokes about rushing through a wedding so the beer doesn’t get cold. Life just isn’t fair.
6. Bud Light – The Hitchhiker
Original. Wacky. Superb ending. A quintessential beer commercial.
5. Budweiser – Rock, paper, scissors
I’ll know that I’ve truly become an adult when watching someone get hit in the face with a rock stops being funny. (Note: It hasn’t happened yet.)
4. Bud Light – English Class
Cedric the Entertainer made a name for himself in “The Original Kings of Comedy”, but his series of Bud Light advertisement cameos made him a star. I’ve never been a huge fan of Carlos Mencia’s hit-you-over-the-head-with-caustic-racial-remarks style, but it looks like Bud Light’s done it again. This commercial strikes a perfect blend of Carlos’s aggressive style and classic Bud Light slapstick.
3. Bud Light – Fist Bump
Once again, I think I could watch guys slap each other in the face all day. This hits every target demographic with its raucous cacophony of increasingly hilarious “new fist bumps.”. Timely, funny, and light hearted. It epitomizes true Super Bowl humor.
Payton Manning Division
These ads threw proverbial bullet passes with their proverbial “laser-rocket arms”. They knew when to pass, when to throw, took risks when they had to, and thoroughly out performed their counterparts on the biggest stage. These ads left everyone at the Official J-Borhood Super Bowl party laughing long after they were over. Truly deserving champions.
2. Sprint Broadband – Connectile Dysfunction
This ad succeeded for every reason that the Flomax ad failed. It recognized the unintentional comedy of all the uncomfortable public discussion about erectile dysfunction, prostate, and irritable bowel syndrome and capitalized in a novel and original way. A potentially contentious choice for number two on the list, but its comedic subtlety made it a total sleeper hit, true J-Borhood style.
1. Snickers – Brokeback Mechanics
The fact that this ad has already been pulled from television says enough. It’s edgy, unsettling, and completely un-PC, but it took a giant risk and totally delivered. It has received media scrutiny and a large amount of public backlash, but it provides a raw hilarity that no other can commercial touched on Sunday. The J-Borhood Super Bowl party crowd broke into unparalleled levels of laughter during this spot. Love it or hate it. You can’t deny it.
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